Unrequited Love
by faux nostalgia
Summary: Tyson x Hilary. She thought liking him was right. Why is admitting that to him so wrong?
1. HER

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

What is 'Love'?

_Chuckle_

What _IS__'Love'_, anyways?

Even if I've thought it too much, my 'Love Life' wouldn't be like yours.

It is too harsh for me, though it does not look like it.

Too harsh...

I am nice to people who are nice to me.

I am generous to people who are generous to me.

I am lovable to people who are lovable to me.

I do things perfect, like any smart girl should.

I do my homework, I do what grown ups ask me to do, I attend school regularly...

And I get admiration in return.

Many people love me, yes, but is that the _'Love'_you want to talk about?

Well, the _'Love'_I'm talking about is... _LOVE 'Love'_.

Like _boy-and-girl_kind of _'Love'_.

And like I told you, it's too harsh for me.

I've wanted to be loved, to love, like _boy-and-girl 'Love'_but it never happens.

Am I too self-centered?

Am I too bossy, even with the Bladebreakers team and Tyson?

Am I too demanding and loud mouthed?

Is that why?

You are lucky to have a boyfriend or girlfriend if you are reading this.

Even if you don't, I know you'll get one anyways.

But as for me, I want one.

Not just some boy I think is cute and hot, but a boy who is the Right One.

_Chuckles_

It's stupid.

Would you call liking a lot of cute boys thinking they are the Right One but then they're too idiotic and you were wrong all the time _'Love'_?

Is it wrong to love someone who does not know you exist in his life even if you've been standing right in front of him for years?

Is it wrong to fall in love with someone who hates you and thinks you're just a _'Queen of Big Mouth' _or_'Bossy Loud Mouth'?_

Is it wrong to love someone and then realize that you can never have them?

Well...

Is it?

I just don't know anymore, this _'Love'_.

I've yearned for it too much and too long that I don't know if I should stop because he will never see me, hear me, talk to me, love me...

Crisis, who'll know what my future will hold?

He's the only one I've liked for so many years.

He's the only one that can get rid of these difficult emotions I have.

But in those years, we are a pain in the ass sometimes, that's what Rei and Kai thinks.

Max thought we were cute fighting together and Kenny just types away in his computer thingy ignoring us.

Maybe it has always been me who starts the fight.

He doesn't know because I am worried about him.

He doesn't know that those shrieking yells and loud advises are what makes me forget what I feel about him and starts a fight so that I will forget that I ever liked him.

And if he knows, I am dead meat.

I have never played with those Beyblades.

They are just for kids.

But we, Tyson and Rei and Max and Kai and Kenny and me, are now sixteen and they are still playing those idiotic games.

What is it with those Beyblades?

Rei had told me once that when Tyson is battling against someone, he can somehow connect to what he call it 'Bit-Beast' thingy.

And once I have seen him battle, I realize that Rei is right.

Tyson was just a food-craving, idiotic moron, and whiny boy when he is not playing the game.

But when he plays it, he is serious, confident, and sometimes stubborn—no wait—_always_stubborn, and will think of a plan quickly if there is none.

And all I can say is that he is actually smart.

And I laugh to myself.

Tyson? Him? Smart?

_Laughs_

And when he first ever hugs me after he has won a battle and I had cheered him on, I become scared.

Lately, I am confident of myself.

But this thing he was doing to me, hugging me, I feel suddenly queasy and my heart pounds loudly and I starts to sweat.

And after that hug, I could tell that he wants to talk to me, maybe thank me because I had cheered him all the way, which I usually did but this time more positive.

But I am too scared, too dumb to act what I should do.

I am blushing, something I never did often in front of him.

And so... I turn around to ignore him and starts talking to my friend.

And I ignore him.

He is looking at me, with hesitation in his face.

I feel extremely horrible, more horrible than ever.

But I ignored him...

...ignored him...

And then...

He walks away.

My heart is crunched up into a smashed up Beyblade.

I will never forgive myself.

But I know he will forget about it, anyways, forget that I ever ignored him.

Forget that he ever hugged me.

No... I hope he doesn't forget about that hug.

And then the next day will be like any other days like yesterday.

I know he doesn't like me, such cruel unrequited love I'm feeling.

I turn my head a few moments he had walked away.

He is surrounded by his teammates, saying 'way to go, Tyson' and 'that was a nice kick!' when I should be saying that.

I feel rueful.

I am just one of those girls...

Pleasing but...

Ignored.

So I walk away to the sunset with hands behind my back, staring at the sad gold sky.

Maybe I'll get my chances with him...

Someday...

Right now,

I am hopeless...


	2. HIM

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

To my opinion, I don't think much about love.

They're just some mind games boys and girls play.

Like faces, life, and air; love comes and love goes...

That's how the love cycle goes, _duh_.

I don't have time for it since I'm always training with Dragoon and with the other Bladebreakers.

All I have to think about is trying to win and perfectionate my Beyblade skills until it's time for me to stop playing.

Love, what a dumb subject to talk about.

What is 'Love'?

If you ask me, _how the hell should I know!_

I'm not an expert at those kinds of thing.

I'm only an expert at battle skills, like beyblading skills.

Yeah, that's it.

I'm good at that.

And right now, I'm eating.

But if you still wanna know about _'Love'_, I'll tell you what I know.

All I know is that _'Love'_is this mushy, gushed up feeling your heart feels.

All I know is that it changes your whole life and when it gets in your way with beyblading, you'll lose.

All I know is that it's a bunch of crap people feels and it's suppose to make you feel good.

Feel good?

Psh, _yeah right_.

What makes it feel good when you get rejected?...

_Laughs_

I am here sitting on my butt on the ground eating, what I usually do when I'm hungry, tired, thinking, worried, and any other special occasions of my expressions.

I gobble as much as my mouth can take, ignoring those funny faces Max, Rei, Chief, and Hilary makes.

So anyways, where are we?

Oh, right.

_'Love'_.

Okay, I'll be your preacher of 'Love' for today and I know I'm not good at it.

But first, I'll talk about beyblading.

That _Queen of BigMouth__Hilary_asks me every time why I play this idiotic games.

I tell her that it's not of her business.

Has she ever played Beyblade?

Ha, of course she never did.

She's just a normal girl, who doesn't know what a bit-beast is even.

Okay, Beyblade is about skills, about becoming one with your blade.

As for me, I got my Dragoon right here.

_Pats the top of the white Beyblade that engraves the picture of Dragoon_

So anyways, as I was saying, Beyblade takes major skills to make a perfection out of it.

If you want to know how, just ask me sometimes.

Right now, I've got other subjects to talk about.

But, really, Beyblades are a snap.

Like, all other games, Beyblades are—

"_Tyson! Quit your gobbling bottomless pit and let's get training!_"

I stare at the girl who has her hands to her hips, face angry.

As usual, I roll my eyes at her and keep eating.

She is a pain in the huge ass sometimes, hard to understand.

"Don't worry, 'Boss'. After I finish this, okay!"

She growls frustratedly and grunts.

"But you already ate five minutes ago! Are trying to get your self fat or something!"

Again, I ignore her.

"Tyson! Don't start!"

"_Yeah, yeah_," I mutter.

I let go of my food and stood up.

I'm opposite of what Hilary is.

I'm at least nicer (to _my_opinion), I think of fun for a change, and I appreciate other things, too, rather than training our ass up every single day.

Which is why we come to the conclusion of the question of what makes it feel good to be rejected?

A silly thought, eh?

Well, as for me, it isn't.

It started when I had this major battle with a guy I've lost quite a few times.

No, not Ozuma.

This dude I had already forgotten.

_chuckle_

And you know how I won?

I had won by Hilary's cheering advises.

Well, would you look at that!

It took me by surprise that all those cheers she had made were advises of what I should do.

"_Tyson! You can do it! Don't let him kick your ass, Tyson! Be positive! he's trying to psyche you out! Control it!_"

And to my complete surprise, the dude _WAS_actually psyching me out.

And when I beat him, I realize that maybe I should thank Hilary for cheering me on.

It isn't usually me to thank a girl who's such a bossy loud mouth.

But maybe I should at least be nice to her.

For once.

_chuckle_

Not like I'll start being nice to her from now ON.

What a stupid thing to do.

And what a stupid thing to do, thanking her...

Especially that hug I suddenly gave her.

And I could tell she took it quite seriously.

I had hugged her, a thing I wasn't planning to do.

Usually, when I want to hug her, I do it with idiotic actions.

But this hug was too, too emotional and it made something inside me turn to water.

And I regret it.

I don't want anything to do with 'Love' when it's going to make me lose at beyblading.

And I knew that maybe that thank-you from Hilary would make it disappear.

So I look at her, waiting for her to talk.

And suddenly, to my _COMPLETE_surprise, she turns away and talks to someone else.

I mean, _what the hell?_

Hilary is usually so active and confident, but she ignored me.

Ignored me like I was just a fly on her shoulder.

And I felt a bit hurt.

She should at least say something to me.

But she didn't.

My face is in puzzle and startled.

Maybe she would turn back around to talk to me, saying her sorry.

But she didn't.

...ignored...

She is usually annoying towards me, starting a fight, starting an argument.

And all I did back was walk away towards my Bladebreakers team.

Maybe their cheers would make these feelings of down disappear from my insides...

I close my eyes.

Is that the _'Love'_you want to talk about?

I wouldn't exactly call it _'Love'_...

Just...

'_Rejection_'.

_laughs_

Like I've told you twice, I don't know anything about 'Love'!

Go ask Hilary.

That _girl_ would know.

Ha, yeah right.

With this life, she'll just make things hard.

Make my beyblading life harder.

But she still hangs around with us.

I don't take it too much but maybe I should...

_sigh_

What a life, eh?


	3. HER :: your harsh words

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

"_WHEN I TELL YOU TO TRAIN HARD, YOU SHOULD DO WHAT I SAY!_"

"_AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LISTEN TO YOU?_!"

"_NOTHING! I JUST ASKED YOU TO TRAAAAAIIIN!_"

"_WELL I'M TIRED AND I NEED A REST!_"

"_BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!_"

"_FOR ONCE, I WANT SOME DAY OFF, FOR GOD'S SAKE!_"

"_YOU'VE BEEN WHINING ABOUT THAT FOR DAYS NOW! JUST ONCE WITHOUT COMPLAINING, LISTEN TO ME!_"

"_NO! WHY WOULD I, QUEEN OF BIGASS MOUTH!_"

"_BECAUSE!_"

"_BECAUSE?_"

"_HOW SHOULD I KNOW! ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU BLADEBREAKERS WANTED SOME TRAINING SO I THOUGHT I COULD HELP YOU GUYS!__YOU SAID SO YOURSELF YEARS AGO!_"

"_WELL YOU'VE HELPED US ENOUGH NOW!_"

"_NO, I CAN TELL YOU STILL NEED MY HELP, SO HERE I AM!_"

"_WELL, DID YOU EVER THINK THAT I ACTUALLY WANTED YOU TO HELP US WHEN, _HELL_, WE'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT _YOU"

"_Mmm_…"

I walk along the river side.

Again...

Watching the sight of the golden sunset.

Again...

I stare at the golden sky.

Again...

I sigh and put my hand behind my back.

Again...

I am tired.

I am exhausted.

But I'm not tired in that way.

I'm tired because I can't stand yelling and fighting and arguing with him anymore.

I can't stand that sound I make towards him, hard and cold and full of anger.

I can't even stand those voice of anger that bore in him when he yells at me.

It's so...

Cold and harsh.

But that's Tyson, hardhead and moronic-like.

Like _'Love'_, _Life_is harsh.

It might never be fair.

_Laughs hesitantly_

Fair? Life?

Never.

Happiness can come and go but harsh words always stays behind.

_Sticks and stones will break my bone_, I thought hopefully,

But words will never break me...

—"DID YOU EVER THINK THAT I ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO HELP US WHEN, HELL, WE'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU!"—

Harsh.

Yes, too harsh.

But I took it like nothing.

Instead, I had stomped away after that and ended up in here again.

I need some time alone.

A _LOT_of time alone.

To think.

Think hard.

"_Gods, what did I do to him to make him so angry all the time!_"

I stomp one of my feet and stiffened my arms.

"_OOOH, that idiot! I should hate him!_"

I should hate him!

Then I look sadly at the ground.

But I can't.

I just can't.

Why do I like someone who doesn't even think anything beyond his beyblading skills, like _'Love'_?

Why is it so hard to make him understand that I'm too worried about his reputation?

I've seen his loss of spirit when he has lost to something he vowed to win against to.

And it isn't good.

I try not to think too much about him, but it's just too hard.

Have you ever felt such emotions that you feel for someone yet they do not return it back?

I shut my eyes and sat on the grass.

Why did I ever like Tyson, anyway?

I couldn't even think of anything from the past that made me like him.

Maybe it was years ago when Kenny and I were abducted by this guy from Biovolt or whatever Kenny said it was called who wants to steal the Bladebreakers' _bit-beast thingy_.

I remember it when he tries to save us.

I remember being too harsh to him and complaining but still he says he'll get us safe and sound.

And won't let anything happen to me—or was it _US_that he had said...

Maybe that was why.

I'm too gullible.

I'm too stupid.

DAMN, I'm an idiot.

"I know what a bit-beast is," I mutter, suddenly thinking back when Tyson and the others started talking about Bit-Beasts.

Does he really think I'm that stupid at Beyblade?

Does he really think I don't have a chance at playing it?

Well, that Einstein can keep dreaming because I'm still not playing that game.

Since he has less confidence in me, I won't have any courage to ask him to teach me how to play it.

Maybe I'll ask Rei or Max or Kai.

At least they would say yes.

I grumble and rest my forehead on both knees and sighed.

"Just because I don't play those stupid game doesn't mean I wouldn't know anything about skills," I mumble lowly.

I'm right.

Ever since I've started hanging out with Tyson and his friends, I've found out so much about Beyblade.

But even though, I still think they're for _LITTLE_kids.

I mean, c'mon, what is it that makes life easy about winning or losing with these games?

But maybe that's why I'm making life hard.

I'm in their way and I distract them.

Maybe that's why Tyson complains too much.

He usually mentions my name when he's talking about something annoying.

Sometimes I wanna scream out loud to the world with my anger and frustrations for him.

Sometimes I wanna shed these tears of frustrations and sadness that bore me.

The sun was almost sinking through the horizon up ahead.

My shadow fades slightly to blend in with the night.

Gosh, I haven't been out to see the night for a long time.

And I never knew it could be so... _calming_.

And serene.

The sun's light was still seen but it made nighttime look so beautiful.

And sometimes I wonder why beyblading could be more fun than looking up at the stars and the night sky.

They're just too immature for it, maybe think better than watch some views.

I shake my head with dismay.

"These beybladers, I just don't get them..."

But I am hoping.

Maybe those times I think I am hopeless will run away and Hope will come and reassure me.

Maybe it will, someday.

But I am hoping.

I gaze at the stars and make a wish:

Star light, star bright

First star I'll see that's right.

Wishing you please

To have just these,

Wishing it tonight,

Wishing this is right:

To only see what I became...

Never knowing me in shame...

Someone is watching me far, far away behind.

But I ignore her or him.

I can ignore people, too.

I stand up and walk home.

_Sigh_

I am hoping...

And waiting...


	4. HIM :: just thinking back

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

I have had enough of this.

Here I was, eating and minding _MY OWN_business, when off she blows her top for some reasons.

I always have had enough with her.

She's the one with issues and problems.

I try to ignore her and let her off to her _OWN_business but she just can't stop annoying me.

What _IS_her problem anyway!

And right now, we're yelling as much as we can.

Behind me, Rei sighs and says to Max, "That's it, I'm off training. Call me when they're done."

Kai had already left us before we even started arguing.

"But they're so cute fighting together," Max chuckled and trotted off beside him.

I heard him and I start yelling more.

This one is suppose to be against Max but I aimed it straight towards Hilary.

And she screams back.

"_TYSON FOR ONCE LISTEN TO ME!_"

My face, smoke blaring out of my ears and pissed off, blows.

It always does when I argue with her.

"_WHY WOULD I, BOSSY LOUD MOUTH!_"

"_BECAUSE!_"

"_BECAUSE?_"

Hilary growl with frustration and stomped her feet.

I can tell that she's ready to burst.

But, I don't care—_bring it on, Hilary!_—this argument stops until one of us make senses out of it.

"_HOW THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW? ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU NEED SOME TRAINING AND I'M HERE TO HELP YOU GUYS!_"

'Help'!

She calls yelling all the time and telling us what to do 24/7 a 'help'!

"_YOU'VE HELPED US ALL ENOUGH!_"

Hilary clenches her teeth and I know that I'm winning against this battle.

"_NO I HAVEN'T! I CAN TELL YOU STILL NEED SOME HELP, SO HERE I AM!_"

I roll my eyes and pulls up one of my sleeves to prepare for another fight of words.

"_WELL, DID YOU EVER THINK THAT I ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO HELP US WHEN, HELL, WE'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU!_"

And that's when I won.

Ahaha!

Hilary's face turns to normal and she looks at me with a blank face, sort of... gloomed.

Kinda freaky but I smirked it all out with victory at her and put my hands to my hips.

She just kept looking at me with that stupid expressionless face that maybe I ought to start another fight.

She stood motionless for a while.

I knew I'd won this argument, I always kind of do.

And before I could start another argument, Hilary's face changes to frustration and stomps her feet.

Without another word, she quickly walked away and out of my place, speechless from defeat.

I smile and turn around to look at Kenny.

"See?" I told him. "I knew I'd win."

Kenny, face uncertain, shifts his glasses a bit and grips his computer.

"I don't know," he said.

I wave my hand as if I'm brushing a puny fly away as I started walking out of the front yard and towards the shore where we usually train.

"Yeah, whatever, Kenny," I mutter and headed off.

I was still muttering about what Hilary said--not that I care, though.

But I was tired of her helping us.

Her training is a pain in the neck.

Running... no food... push-ups...

Sit-ups...no food... running... _NO_food...

All those over and _OVER and OVER_and over!

I mean, what the hell is that!

Sure that's what we do when we train even without her, but her loud demands for more training is so0o0o provoking!

I mean, c'mon, you GOTTA have some food SOMETIMES!

CAN'T YOU!

_Sigh_

I enter the shore, meeting up with Rei, Max, and Kai already starting their beyblading play without me.

I join them, happily taking my Beyblade launcher and Dragoon out of my pocket.

"Go, Dragoon!"

I watch as my Beyblade smacks against Rei's Driger.

Max's Draciel was off targeting Kai's Dranzer.

I observed, the four Beyblades in one dome with quick lightning speeds, with exhilaration.

The next couple of half an hour, I was able to beat Rei once for today's practice.

It took me by surprise how easy it was to battle without anyone bothering me.

I was able to concentrate better with Dragoon now that Hilary wasn't here anymore.

But I know that somewhere inside me, I'll regret it sometime.

But I shrug it off.

Me? Miss Hilary!

I laugh at that.

_Laughs heartily_

So anyways, I'm off trying to forget about Hilary when Max suddenly pops it right in my head.

"Hey, where did Hilary go?"

I flinch a little but it hardly showed.

"Like I should know," I grumbled and concentrated on with Dragoon.

That idiot, why did he have to come up with that subject?

So anyways, I lost against Rei.

For the third time this week.

Rei was a good beyblader but I know I can beat him like last, last time.

"That wasn't so bad, Tyson," Rei told me.

I stuck my tongue out childishly.

"Of course it was," I said. "This time I'll beat you!"

"Whatever, Tyson," Rei grinned and we launch our Beyblades for another battle.

Somewhere behind me, Kenny ran with all his might.

(Go Kenny! Pump those legs!... hee-hee)

He clutched his laptop computer to his right side while swinging his other arm forwards and backward to quicken his speed.

"Hey you guys!" he panted as he stopped beside Kai.

"What took you so long?" Rei asked.

"What now, Kenny?" I asked him, eyes on my Beyblade.

"I thought Hilary would be here with you guy," Kenny wondered. "Where'd she go?"

Oh for crying out—_GEEZ!_

_Not again!_

"Somewhere," I answered simply as Dragoon smacked Driger good in the sides.

I chuckle, ready for a victory like I had with Hilary.

"I'm worried," Max suddenly said.

"For what?" I asked, not really caring what he was talking about.

I know what their subject is and I don't want to be part of it.

It was just an argument, you guys! I want to say. It isn't such a BIG deal!

"Tyson, go check on her," Rei suddenly said.

I fall on the ground suddenly, unsure of the idea that he had said.

"You've _got_to be kidding me, Rei," I mumbled as I get up quickly.

"Aw, C'mon, Tyson," Max smiled, winking at me (what he _ALWAYS_does. _MAN_, doesn't it just bother you!).

I frowned and looked at them.

"You've _GOT_to be _KIDDING_me," I repeated. "It was _ONLY_an argument! no _BIG DEAL!_"

"Yeah, we know," Rei informed, kinda sarcastic since he gave a small grin. "But you were just _SO_harsh with those words you spat on her. Bladebreakers are _NOT_cruel, Tyson. Bladebreakers are _ONLY_cruel when we're beyblading in a tournament, maybe even harsh but not to others outside Beyblade battles."

I cross my arms.

Son of a—

It was only an argument!

Gods, these teammates I have can be SO loyal sometimes.

Sometimes, I just wanna... wanna _EAT_.

What is it with my teammates and Hilary?

Have they gotten use to her having her around with us now!

Have they forgotten that she was the only who had evilly forced us to run those billions steps three times?

Have they forgotten that Hilary is a pain in the huge ass!

My Gods, I just can't help it anymore.

These things they do...

I shook my head and turn my back against them.

All these talk about Hilary, I just need some time alone for now.

I sigh exasperatedly and strolled off.

"Fine! I'll go check on Queen of Big Mouth," I lied to them, pretending to sound more exasperatedly.

I exasperate a lot.

So they wouldn't notice it.

As I walk away, I mutter.

"Rei, you dammit," I muttered. "You didn't even see us argue."

Man, life is so harsh sometimes!

It never gives you a break, _NEVER_!

Sure beyblading is fun sometimes but it takes almost a lifetime to obtain the real emotions towards it.

But being one with Dragoon took me only a few days.

But maybe, it didn't.

Have I gotten with Dragoon through it all yet?

Have I actually achieve this goal of perfectioning my skills even if it takes a full lifetime?

Have I ever wondered what would happen if I really lose Dragoon?

Lose him permanently?

It would be like a piece of my heart tearing off.

Tearing slowly, enjoying every second of my pain.

And maybe that's what I felt when I saw her down the hill near the riverside this sunset as I'm taking my time alone to erase my mind off her traumas.

The sun was almost already dunk fully into the horizon beside me.

I look at the dark sky then at the figure of the girl far, far up ahead.

I dare not go on because I could tell that she might till be troubled by that argument we had moments ago.

Like her, I still am too.

But I don't really know why.

But I _DO_know that I'm suddenly hungry.

I watch her, her form in a crouching way.

She was hugging her knees and her face seem to be buried onto them.

And this time I am wondering why she was looking like this.

I still watch her, what she was going to do next.

But she was still like this until the coming night came.

This girl is out of her thoughts, I could tell.

She was thinking hard, an easy way to know since she looked like it.

I know that our argument seemed to have gotten into her.

What is was it that made our argument so something to her?

It didn't even mean anything.

I only know that all she wanted to do was help us Bladebreakers win no matter what.

But I gotta admit for her confidence in us...

I shiver a bit.

It was getting cold.

As I watch her with my eyes and the cold with my skin, I suddenly feel an urge to go over her and tell her to go home and warm up.

But, no, I'm not that kind of a boy.

That would just go through my Beyblade life.

When I think back to our argument, I realize that Hilary really wanted to help us.

And I mean _REALLY_.

And then, I felt kind of sorry for her.

Maybe I should go and say sorry to her.

But I still had that ignored ways she had done to me when I wanted a thank-you from her.

So I back away a bit.

Suddenly, she moves her head up and looks at the sky.

As I followed her gaze, I realize that she was staring at the billions of star that hanged around the dark sky.

When I turn to look at her again, she had stood up.

I was going to go after her—_GOING TO_.

But I had to stop and hesitate for a reason I don't quite understand.

I watch her turn her back from me and walk away.

I'm guessing that she's walking towards home since that's the only place she can go this night.

The second choice was my place since she _ALWAYS_pops in and out of my place when I don't expect her to come.

I watch her disappear as she turn right.

It took me by surprise how disturbing it was for her to be alone, sitting beside that river, and with her head on her knees.

It was as if she was sad.

_chuckle_

I've never really seen Hilary in a down mood before but I can tell that she can be serious about it sometimes.

Wow, Hilary being _sad_?

It's way beyond Hilary-furiousity-temper.

And now I wonder what Hilary would be like if she was less bossy.

I would've liked her more if she was—

I shake my head, snapping that thought out of me.

Psh, me?

The World Champion Beyblader Tyson like Hilary!

You have GOT to be KIDDING me!


	5. HER :: nothing but dust & wind…

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

This is what we are...

We're all just human beings fluttering away...

Or rather, walking away...

Even better; running...

Running away...

Away...

Away from insanitation...

Away from heartbreak...

Away from problems...

_Laughs silently_

We're all just dusts and winds.

_NOTHING_but dust and wind...

I look at the ceiling and blink slowly.

Those words echoed in my mind:

Dust and wind...

Dust; as in me sticking into things—or rather, _someone_—and get in the way at everything around it—or rather, around _him_.

Wind; the air that softly pushes the dust away from the things, clearing it away so that it would feel better without it...

Or rather, me being pushed away from him, not only by his own wind but by his own words, and causing me to back off and leave him alone.

Offended and hurt inside yet pissed off and red-mad outside.

These idiotic thoughts.

I grip on my bed sheet and sigh heavily, my chest pushing up and down.

My brown hair is messy and wet because I had just taken a hot bath after I had came home to reminisce those feelings I felt.

I was still wet, haven't dried myself completely, but I am on my pajamas already.

I can feel the disgusting hot wetness that the bed sheet I lay upon on.

When I feel like it, I would sleep at Tyson's place sometimes.

_Chuckles_

It's weird, huh?

Well, I've really gotten to know them all and they even let me sleep over Tyson's grandpa's dojo.

I guess Tyson agreed, too since he was out voted and thought it was weird having a girl sleep in a boy's house for days.

But, in my secret surprise, he took it normally sometimes.

That guy.

I sigh...

I want to get out again but it's already night time.

Maybe I should go apologize to him.

Tell him that I'm sorry for being such a pushover to him all the time.

But, still, he shouldn't've said those harsh things to me when all I want was to help them win.

Help _HIM_win.

But he just doesn't.

He couldn't, don't want to.

He hates me being in his way.

Come to think of it, he might've been hating me ever since.

_Laughs_

Why wouldn't he?

He's never seem to do anything kind to me.

I've tried acting nice to him but I know he doesn't notice.

He never notices me.

And I know that he doesn't feel the same way I feel about him.

Wetness brush my cheeks, not by the still wet skin I have from the bath.

But my tears.

Tears of sudden emotions.

I shut my eyes and screamed as loud as I can.

Somewhere outside my room, my mother yells.

"_What's wrong, Hilary-san!_"

I don't answer.

Instead, I scream again.

This time, through my white pillow I had pressed against my face.

I'm frustrated, confused, and miserable at the same time.

And, _oh my gods_, I think my minds' in insanitation.

It's swirling in circles and my thoughts are being pushed aside so that I have more time to think some more.

Even shutting my eyes as tight as I could can't help me.

Nothing will...

Tears struck my eyes, stinging my cheeks and even my eyes.

I have never cried for a long time, never in public.

I'm not even sensitive!

Crying alone helps me conceal myself from others.

Crying alone helps me think things over.

And I wouldn't want to be seen crying in public, especially if it's Tyson that sees me.

I just want to be normal, like all people are.

That's why I act perfect in school.

That's why sometimes you have to be mean to others when it happens.

That's why you shouldn't be yourself too much because, to me, it makes things worse.

If you want to know the real me, I'll tell you.

I'm not perfect.

I'm not mean to everyone except those I should be hating.

I'm not trying to be myself sometimes.

Well, every time.

I never try to be myself.

It brings too much out of me.

I'm just a normal girl.

If you want my definition of 'normal girl', it's being nice and does what she does best.

But that's from the past.

And this is now.

I should be mean.

I should be trying to be perfect in school.

And I should probably not care about my fight with Tyson.

What a stupid thing to do...

But it hurt me too much.

It stung my heart out and caused my hopes to die out...

again.

Why can't Tyson be more positive in me?

Am I too bossy?

Maybe I am.

AAAAAARGH!

I'm thinking too much!

I _HATE_thinking too much.

It makes me go crazy because I know that once a problem comes inside me, it's going to stick in me until it's solve.

And _THIS_problem will never go away.

Only being left there, in my heart, unsolved...

And this will go on and on and on and on and on...

I sigh.

And on...

I'm going crazy, lunatic, whoozy.

And I don't even know why!

I feel so angry to myself that all I did was cry it all out.

since I feel a bit crazed, I'm still motionless.

I'm still staring at the ceiling above me, my eyes wide open as if I'm in a trance.

And the only thing moving is the tears that flowed endlessly out of my stinging eyes.

But I'm strong.

I'm hoping.

Always hoping.

I'm heartbroken, the first time ever.

Well, probably not.

But that's another story.

_Tyson, you dumbass_, I think.

I think I should give up on him.

I will, if a want to.

I will, if I could.

But I would've done that a long time ago if I had the chance.

And now, I'm stuck thinking about him.

My head suddenly throbs, and all I could do was blink it away.

I have been staring at the ceiling for almost an hour now and I can tell that it was way past ten o'clock.

I've been lying here, doing nothing, staring at the boring old ceiling while I could've been outside taking a walk.

I sigh again.

Maybe that walk would do me good.

I need to think again.

But I don't feel like it anyways.

"It'll make me think more, anyways..."

I let my left arm fall into the side of the bed along with my left leg.

I can't sleep.

I can't even move.

I can't stand this...

Like I said again, I want to scream and cry all this anger out.

These feelings are getting way into me that I know tomorrow I won't be the Hilary that they know.

Or maybe the next day...

and the next...

I'll be different, maybe.

I know I will.

And it will affect me, my life.

I chuckle, not knowing whether it's from insanity or stupidity or no reason.

Dust and wind...

Yes.

I'm just a piece of lone dust carried by the wind.

An isolated piece of tiny filth...

Held by the only delicate breeze that keeps me from existing...

* * *

And I am no longer the Hilary everyone knows...

* * *

****


	6. HIM :: feelings

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

Has the world _altered_or something?

Because if it did, it sure had Hilary good.

Something's up with this girl and I know I have to find it out sooner, not later.

Ever since she stomped away after our argument days ago, she had been acting so strange that I don't know if I'm dealing against the Hilary I knew.

She had been pissed off after that.

But she never showed too much of it.

After I had screech something at her—I don't remember what I had said, _oops_—her face turns kind of normal.

But somewhere inside it, she was hurt.

What had I said to make her feel so down?

Like always, I never meant any of those.

They just pop right out of my mouth so I can actually fight against Hilary with stronger words.

She usually wins in every battle we go through and every argument we do.

How pissing is that?

A girl winning a mere argument by a BOY!

But I guess she took it all in seriously.

I mean, yeah I know she wanted to help us.

But I never knew that she'd want to help us THAT bad.

She just doesn't seem to give up on us.

And that's why I'm irritated.

Well, yeah, she's okay—but I don't mean it that way!

But she could at least mind her own business.

And which is why that sentence is strange.

Wanna know why?

Because Hilary actually minded her _OWN_business.

After she had walked away, and I was imprisoned by my teammates' request to check if she's okay, and I lie to them that I would so I could take my thinking walks

I had seen her there, sitting near the riverside, hugging her knees.

Now, that is _NOT_the Hilary I know.

She was looking up at the sky.

Like she was sad and _broken_...

And that took me by surprise.

The next couple of days, she didn't attend school.

Which is unusual and never her.

Everyone, who knows her as the perfect-girl-who-never-misses-school, were also wondering.

I guess that would be because of our argument.

Man, that girl just can't get it off her head!

And she never even visited our training afterschool.

Well, unfortunately, I had been happy about that, glad even.

I had actually beaten Rei for once.

And I never had any complaints about my eating habits every five minutes, except Max who complains I eat too much.

Well, I'm a fat?

_Psshh_, of course not.

Even if I am, what would you go against me?

Beybattle?

You're on!

And besides, my ears were _NEVER_hurting like it did when Hilary always screamed and screeches right in my ears.

And, man, it actually felt good not having Hilary around for a change.

But, yeah, I know, I'll regret it someday.

_SOME_day.

Not like I should be regretting it _EVERY_day.

Yeesh, I'm not _THAT_desperate.

But, like last time, my so-called friends were still at it.

"Why isn't Hilary here?"

I glared at Kenny but shrugged.

"How should I know?"

"She wasn't in school today, too," Kenny said.

I shrugged.

I don't really care.

"Was she sick?"

I shrugged.

"How come she wasn't in school?"

Shrug.

"Are you sure you don't know?"

Shrug.

"Does this have to do with the argue you two had days ago and if it is...?"

Shrug.

"Aw, C'mon, Tyson."

I roll my eyes and look at him.

"Look," I said. "I don't really give a tiny rat's ass, okay? All I care, for gosh sake, is to control my Dragoon properly!"

So Kenny didn't bother mentioning her anymore.

Good for him.

"She'll come back," I told him. "She _always_ does..."

I watched Dragoon accidentally hit a can when he wasn't suppose to.

Well, what a coincidence.

I knew Hilary would come back.

Well, not in the training, no.

I was running like hell towards school that day.

Yeah, yeah, I'm always late.

Big deal.

Not like, I'm PERFECT like _Hilary_ is.

Or, _'was'_, that is.

So, anyway, I'm pumping my legs to run as fast as I can.

Luckily, that training we did everyday got me worked up to get to school as fast as I can.

And, hee-hee, I got in school just in time.

I quickly open the classroom entrance door and ran towards my desk, panting like never.

"_YEAH! HAHA! I MADE IT! HAHA! I ACTUALLY MADE IT! AHAHA-HAHA-HAHAAAA!_"

No one had time to say anything because our teacher, Mrs. Chiyuki, had just stepped inside the classroom.

"Quiet, Mr. Granger."

I shut up.

And for the next couple of minutes, my mind started to wander off.

_hee-hee_

Well, what do you know?

Mrs. Chiyuki's teaching can actually automatically turn off my brain.

For the next half and hour, the teacher talked on and on and on and on.

_yawn_

Man, how the hell does she memorize all these words in for one day?

Teacher work must be _THAT_boring!

With all these talking and questions for the class to answer, I realize that there was still no answer for every question the teacher asked.

It's usually Hilary who answers the question, that smart aleck.

But, behind me, there was still no sound of that annoying voice of hers.

I should be happy about it because, for a whole lot of school days, there was nobody to annoy me, bother me, complain to me, yell at me, teach me things I don't even wanna know, or to argue to me.

I should be happy because Hilary isn't around anymore.

"_C'mon, class!_"

Mrs. Chiyuki slap her desk with her hand, hard.

Everyone didn't move, nor put their hands up.

The teacher had been a little irritated at us these past days.

I know that she knows Hilary is the only one that makes things perfect and she knows that this class would be a wreck without her.

I think this class would be just _FINE_without her.

But she was the class president, one of the top students, and the best of all the class.

And I know that, to admit it, without her this class wouldn't be so noisy and messed up.

Big deal.

Not like she's our master and we're the dogs and only she can calm us down by forceful words.

Well, it's kinda like that.

_Chuckles_

She can really make you sit when you're a pain in the ass in class.

And sometimes, she can be very persuasive when you're a bad boy/girl.

"Why don't you go call Hilary's house then, if you want her back?" I suggested, yawning.

I don't really know what I say when my mind's off into space.

And when my mind's off into space, I usually say things that are useful and things that I don't expect to say.

Mrs. Chiyuki sighed and shook her head with disapproval.

And that's when I know what the teacher had been doing.

I now know that she had tried to call Hilary but there was something wrong about it.

And I feel kinda—I got to admit—uneasy about this situation.

And maybe this is the time I should apologize to her about our argument days ago.

But somewhere inside me, I don't want to unless I know the reasons why she's suddenly upset and all over that whole incident.

But, again, somewhere inside that somewhere it will regret her reasons and it tells me that it's better off not knowing it.

But then, I've got another half.

A half that wants to know, curious about it.

A half that would make me feel better knowing it rather than let things be a mystery.

But, as for my own me, I can't think.

I just don't know, okay?

I mean, how the hell am I suppose to apologize to her when I don't even know why she would is so all over that incident?

How the hell am I suppose to know that her reasons would make me feel better?

Psh, like it would.

I don't think anything that Hilary would say to me would make me feel better.

Yeah, what WOULD she say to make me feel better:

_"Tyson, you jerk. You're not training hard yet! C'mon! I know you can do better than that!"_?

Like that would make you feel any better.

I gazed at my teacher with extreme boredom.

"C'mon, teach. Teach us something _easier_."

"I've been trying to, Mr. Granger, but it seems none of you ever study!"

"Yeah, we do!" I told her, my chin touching my desk, ready to attack a huge slumber that's coming on. "I know that the thing in the thing in science goes to the _thingy_with the... _thingy_..."

I put my hand behind my head and laughed like an idiot, usually.

Mrs. Chiyuki sighed and slumped onto her chair.

"Fine," she told everyone. "We'll start from scratch with what we did days ago."

I groaned.

"C'mon, Mrs. Chiyuki," I complained. "_You've got to be kidding me!_"

"And, Tyson," the teacher said. "_no more complaining_."

I scowled and closed my eyes.

Thank god because the bell rang for a long break for the second subject.

I dashed out of the class before the teacher said anything else and ran outside the school to meet up with Kenny.

Like always, I found him typing things to Dizzi, his bit-beast that got captured in his laptop by some freaky electric accident, sitting on a bench.

"Hey, whuttup, Kenny!"

"Hey yourself, Tyson," Kenny said and typed a little faster.

I don't really see any reasons of interests in that computer thing Kenny carries around EVERYWHERE.

We have computers here in school, for his infos!

But I do have the interest to know what Dizzi looks like.

And my eyes caught interest when I saw a figure entering the school gates, clutching the handles of her bag in her chest.

She was walking extremely slowly, so slow I don't think she even succeeded in finishing half that step in ten seconds.

Well no wonder it took her a while to get to school, that slowpoke.

She was staring at the ground and then turned her head to stare at the school building.

We were just thirty feet away from her right but I could easily recognize that girl in sky blue skirt and pale red sweater and white shoes.

She suddenly stopped as soon as she passed thirty inches pass the gates, still staring at the building that lay ahead of her.

Something is really up with this girl and I need to know what it is.

Or else it would affect her whole life.

_Chuckle_

Did I sound worried?

Haha, yeah I do.

But not that worried.

"Be right back, Kenny," I told Kenny.

"Whatever. Make sure not to try and run over me again when you come back, will ya?"

I stuck my tongue out, splattering waves of spit towards Kenny.

Kenny yelped and wiped his arms and Dizzi.

I laughed.

I turn and headed towards Hilary—WALKING, not running.

_Laughs quietly_

If i'd've been running, it would show that I was excited to see her, which I'm not.

But I AM excited to know why she hasn't been to school for days, maybe skipping.

She couldn't be sick.

She was perfectly fine when I was arguing with her.

And, see, I told you she would come back.

She can't possibly miss a whole school year just because of some stupid argument.

And, slowly, I walked towards the figure that stood motionless beside the gate entrance...


	7. HIM :: mixed feelings

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

It was like the whole world had gone completely _whacko_.

Like everyone changed.

Like they're their own opposites now rather than their own self.

Well, not everyone.

Just _this_ girl.

Because, before I reach Hilary, I halted few feet away from her.

Her face looked out of this world, like she was thinking of something else that isn't in this world...

Rather than thinking what she's facing in front of her.

Her face was tilted up high, as if she was gazing at the school building's rooftop.

For me, it looked as if she's thinking hard.

By that look on her face, it's awkward not to miss it.

They were pale.

Well, actually

I think her face has always been pale except when we fight that's when her face turns purple, blue, green, pink, or red.

I always thought it was funny when both of our faces turn different colors.

_Laughs_

But her face almost tells us all what she is thinking about.

It was as if her eyes and face tells me that she's...

Hurt...

It's strange because of all the times I've seen her get sad, this is obviously the strangest of all.

She was clutching the handle that diagonally lined to her left shoulder towards her right waist where her small white bag was held.

I see her hand gripping it tight.

I kinda flinch a bit because she pursed her lips tightly that it looked as if she was trying to press the bottom lip hard with her teeth.

Her eyes narrowed, trying not to cry in pain.

She surrendered to take any other step passed that gate entrance.

To my bewilderment, she closes her eyes.

It was like she never saw me there, standing only five feet away from her.

Like she had never seen anything, even the leaves that fell from the trees behind her or the kids that passed us by.

Like she didn't care whether who or what was in front of her.

I scratch my head and just stared at her.

Her head was still pacing high up the sky, eyes closed.

So, I decided to intrude her quiet moment.

I walked up to her and said, "Hey, Hilary."

It was as if she never heard me.

She just kept looking up at the sky with sealed closed eyes.

I turn to look at Kenny.

He was still typing away.

I turn back to look at her.

"Wussup, Hilary."

Still, she didn't answer me.

I guess she's still ignoring me because of whatever happened between us.

But it still didn't stop me from trying to get that girl's attention.

So I tried again.

"_HEY, Hilary_," I said, more forceful this time.

Damn, what's wrong with this girl?

I've still been trying to make out what happened last time.

It's weird 'cause I forgot what Hilary and I were fighting about last time.

All I remember is:

FLASHBACK

—"FOR ONCE, I WANT SOME DAY OFF, FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

"YOU'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT FOR DAYS NOW! FOR ONCE, LISTEN TO ME!"

"NO! WHY WOULD I, QUEEN OF BIG MOUTH!"

"BECAUSE!"

"BECAUSE?"—

END OF FLASHBACK

Basically, that's all the damn arguments I remember coming out of Hilary's mouth and mine.

Sometimes I worry for this girl.

But not THAT way!

I swear to god I don't like her.

HONEST!

But sometimes it's weird saying this, 'I don't like her'...

What's also weird and freaky is how Hilary was just standing there.

Why?

Because where she stood and where I stood basically makes it quite ironic.

She's just standing there at the edge of the oak tree's shadow.

And the specks of light that shoots through the gaps of the trees' leaves reflected all around her.

And here I am, standing in the sunshine, staring at the girl in the shades, unable to do or say anything else.

Now that's scary.

What's freaky is how the trees' shade reflected her face.

They were still... sad... in a way.

Today, a good and sunny beautiful day, she, Hilary, stands there, preferring the home of the shadow rather than the light.

And I, Tyson, is better off talking to Kenny and Dizzi about beyblading than standing here in the sunny ground right in front of the shaded face of Hilary.

The shade also showed what she felt.

Still, I tried not to mind at all.

All I need is to know what's going on around here, especially Hilary.

Once more, I tried again.

"I said _HEY HILARY!_"

Finally, she opened her eyes.

Slowly.

Like she just woke up in a trance or a really good nap or something.

But her head still didn't move to look at me.

God, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GIRL!

But still, I waited until she looked at me.

And she did.

I was a bit apprehensive by that face of hers.

They were almost the same face she gave me right after I remember yelling something at her.

Expressionless, but, hurt.

I backed away a bit.

It was like this Hilary I know—or I think I do until now— was a zombie.

Because as soon as she saw me, she tried a smile.

A smile that showed nothing.

"Oh, ohayou gozaimasu, Tyson," she said lowly and slowly.

I lifted my eyebrows, still apprehensive.

Woow...

That voice can never fool you because it sounded as if someone had hypnotized her into saying anything at anyone, at anything...

At _me_.

It was like she never meant any of those words she said.

Like she wanted to say, "_Good morning? 'Good'? What's so goddamn good about this morning and any other else?"_

But I just shrugged those thoughts.

"Wussup, Hilary," I said instead.

She just smiled at me.

"Fine, thanks," she answers.

Sarcastically, it seems to be years that passed until she hesitated to add another thing with her answer.

"Anata wa?" she just asks.

I don't answer.

I just looked at her.

I don't think she expects me to answer because as soon as she finished that remark, she walked off.

Slowly, she exited the shadow and brushed passed me, slowly as she can walk.

I could feel her shoulder brush against mine.

Soft yet it told me it should've hurt me.

Yet it didn't.

And I feel weird.

It was like that shoulder brush she gave against mine told me something.

Like it either said, _'sayounara'_ or... _'I'm still waiting..._'

Uh...?

But _waiting_ for what?

Seconds later when she passed me, I turned my head to look at her.

It's strange because I'm getting worried.

_Chuckle_

Yes, _WORRIED._

Because even that slight brush against shoulder told me that Hilary isn't herself anymore.

_Chuckle... Laugh_

And I was right.

Science class started later after that.

I took my seat beside Kenny as he typed away in his computer thing.

Our teacher, Mr. Izaki, soon entered the room as the bell had rang.

I looked around.

Where was Hilary?

I know for sure I got the same class as her in Science.

"Konnichiwa, class," Mr. Izaki began.

And before he could say anything else, my mind shut off.

_Chuckle_

I guess I still have that auto-mind shut-off as soon as I hear a teacher's voice, huh.

The teacher talked for what seemed like six years but really only ten minutes until the door slid open.

I wasn't really surprised who or what came in.

Because I knew she'd come to class anyhows.

And in walked Hilary.

Looking like the same as ever.

Although she walked a little bit faster, which is good.

She was still clutching her shoulder bag handles tight.

Hilary took a seat right behind me as I heard her bag fall on the ground.

Mr. Izaki, who had not notice Hilary's entrance, looked up and smiled.

"Konnichiwa, Miss Tatibana," he asked.

"Konnichiwa, Mr. Izaki," Hilary answered, calmly.

_Too_ calmly.

I try not to look back.

But I couldn't help it.

When I turn to look at her, I knew I should've expected this.

Her face is still the same and she was staring at her desk.

Why is she so sad?

Why is she so ticked off in the inside but expressionless on the outside?

Frowning, I turn my head back to look at the science teacher.

"You're back this time, hai?"

By that silence I heard, I'm guessing that she's nodding.

"Hai, Mr. Izaki," she replied, lowly this time.

"And not to miss out school for days again?"

"...Hai, Mr. Izaki."

Somehow I heard the same tone she had answered me minutes ago.

And I know what it means.

Hilary was not telling the truth.

(_Everyone goes wide-eyed_)

Mr. Izaki smiled.

"Now," he changed the subject. "On with science."

I was suppose to fall asleep but I can't.

My mind is thinking about Hilary.

Again.

Like the time I met up with her at the gate entrance minutes ago.

And how she had said something to me by one brush in the shoulder.

And how, I guess, she was hurt by something in the past.

Past?

What past was it?

Nothing in the past I remember ever involved with something as bad as making her so depressed all of a sudden.

But her shoulder brush tells us all...

Who is this girl?

What did she do to the Hilary I knew?

The Hilary that cheered me on when I Beybattle.

The Hilary that I always argue with every single day?

The Hilary that use to be a bossy loud mouth?

Somehow, it scares me.

Whatever made Hilary like this sure has got to talk to her.

But I doubt he or she will ever gonna do that.

Who ever that person is...

When I thought things over, I kinda enjoyed arguing with her.

It's the only thing that keeps me and her friends.

Arguing and fighting.

But I'm not really sure anymore.

Have I said something to her?

If I did, she should know that I never meant it.

I never meant any of those things I spit at her.

I just want to at least pounce back on her by words.

When she's too powerful or getting powerful, I usually say something that even I don't think I can tell her seriously.

Strange.

Real strange...

Hilary is...

A new Hilary.

And somehow I don't like.

Not at all..

  



	8. HER :: unrequited love…

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

I don't even know why I'm feeling like this.

It was only a small ruthless argument I had with Tyson and it's influenced me so much.

I didn't go to their training for days and this is probably my sixth or something absence.

Nor visited him when the day turned to night.

Not because I'm scared or felt like an idiot.

I just chose not to.

I'm just taking a walk that nights from the days after I finally went to school and my absence of their training.

I'm staying out of their way now.

But not forever.

There IS still some part of the old Hilary inside me.

And that one is the sometimes-bossy-and-annoying.

And I'm glad to have kept that in me.

If I wouldn't, how would the new Hilary exist if she can't be bossy sometimes?

Okay.

Old Hilary talk; why am I being such a bitch now?

What am I suppose to tell people why I'm acting like this:

"Oh, I'm sorry, me and this dumbass had a small fight and I think it hurt me so much I think I've got that rights to be a New Me because of that stubborn fool!"?

Laughs uncomfortably

Yeah.

Riight...

Wipes tears of laughter/stupidity/take-a-pick away from cheeks

Maybe I should go back to being the old me now.

But then, I've spent so many days being like this I don't think I can go back to being just me now.

A measly piece of damned dust I am.

And this damn wind is carrying every bits of my hopes.

And if it stops and let me fall onto that ground of fallen hopes and love, I'll go crazy and really let loose of myself from who knows what.

Siigh...

School wasn't much.

I could tell that people are starting to get worried about me.

Psh, like I would care.

It's too late to go back anyways.

This is me now, the New Hilary.

Out with the Old, in with the New, they say.

And that's true.

I look at my watch: 10:27 pm.

I exhaled softly and continued walking.

I decided to go back to the riverside, where I always go when I'm in a down mood.

This night is going to be windy.

Well, DUH.

The wind is almost so strong that it carried all of my flowing now-grown shoulder length brown hair hard forwards.

For a spring night, it sure is cold.

I hugged my arms and walked a little faster.

It would be just a little farther ahead, I could see the lone bridge that connected to the other side of the river and the downhill that reaches to the riverside.

When I reached the edge of the ground that would go downhill near the riverside, I hesitate to look at the river a bit.

It is beautiful!

So, too beautiful!

It reflected my watery eyes, the part he had never yet noticed all these years and I don't think he'll ever notice them...

I sigh and continue my gazing of the beautiful mystical view of the night.

With the glistening touch of the moon and stars and the navy blue colored darkness, the river looks like a portal-like that could go into a dimension along with the calm ripples.

A dimension I would hope would lead through a dream.

A dream where I will never go back.

Never go back...

And I want to go there.

Badly and longingly...

The grass were like demonic green lushes of soft tiny strings.

It looked dark and evil with the moon shining on it, making it look more silver than green.

It was also perfect along with the beautiful wide long stretched river.

Sometimes, I think I fitted well with nighttime.

I don't know why.

I'm bossy, what they say, and I'm me.

And nighttime...

I don't know, it's mysterious and cold in a way I can describe it.

Well, maybe I don't fit nighttime, maybe I never will.

It's mysterious and it can keep itself from others.

I wish I was like that but I'm different.

I like to be with others.

And they would love to be with be.

Nighttime is darker and I like to be bright.

Nighttime and me are completely different.

Yes...

But before long, I was sitting close beside the riverside that I could even smell the musty nothingness of it.

I sigh and smile.

I love the riverside.

Especially at night.

It's very serene and quiet...

It worked a little.

My mind cleared a bit and I was able to think of something else rather than him or beyblade for a change.

This time, I thought about tomorrow.

I wonder what tomorrow would be.

I hope it won't be as bad as the past...

Or yet, I hope it won't be so much of the future...

What WILL come tomorrow?...

But...

Chuckle

Who should know?

If you have known what would happen tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and maybe the day after that day of tomorrow and etc., life would be boring.

Really boring.

So I don't even think of knowing what tomorrow would bring.

No, that isn't me.

I want things to go as life want it to be.

But I have a feeling.

And I know that I wouldn't expect it...

Even the small sound of snoring that came somewhere in the darkness in my right side.

I turn to look at the extreme darkness and realize that the snoring was coming from somewhere in the blackness under the bridge.

It was a low sound, almost growling but in a different way.

But suddenly, I'm scared.

My heart pounded.

My eyes squinted to see what the darkness that under of the bridge hid.

And I know...

I wasn't alone...

Without thinking, I stood up and walk towards the darkness that led towards the sound.

Who could be up out in this late at night, rather than me?

Who want to sleep under a bridge in this cold spring night?

That idiot.

Maybe it's a homeless man, or some kid who ran away...

Ran away...

What could be the possibilities for me, a girl who really wanted to be back to herself again but can't, meet up with a person who, in fact, just want to get away and have a time by him/herself for a while?

Maybe I need that, too...

Run away...

Away...

I slowly sauntered at the first step of the darkness.

My heart is still pounding, slowly then quickly as soon as darkness engulfs me.

Face first, then the rest.

Chuckle

I AM stupid.

Why am I suddenly wanting to know who or what would be here in the darkness under the bridge?

What if it's a bad guy who wants to beyblade the Bladebreakers to capture their bit-beast again?

By hanging around with them, I realize that they were mostly being battled at just to get their bit-beasts.

I mean, why would you want to steal some creature stuck in a stupid toy?

I stepped sluggishly.

I guess the new Hilary would've done this.

Likewise, the old one would scream her ass off and run away.

But that isn't me anymore.

I should be strong.

This is the new Hilary.

Lone, isolated, new Hilary...

Suddenly, I feel kind of sad for myself.

Since I have vowed of this, I guess I would appreciate it then.

Hilary is cautious at everything.

Cautious at everything, known or unknown.

But I wasn't expecting what was going to happen next...

This person is snoring lowly and mumbling, too.

Suddenly, I hear the person's voice, mumbling.

I could tell he or she was dreaming.

"Go... Dragoon..."

I stop to my tracks.

Who is this person?

"Dragoon... attack... go, Dragoon..."

Dragoon?

I've heard that name so many times that it's in the tip of my tongue.

But, then again, I already do...

Even if I couldn't only see him in the dark, I would've known even from far away by that voice.

And now that he had said those words, I can now understand who I am dealing with.

I have so many questions in my head I can't think.

But my heart is still pounding, even more so because I know now who this person is.

I am scared to face him, scared to talk to him.

I want to apologize for telling him to shut up because I was in no mood to talk to the teacher.

And I know he wanted to take another argument with me.

Laughs

If that happens, and I know now, he will win that argument...

I continue walking towards him, wherever he is, until I bump into something soft (which would be his shoes).

I bend down and move my hands into the air.

I feel his one of his knees, bent up.

One hand was on the ground.

I didn't know how close I was so I tried to move closer so that he would hear me.

My voice is trembling and my heart pounded like hell.

I wanna faint.

I want to puke.

Especially, I wanna get out of here right away.

But I can't.

My mind tells me to go and leave him alone because I know I'm still mad at him.

But my body's still frozen in its place, unsure what was going on.

And it wanted me to go on and talk to him and maybe as for forgiveness, too, if necessary.

I sigh.

I haven't spoken to him for days now.

I don't think I'll be able to stand talking to him right now.

Especially after my reaction after our fight...

Right after he'd said those last cruel words to me, I felt like slapping him hard on the face.

Real hard.

Until it left a mark that will go away in days.

Until it left a mark that will leave a stinging pain that would rack through his whole body and soul.

Until it left a mark of my anger, my pain, my hurt.

To show that I really cared.

To show him that I never meant all those things I've told him all along.

But a slap he wouldn't even recognize as a seal of explanation.

He would consider it as my hatred towards him.

He would think I'd slap him because I really hate him, loathe him.

He'd think all those pain I would whack him in would leave a trace of unbearable hatred that he thinks I feel about him.

So I don't slap him.

But he doesn't know.

A stubborn idiotic dumbass like him wouldn't know.

He wouldn't even know me.

He wouldn't even know that that slap I would've given to him means that I...

I...

(No, it can't...)

I...

(It's shouldn't happen!)

I--

I try to shut my careless thoughts, not bearing to continue on.

I know that as soon as I say those words, even in my mind, I will never regret it for my whole entire life.

I gazed at the darkness in front of me.

My throat is caught in a midway halt.

But I said it anyways.

Said that word that I have never let my mouth physically say.

Said it...

Said his name...

I gulped.

My voice I hoarse and tense.

But I still said it.

"...T--Tyson...?"

God, don't let it be him!


	9. HIM :: do i love her…?

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

We passed a cherry blossoms trail, suddenly silent by the falling pink petals of the flowers that after school.

For a silly girly colored flower petal trees, these petals sure makes you calm when they fall on the ground like that, twirling and making circles as they fall.

Kinda wants to make you think things over, huh.

We quickly reached my place, where I could hear the twirling of Rei, Max, and Kai's beyblade.

Usually, I'm a lazy ass and I just sit there and do nothing, maybe sleep or eat.

But when it comes to beyblading, I'm in.

I quickly ran towards my teammates, dropping my bag on the ground.

Beyblading usually take my mind off from things.

An easy way to let my mind fall and let me think of other things rather than Hilary.

A way to get over things when you're upset.

A good thing because you can let out your frustrations into your beyblade...

And then it would spin like hell, so that it shows your anger.

Shows your victory, your feeling, and your defiance.

And when it's over,

Everything would be over.

Every single bit of your anxiety would vanish and you'd feel better all over again.

But I don't think it worked.

Not anymore.

I lost a couple of times, making my teammates worried.

Even when I tried being as pissed off as I can to get my Dragoon stronger, Kai always seem to win.

I guess there's a limit on how long your anger stays out until it comes back to haunt you.

And MAN, I'm pissed!

And wait until you know the reasons why these goddamn problems won't go away.

It's hard, you know.

And as for Kai, he was looking at me in this weird look in his face.

It isn't the same face, grim and expressionless, that he shows.

It was different.

I grinned idiotically back, rubbing the back of my head.

I try not to laugh like a jackass.

He closed his eyes, stretched out his hand and Dranzer dove straight towards his palm.

A perfect--as always, like mine--catch.

He set his beyblade on his launcher and prepared to fire it.

But he halted the firing part and looked at me, a perplexed face.

"If you want to win I suggest you should think about something else," Kai said.

I look at him, puzzled.

"What? Me? Think of something else? Why would you think I'd be thinking about something else rather than winning against you?"

Kai scowled, what he always does.

"Who can't tell?"

I waited until Dragoon dove towards me, catching it with my hand.

How relentless Dragoon tries to aim towards my hand, I still catch him.

I came to the same ready position as Kai, beyblade launcher stretched in front of us.

I tared at Kai and Rei and Max, who were practicing behind Kai.

"Look you guys, I'm only thinking about beyblade, okay?"

"Okay," Max smiles at me. "No worries, Tyson."

I scowled.

Oh, god, not again--

My god!

"We can easily tell your face, Tyson," Rei exclaimed.

I try not to glare at him but i do stop my ready position and stopped our beyblading to looked at my so-called friends.

What friends I have!

"Come on, be real, you guys!"

Max chuckles.

"We're trying to," he answers.

"Dragoon just needs his rest, okay?" I said. "That's WHY."

"Whatever you say, Tyson..."

"We're just worried about you," Rei said.

Kai grunts, either agreed or not.

I was wishing he isn't agreeing because I don't want anyone to be so worried for nothing.

I know they care a lot and they know when you're in trouble but I can't help hating it when they aim it all right at me.

And then, I know what they're trying to tell me.

I try to look offended but instead I started yelling.

I crossed my arms.

"Look, if you think I'm thinking about--about--about her you guys are definitely--DEFINITELY wrong about that!"

Max chuckled.

"Who mentioned anything about Hilary?" he asked me.

I blinked.

I looked confused.

Rei shook his head, chuckling.

"Then that means that you ARE thinking about her," Rei said. "It's about those fights you guys always have."

I scowled.

"I'm not, okay!" I try to tell them. "I just THOUGHT you guys wanted to TALK about her!"

"Well, we actually do," Kenny said.

And so he says.

"Get real," I mutter. "There's nothing wrong between us, okay? We're still cough friends."

"If you guys are then why isn't she talking to us anymore?" Rei asked.

"Yeah," Max agreed. "I tried to talk to her yesterday but she had to do something and walked away from me, Rei, and Kai."

"Without saying good-bye," Rei added. "That is NOT the Hilary I know."

I frowned.

"Why would you guys actually want her to come back?" I asked suddenly. "I thought she was a pain in the ass to you guys, too."

"She was, kinda," Rei replied. "But she's a good friend. At least appreciate her."

I rolled my eyes.

Appreciate her?

Hilary?

APPRECIATE HILARY?

That screaming loud mouth and QUEEN OF BIG MOUTH!

AH-HAHAA!

Riight.

Roll eyes

NINE HOURS EARLIER...

The next couple of days after that whole 'really-weird-incident-about-Hilary', things were still the same.

The same, yes, but not for Hilary herself.

Today--Friday (TGIF!)--, we still have school.

"Now, Miss Tatibana," Mrs. Chiyuki asked. "Can you tell me what the answer for number fifty-six 'b', please?"

In front of me, I couldn't see her that much.

But I know for sure that she wasn't paying attention.

Her head was turned, staring out at the window.

She was spacing out again.

Geez, this girl.

I just don't know anymore.

I look out the window to see what interested her.

All I saw was the sky, blank and really boring to look at.

Even with the teacher's voice, it still didn't reacted with Hilary's face, which was still out of this world.

I try not to react too much.

It scares me if I show too much emotions.

I hate it when it does.

I'm actually scared about it.

Chuckle

I'm still worried about her.

But I don't show it much, I don't want to.

Last night, Max had tried to call Hilary.

But she was... busy.

Busy.

Riiight.

Hilary still didn't turn her head around to look at the teacher.

God, doesn't this girl know that we're all looking at her?

Even I feel like putting my arms up and bawl out the answer!

Geez, what HAS happened to this girl?

I looked at Mrs. Chiyuki, whose face was the same as always.

She lowered the book she held and gawked at the girl.

"Miss Tatibana," Mrs. Chiyuki said. "Are you off in your own wonderland again?"

"...Nani...?... huh...?"

Hilary turned her head around to look at the teacher, perplexed.

Even if I was in front of her, I could still tell what that face of hers would be like.

It would probably be the same face she gave me when she came to school.

It's been like that ever since she came to school with her one week of absences.

I still think she skipped all those days.

"Gomen nasai," Hilary said. "I won't do that again, Mrs. Chiyuki."

The teacher raised one eyebrow.

"You're right you won't," she said. "Now, do you know the answer?"

Hilary stared at the teacher, trying not to showed her embarrassed emotions.

"Answer?... Eto...for what?"

Everyone was surprise.

Even me.

Hilary?

The class president, the smart aleck?

Doesn't even know where we are!

"Number fifty-six 'b'," Mrs. Chiyuki told her, rather irritated.

Hilary looked startled, even unsure.

And, me?

I was damn confused what was going on around here.

Why won't she say the answer?

"Oh," Hilary said. "Eto..."

We waited.

It was as if the whole world aged because Hilary hasn't seemed to say anything for the next minute.

With these passed days, I've been trying to figure out what has gotten into her.

Could she have eaten something bad?

No, that would be me.

Chortle

I forgot to eat breakfast today and my stomach is growling!

Usually, I never forget food.

Chuckle

Maybe I was worried about Hilary too much to eat.

Snicker

Yeah, right.

"Well?"

Hilary hesitated.

"Gomen nasai demo shiri-masen (I'm sorry but I don't know), Mrs. Chiyuki," she finally answered.

I raise my eyebrows.

"What!" I blurted out really loud. "You let us waste one minute of our entire boring life to hear you answer a dumb simple question and all you say is 'I don't know'!"

Hilary didn't say anything.

She just stared at her table.

I, basically, looked irritated.

But did I just hear her say "Shizuka nishiro, you (shut up, you)", because that really got my temper.

I was ready to attack her until my classmate beside me grab me hold by the arms to keep me from jumping fifty feet off my chair.

"Tyson!" Mrs. Chiyuki exclaimed, shocked at my sudden urge to want to pounce on her.

"We will not have or allow any fights in this class or else you will be heading to the office!"

I grimaced and slumped back down to my chair, arms crossed and heaping with frustration.

I don't usually try to want to attack girls.

But Hilary is really different from any normal girls.

And besides, we fight a lot sometimes.

"And Hilary," Mrs. Chiyuki turn to look at Hilary. "Are you sure you should be in school today?"

Hilary nodded slowly.

"But she's not even sick!" I called out again, standing up.

Well, what can you say?

I'm outraged.

"Genki-desu, Mrs. Chiyuki," Hilary answered lowly, ignoring me all the way through.

END

I look exasperated.

"I tried okay?" I tell them.

"No you didn't," Kenny said.

He caught his Draciel by the left hand and looked at me.

I rolled my eyes.

Okay fine.

So I don't appreciate her MUCH.

I usually try to argue with everything she says.

Rei place his hand on his waist and stared at me.

Max had his crossed and Kai was out of the blue.

Rei frowned at me.

I don't know what i just did but i ignored what Rei had asked me.

I don't even think i heard him.

"Don't you like her?--"

"Just because we had THAT fight doesn't mean that that girl should take SO seriously, sheesh!"

"Did you hear what i said, Tyson--"

I wave my hand up in frotn of me.

"And, besides, i think we all need a time off away from her maybe even for the rest of our--sorry, Rei, what were you saying?"

Rei sighed and tried again.

"I said, don't you like her?"

I blinked.

What?

What did he just say?...

Don't I like--who?

I didn't understand what Rei had said.

Or heard him.

"Come again?"

"Don't you like Hilary?"

Rei waited for me to answer.

I kinda hesitated.

A while.

A LOT while.

"What do you mean? do i like her a a friend or... or something more?"

Rei smiled.

"Both."

I looked taken back.

W--what?

Why would Rei come up with a dumbass question like that?

"W--what are you talking about? Of course I like her as a friend," I tell them.

They still looked at me.

It took me a long moment to figure out what they want me to say.

And i just realized what they meant.

"You think I HATE Hilary?"

Kenny nodded.

"Congratulation!" Dizzi proclaimed.

"The three time world champion just fuigured out what the answer to the question that was asked--le'see how long--two years ago?"

She was being sarcastic a always.

I was a bit shocked.

How can they think I would HATE Hilary?

Sure she's a LOT of pain in the ass but she's quite friendly sometimes.

SOMETIMES.

But I don't hate her.

If I did, i'd've kicked her out of our training schedule.

And out of our friendship.

But I DON'T--I have to admit--hate her.

And if I hated her then I would've told her that if she ever said that she...

Liked me.

But of course she doesn't like me.

I gaze at my friends.

"I don't hate her," I tell them slowly.

If Hilary likes me, she can't.

Hilary better not like me.

She can't like me...

No.

I just figured out that those damn emotions I felt when I first saw Hilary so hesitant when she came to school grew stronger.

And I feel weird...

"I--It's not like she likes me or anything..."

Without saying anything else, I turn and left the dojo, walking out of the entrance.

I heard Dizzi say, "Step back everyone! Our Tyson needs to think! Don't stop the world champion beyblader!"

No one stopped me.

I don't want them to.

I need time to think, again.

To think hard again.

If 'Love' doesn't intrude the life of beyblading, that would be okay.

If 'Love' wouldn't be harsh and so rejected, that would be good.

If 'Love' was created, I know for sure that 'Hate' is it's twin.

'Hate'...

Since I've preached you about 'Love' while ago, maybe I can tell you what 'Hate' means in my opinion.

Hmm...

What is 'Hate'?

Basically, I would've told you the same about what I thought about 'Love' maybe I should.

Well, what EXACTLY IS 'Hate'?

Well...

To tell you the truth, I don't now exactly.

Yeah, yeah, I sound like I don't know anything at all.

Big deal.

Anyways, for all I know I don't like to hate.

Unless it's an enemy, but that ain't the subject right now.

'Hate' is the twin of 'Love'.

Like twins, they are opposites rather than the same.

I try to think back to what had happened earlier.

Days ago.

But it still doesn't go through my mind.

But I have to admit, I'm kinda slow at finding things out.

I'll tell you once more and for the last time;

I wouldn't call it 'Love'.

Just 'Rejection'...

And I don't know anything about 'Love'.

It sounds kinda weird when I say it in my mouth

But so normal when my insides say it.

My insides...

I don't know which part of my insides but maybe I'll find out soon.

I close my eyes and I headed to a place I haven't gone for a long while.

'Love'...

Hilary can't like me...

She shouldn't...

She...

She just can't.


	10. HIM & HER :: prolonged memories

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

**TYSON  
**The wind was calming though my outside seemed so solemn.

My arms are crossed to shield myself from that damn cold but quiet wind.

But this coldness doesn't stand against me, _The_ Tyson Kinomiya.

(Maybe I should stop putting too much pride on my Title--oh well.)

I've been in worse cold condition like this when I fought Tala years ago.

I've stood a chance in defeating him and I _WILL_ stand a chance against this goddamn cold wind.

Besides, a sixteen-year-old boy ain't a sissy against a stupid dumb wind.

Or against a _'fight'_ you _'won'_ against a girl your age.

For a spring evening, this night sure feels like the middle of a winter solstice or something that's wintry shit.

I opened my shut closed eyes and stare at the river that looked like gold.

Maybe it worked a little.

My mind cleared up a bit of what happened three hours ago.

One hour after I had walked out of the dojo, Max and I encountered someone who wanted Kai.

Since I should care like I always do when some strangers wants to intrude a Bladebreakers, _I don't_.

I didn't care anymore.

I'm either upset or angry right now.

I don't have time to think about what happened to the stranger.

Or even why Kai disappeared unexpectedly...

_Sigh_

I should get tired of standing here for nearly three hours but somehow I can't budge.

I can't move.

It's like I should stay a bit longer in this riverside where I had found her sitting in a way where I stand right now.

This is also the same moment—a golden afternoon—where I had found her.

My red jacket and my black T-shirt are useless against the wind.

I'm still shivering like hell but I don't dare move a muscle.

For some reasons my mind is cleared from craps I don't like,

but my thoughts are still asking questions like a quick spinning beyblade.

I closed my eyes again and tried my best to shut my thoughts up.

But somehow I get this quick migraine that something inside me is trying to let me know something I don't know.

_Chuckle quietly_

I admit I'm rather slow at figuring things out.

But I don't really mind, don't even _care_.

I can just wait until it comes along my life and solves my problem away.

Yeah that might be a stupid and slow way to figure things out but I'll take it anyhows.

But, once damned again, this problem I need to be solved right away still isn't coming to me.

Like constantly, it gave me strange emotions that I always try to paid no heed of.

I'm still figuring out why the girl is so ticked off and out of this world now.

I'm still wondering why some stupid argument would be such a big commotion to her.

For me, it never meant anything.

Well, if you count those times she's called me a _pig_ because I eat too much, a _lazy ass_ because I try to avoid her training, a _dumbass_ because I don't like to go through her way.

But what I tell her doesn't mean anything, but sometimes I'm really good at saying it so seriously that no one would even believe I faked it all.

Realizing how late it was, I decided to rest my tensed legs.

Looking around I spot the bridge to my right and thought to rest under it.

Before moving, I quickly stretched my arms and craned my neck.

_God, how long have I been standing here?  
_  
It's like my legs had cramps for three weeks and my muscles absorbed too much milk that it hardened!

My head throbbed because I had kept my pace in front of me the whole time, thinking.

Each muscle that moved in my head, twinge in silent pain.

I blinked a few times, still craning my neck.

Soon after that, I began walking up toward that bridge and settled myself somewhere near the edge of the walls underneath.

It's colder here.

The fading evening light hardly compared the iciness of the bridge's shade underneath.

I shivered a bit and crossed my arms, bending one of my knee to conceal a few of the wind's hard hits.

I fixed my hat, tipping the rim of my hat, which was positioned behind me, lower so that it won't bother me from behind.

Damn this jeans, yellow shirt, red vest is so useless for nighttime!

Especially for spring or winter or fall.

Maybe even summer!

_Growls in exasperation_

But before long, I decided to take a little nap since I still don't feel like going back to the dojo.

It didn't take any longer than two minutes before I slept.

And I was dreaming, yet again...

_Beyblades were fighting against each other. One was white and one was lilac and one was white. It figures that the white one was mine. I don't know about the lilac one but it sure doesn't look familiar. Usually, when I dream, I dream about Beyblades I've fought before. So that my memory of my victory stays inside me and will keep me happy. Anyways, I'm probably beybattling with some stranger in my dreams. So anyways again, it looked like I was about to by kicked by my ass because I could see Dragoon wobble a bit. With a yell of something, Dragoon started spinning again. I smile._

_For some strange reason, I'm surrounded by blackness and all I can see is the two Beyblades jumping high and low at a ground or sky or something, I don't know. Everything looked so dark! Suddenly, the lilac beyblade is suddenly kicking ass and smacking my beyblade right on the top where Dragoon's picture was placed. With sudden anger, I made my move._

_"Dragoon! Come OUT!"_

_With a screech, Dragoon slowly came out of the white beyblade, with shining bright flash of light first then Dragoon itself. I know all the time that every time Dragoon comes out, I would win. I know that Dragoon always gets stronger. Grinning suddenly at a darkness in front of me, I prepared for a battle._

_"Dragoon!... Attack!... Go, Dragoon...!"—_

"..._Tyson_...?"

I was cut off from my really good dream.

Suddenly, since I was back to reality, I started to shiver.

I guess it was too cold since it's nighttime, for who knows how long I've been sleeping here?

"Is it breakfast already?" I yawned.

I slowly opened my eyes.

_God, how dark is it?  
_  
Because when I opened my eyes, it was almost as dark as where I was in my dream.

Something warm gently pressed onto my flexed knee.

It startled me and I flinched at how warm it is compared to the cold night.

I opened my eyes clearly to see who or what was in front of me.

I couldn't see anything because my eyes were either still blurry or it was too dark to see.

But I _do_ know that it's a _'who'_ since I could see glints of an eye.

_The eyes...  
_  
They looked familiar.

Like it's those eyes I never paid too much attention of...

"_Wha_...?"

"Tyson? Is that you?"

_That voice...  
_  
It sounded so familiar.

Yet somehow I've forgotten it.

Without thinking, I stretched my arms and yawned again.

Suddenly, the voice came again.

Irritated this time.

"Tyson, it _is_ you! _What the hell are you doing here?_"

I opened my eyes wide and moved forward, trying to clear my vision.

But when I halted to where I thought would be a good position to see whom it was, I knew I was way too close to the person.

I could that breathing like it was one inch away from my lips.

And—_chuckle_—it was.

I could feel that hot breaths of that person, that feminine but snappy voice.

I could also hear hearts thudding.

I couldn't tell if it was mine or that person but before I could see who that person is, I quickly flinch in deep startle.

Again, the whole world began to alter.

Only this time, my heart began to thud.

Every beat told me that I should move back.

But half of those beats took hold of that warm but hot breaths that softly blew towards me.

But then, the other _other_ half told me that I should do something further than what I'm doing now.

_What the hell was I going to do?  
_  
I know for SURE that this is NOT the Tyson I know because I'm getting thoughts...

Thoughts of—of...

_YEECH!_

I shook my head and leaned back against the wall.

I stare at the girl, my arms now crossed.

It was her.

I should've know by that voice of hers, although I haven't heard it for a while.

It was her.

_Hilary._

**HILARY**  
It really is Tyson who is sleeping under this bridge.

But what was he doing here?

Why isn't he sleeping in his dojo after their everyday long training?

Come to think of it, _DID_ he even trained today?

My hand still rested on his bent up knee.

I had gotten irritated and let the old Hilary come out of me,

making him startle...

And..

He had suddenly moved so close that I hardly even blinked before I realized that he was one inch away from my face...

_Enough to make me breath hard.  
_  
...

_Enough to make my heart thud like hell.  
_  
...

_Enough to make it easier for me to just move one more inch closer to him and kiss him...  
_  
... hmm...

But of course I wouldn't do that.

_No.  
_  
Of course not.

Because, since he was so that close, I couldn't seem to move.

I couldn't make my muscle move away from him.

I was too scared that if I don't kiss him, I might not ever get my chance.

If I don't touch those lips of his, I'd go ballistic and start weeping.

But, would I want to kiss him?

_Chuckle_

I could tell he felt the same because as soon as he found out how close we were from each other, he quickly leaned against the stony wall and crossed his arms.

He stared at me.

I stare back at him.

_What IS he doing HERE?  
_  
Suddenly finding a newly strength to moved back, I remove my hand from his knee and placed it on my lap, my knees kneeling down.

"Tyson, what are you doing here?"

Tyson puffed and closed his eyes.

"Would _YOU_ like to know?" he asked sarcastically.

The same Tyson I always fight with.

Same, sarcastic, dumb baka I try not to like.

I try not to let that old Hilary come out again so, instead, I sigh really heavily.

The wind came in again and we both shiver.

God I hate spring nights, autumn nights, winter nights, even summer nights!

They're both damn _COLD_.

I hugged my arms and tried not to cry out and wished I had brought my jacket with me.

But I still looked at Tyson.

"Hai," I told him. "I'd like to know... very much."

It seemed to startle him again.

The way I talk, so politely.

_Laughs_

I'm new now.

Changed, too.

And to change back to the old me will take more than just a begging and pleading.

I turn to look at Tyson.

"Well?"

He just looked at me.

Like, _'What the hell are you talking about?'_ look.

"_TYSON_, why are you here?"

The old me almost got out.

Tyson hesitated to answer and closed his eyes again.

"Sleeping."

_And so he says...  
_  
I frowned but I showed composure.

"Can I take a seat beside you?"

Now _that_ would be something I will _never_ ask too much.

"Whatever, sure," he answered.

I smile and took a seat beside him.

Not too close though because that would be the key to getting the old me out.

And I hope I would never in a million years be close to Tyson.

I took a seat where the edge of the wall was, so that I was half sitting in the shadows and in the moonlight.

I looked at the star crammed night sky and gazed at the full moon in front of me.

God, what a beautiful view.

And I'm sitting beside him looking at it, too.

_Smiles_

Sometimes I wish, Tyson would be at least faster at figuring things out.

Sometimes I wish he wouldn't be so stubborn like always and rude to me too much.

Sometimes I wish he'd figure it out sooner that these mixed feelings I'm getting are becoming one.

And the only answer is that I have never hated him.

I have only liked him.

Liked him very much.

I still don't know why but I guess it's how he sacrifices his life into beyblading, especially beybattles with a worthy opponent just to save your life.

But what scares me is what would happened if we DO get close.

I might intrude in his beyblading career and he'll get pissed off at me.

And I'll just ruin the Bladebreakers' fame because I've introduced them to 'Love'.

Not the 'Love' they have for their beyblade, for their bit-beasts.

But _'Love'_.

_'LOVE'.  
_  
For a girl or for a boy (if you're a girl, that is).

I hope Tyson would never fall head over heels for anyone.

Even me...

Yes, I admit I like Tyson beyond _'Like'_.

But I would really care about his career as a beyblader if that's what he wants.

I wouldn't let some goddamn emotions go through his heart and make him soft and mushy and make him lose to beyblading.

_No.  
_  
I want Tyson to win it.

I really do want him to achieve that whatever goal he wants it to be.

I suddenly blush at the thought of Tyson really DO falling head over heels for me.

_Chuckles_

No, that will never happen.

Tyson hates me.

And that should be good.

But then...  
_  
it would hurt me.  
_  
It would hurt him if he ever loves me.

But...

It would hurt me to have him ever not love me.

It's so confusing.

I know Tyson hates me.

That's why I try to show cruelty to him.

So he won't notice that I have deep feelings for him.

And I hate it.

Being able to yell at him like that.

But sometimes, it feels good.

To let out my anger and pain.

To let out that wants to be out of me.

But one thing for sure though...

I will never let _'Hate'_ get in the way.

In the way of Tyson and beyblading...

_And in the way between Tyson and me even right now..._


	11. HIM :: unbearable pain & her emotions

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

------------------------------------------------------------------

**PREVIOUSLY  
**  
**Tyson**

_"Dragoon!... Attack!... Go, Dragoon...!"--_

_"...Tyson...?"_

_I was cut off from my really good dream._

_Suddenly, since I was back to reality, I started to shiver._

_I guess it was too cold since it's nighttime, for who knows how long I've been sleeping here?_

_"Is it breakfast already?" I yawned._

_Hilary_

_It really is Tyson who is sleeping under this bridge._

_But what was he doing here?  
_  
--------------------------------------------------------------------

"What are you doing here, Tyson?"

I stared at the girl that sat far away beside me.

She was sitting in between the darkness' shadow and the moonlight's shine.

Another ironic and strange way her position is always been.

_Chuckle_

Day and night, isn't it now?

I stare at the moon that was cut off by the bridge's roof on the right.

I was still cold and I'm even shivering but I can't seem to stand up and go home.

I guess my bones became numb and something was keeping me from getting up.

Again, the girl asked the same question over and over until I answer the truth.

What am I doing here?

_What the hell is SHE doing here?  
_  
maybe I should be the one asking that question!

But although she asked me that question over again, her back was faced towards my side.

I stared at her next.

Her diagonal body at least.

I could see her right cheek and her face was tilted up like the first time I saw her change into a new life.

I sighed and slowly slid down the grass to lie on my back, hands behind my head.

My hat slid off my head and fell on my face.

I sighed again, relief that there's at least heat in my hat.

I closed my eyes.

It was midnight right now so I decided to get my nap in here.

I was too tired, my muscle tense from sleeping sitting up and my bones ached from that position.

My knee still bent up, I finally found the most comfortable position all night.

"Tyson, aren't you going to..."

Hilary trailed off.

I guess she wasn't expecting me to be in this position all of a sudden.

"_Tyson what do you think you're doing?_"

I groan in exasperation.

"Sleeping," I told her. "_Can't you see?_"

There was a slight hesitation.

Then a sigh from Hilary.

It seemed like moments for us to say anything.

For me, all I want is to sleep.

I don't know about Hilary but I do know that she should go home or else she'll get a cold.

When I open my eyes, all I could see was the inside of my hat and smell of the heat that came from my hair.

I yawned loudly and sighed.

_Time to get me some sleep!_

I try to get back that dream this girl interrupted so I could see myself winning once more.

But again, Hilary interrupts my thoughts.

"Tyson?"

I groaned silently with annoyance.

I know I shouldn't start a fight with her since I wouldn't have any reasons why I would be suddenly arguing with her.

_Hmm...  
_  
I don't know...

It still doesn't make sense to me how her and me suddenly became friends the moment she found out what the Biovolt had been trying to do to us.

All I remember is that we also argue and she always tells me to stop eating, stop complaining, and stop talking while training with the others.

All I remember from her is yelling, screeching, shouting--for god's sake!--boss us around!

But, still, there was a strange combination with this things that made her and me friends.

Hmm...

Come to think of it, how DID we really became friends?

Or...

Are we REALLY friends?  
  
Or just some two people that likes to hang around each other?

_Sarcastically widens eyes with a sympathetic gasp_

_Likes to hang around each other?  
_  
_Laugh out loud!_

Psh, I can't even stand getting near her!

Sometimes I try to imagine Hilary to be at least quiet and nice for a change so we can really hang out together.

But, you know what?

_That NEVER EVER happened!  
_  
Every time we go somewhere together, she starts complaining and I have to sigh and walk away from her.

What IS wrong with this girl?

I just don't understand these feeling she feels.

But then there's this something you--I--feel.

This...

Weird feeling you get sometimes for a reason you can't work out.

And I try to know what this feeling is but somehow I can't.

It's like this pace I try to use to solve things works but...

It just won't work with problems against girls--

No.

_THIS_ girl I know.

—It's like I need someone's help to help me aid my problem into solving it.

And guess who's the first person I thought of that should help me figure these problems out.

Probably the ONLY person.—

Yeah...

Hilary.

_HILARY!  
_  
_And WHY does it HAVE to be HILARY!  
_  
True she and I were the only one arguing rather than me or one of my teams and it should be fair that she should help figure things problem out since she's part of it.

But how IS she going to be any help?

_by yelling?  
_  
No, I've had enough of her yelling at me and tired of me trying to think quickly of something to spit back at her.

But, with this so-called... NEW Hilary, maybe I can get just one tiny chance of her aiding me.

MAYBE.

"Tyson?"

I open my eyes and snap back to reality.

My hat starts to slide off my face and down to my left ear.

My right eye was the only thing that can see the bridge's dark top.

My right eye wanders to the top of my head.

I could see Hilary.

And, not surprise at all, she was hugging her knees and her chin was on those pale naked knees of hers, with closed eyes.

I close my own eyes...

_Eyes...  
_  
I have never actually thought of looking at those eyes of hers since they were filled with, probably, anger.

I don't even know what color they are...

_Chuckle_

Oh well, _darn me_.

"Tyson!"

Although she tried to make that voice forceful, the tone of her expression was soft, calm, and quiet.

"What now!"

I place my hat back onto my face and sighed.

_"What is it now?"  
_  
Sometimes I wish that this--NEW--Hilary would say things faster than be so... hesitant every time.

"...Never mind..." Hilary sighed softly.

Was ALL she could say!

I rolled my eyes.

"You called my name just to say _THAT_!"

Hilary hesitated.

Then she said, "_no_..."

She didn't say anything else.

"Hilary," I said. "Sometimes I don't understand you, you know that?"

Hilary tried not to look at me.

"No," Hilary exclaimed, quietly. "_YOU'RE_ the one that's too hard to understand, don't _YOU_ know that?"

I try to look shock.

"_Me? What do you mean?_ You're the one who yells, screams, boss us—_ME_—around telling us what to do!"

Hilary still tried not to look offended.

"Yeah but..."

She trailed off.

I took my hat off and placed it on the ground beside my head.

God, I'm tired of having this talks with Hilary.

This _New Hilary_.

Even if this is just the second time.

"But what? _WHAT?_"

Hilary exhaled loudly and shook her head slowly.

"Never mind," she held. "You won't understand anyways..."

Underneath her breath, I could hear her whisper something.

With this quiet place we are, it's like Hilary's yelling those words out loud.

"You don't understand me anyway..."

I try not to let my temper in.

For the sake of a 'good' conversation.

Well, at least this is turning out better than I'd imagine, no screaming or arguing or telling each other what we should do.

But I have a feeling it might not be what I'll expect.

"Look," I told her without thinking. "It doesn't really matter if I understand you or not, okay? All I don't understand is why in the hell are you acting like this!"

Hilary buried her face on her knees.

I frowned.

God, I hope she's not crying because that really make things difficult and scary.

Seeing Hilary—you know, _HILARY_—cry and do sappy stuff I've never seen her do.

To my relief, she didn't cry.

All I heard her say is a really big sigh.

REALLY big.

As if she just ran a three-mile stairs.

I frowned.

For the hundredth times: _what the hell is wrong with this—this GIRL?  
_  
I don't even know how she found me here or what the hell she's doing here but I do know that this isn't a good time for me to make another argument with her.

I don't even think this is a good time for me to talk to her right now.

Sure she's taking someTHING seriously right now.

And I know it bothers her.

A LOT.

But I don't think I have time to know why she's bitching someTHING about.

Hmm...

Well, YEAH, I wanna know what it is.

But...

This is a NEW Hilary I'm talking about.

The girl who tries not to talk to you a lot.

The girl whose got strange feelings inside her.

_Chuckle_

Like me...

_Laugh quietly_

Yeah, maybe she feels these weird things inside me, too.

But I'm not sure.

Maybe I'm right...

Then maybe I'm wrong.

But I _HAVE_ to find out sooner, still not later.

"...Do you really want to know...?"

I was surprise by how she said that.

It was how she had talked to me when I saw her at the entrance of the school days ago.

But more...

Depressed and doubtful.

Strange.

No, not strange.

SURPRISINGLY _BIZZARE_.

I sat up and turn my head to look at her.

She doesn't know that I'm staring at her because she was still crouching.

Another ironic thing in life since I've seen her this way before.

I for sure know that Hilary should go home quick.

With that frail, thin reddish pink sweater that barely reached her waist, that short white skirt, and that slip-on white shoes with no socks...

_Laugh_

It's hard not to miss.

I quickly turn around so that I'm facing her, legs crossed, arms crossed, and a good six feet away from her. I let silence in so that Hilary would wonder what in the hell I'm doing until she moves that browned-haired head of hers up.

She place her head up lowly, so that only half of her face showed from behind her knees.

I smiled.

"Finally," I tell her. "Took you _LONG_ enough to get your own attention!"

She didn't react.

But her face was confused.

She's probably thinking, _'what do you want now, Tyson? Everything?'_

I look at her.

"You know what, Hilary?"

She stared at me real long.

"What," she finally asks, skeptically.

I try not to smile but it's just too hard not to keep a smile in when you want to know something.

"Yeah," I told her. "I want to know."

I could tell that she tried to keep that frown in but I could see her eyebrows furrowed down a little.

She must've forgotten.

"Know what?"

"I want to know why you're suddenly this—_NEW_ Hilary Tatibana."

With an "_oh_", Hilary rested her chin on her knees and didn't say anything else.

I grimaced at her and waited.

AGAIN, the whole world seem to slow down and we're, like, _GROWING OLD_ here.

_Rolls eyes_

I looked closely at the Hilary Tatibana I once knew.

Her eyes were blanked and she was thinking hard.

I guess she doesn't know what to tell me.

Or, rather—HOW to tell me whatever it is.

But somehow, I have a feeling that I shouldn't know what it is she's going to say to me.

But then, I DO want to know so that this problem inside me is finally solved.

I hate mixed thoughts, mixed minds, mixed feelings.

They're too complicated and it gets in the way of what you are right now.

"...Do you really want to know?"

I could tell that she doesn't want to tell me because I know that even she wouldn't like what she'd say.

"Well, yeah, I guess," I answered.

I pause to add, "Uh, I'm guessing you don't wanna tell me?"

Half-closed eyes, she surprised me by smiling.

The night around us lighten up a bit, just a bit.

The moon passed midnight and it was now really early morning.

The wind was still cold and Hilary and I were shivering a little.

Well, Hilary was shivering more and I hardly am since I have more layers of clothing than hers.

The grass underneath us was dry but really icy cold, which made our shivering more uncontrollable.

I heard a couple of vehicles from far away.

Hilary smiled to me for like two seconds until she was back to whatever emotions she had earlier.

"It's stupid," she finally said something. "I—I don't think I can tell you, Tyson..."

I look at her.

"Why not?"

She looked away, unable to say anything else.

"Like I said," she whispered. "It's stupid..."

I decided that she might need a little minute or two of silence again.

So I let her.

Maybe I'm giving her a hard time even when I don't know yet.

What can I say?

We've been sitting here under this bridge for who knows how long, probably ten minutes?

Maybe more or less?

I don't know.

But sitting here with Hilary makes me feel like two hours with this New Hilary I'm now trying to understand.

I try to understand this girl right now but it's too hard.

She's trying to run away from me now when she was always stuck in front of me before this new being happened.

It was always her loud voice and loud complaints about me before.

Now, all I hear is her soft whispers and her glued lips unable to open forever.

I don't know but it's like I've gotten use to her yelling at me.

I don't even care what she sometimes say.

Now that the desert silence came, my ears were ringing with annoyance of peace.

Yeah, you can pretty much say that I miss the old Hilary now.

I can't complain.

I need to yell at _SOMEONE_.

"What would be so stupid about a little explanation?" I interrupted the stillness.

Hilary didn't turn to look at me.

She pretty much ignored what I asked her.

But I had to guess.

Even if the first thing was the right one...

"Was it about our fight last time?"

I could tell I was right because she kinda recoiled a bit.

"Well, is it?"

She turn her head to look at the ground in front of her.

"Not just that."

I look at her.

"What do you mean?"

Then, Hilary looked (_GLARED_, probably) at me in a way that made me uneasy.

Her eyes were angry, for sure, and her lips pursed tightly together.

The wind gently danced with her brown shadowed hair.

And for sure, Hilary is pretty pissed off.

From whatever that just happened...

To my complete surprise, she stands up and stares at me.

And her eyes were watery.

"_DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU SLOW-BRAINED DENSE BAKA!_"

I was quickly taken back by her coming attitude.

Her voice was shaky and her cheeks were wet with her clear tears.

Clear huge tears.

I look back up her.

She looked at me like I was some incredulously stupid idiot.

_Maybe she was right.  
_  
Her mind is thinking that I've already been a stupid idiotic moron ever since...

And her shaky angry voice made me feel something I haven't felt for a long time.

And I've forgotten how much it had hurt.

And now, I'm feeling it for not the first time, I can predict.

She clenches her fist hard, keeping that hard sob inside her.

And I just stared back...

_Don't I understand what?  
_  
Without hesitation, she walked towards me and does something I have never imagine her doing...

And—

**_WHAAAAPP!_**

A hard slap clobbered in my right cheek, giving me a red mark in that cheek.

A red mark that looked as if it will never go away.

But soon it'll disappear anyways.

The only thing that will stay in that mark is the pain...

The pain that seared slowly through my veins, my head, my eyes, my heart.

I don't know but this is an easy explanation that Hilary had hurt me...

Not just physically.

_But also emotionally...  
_  
I sealed the pain by covering it with my hand.

I was half surprise and half-confused.

What did I do now?

I just stared at her.

With a stare that asked the only question I wanted to know:

_'..W—what did I do to you...?'  
_  
With that confused/shocked face of mine, I still stared at her with hard eyes.

I should be mad at her.

I should yell at her for doing this.

I should just walk away...

Leaving her alone...

Maybe

_forever.  
_  
But I couldn't, I can't seem to do so.

It's like this isn't over yet.

Something should happen more.

And I can't seem to express any anger.

_Strange...  
_  
But I still looked at her.

With that unanswered question in my eyes.

Suddenly, Hilary's angry eyes softened and kneeled down close in front of me.

I watched her, now really confused, as she just stares back me with that soft eyes.

Her face looked of pity.

And I don't like pity.

It only shows weakness.

But her pity wasn't the pity I hated.

We were about half a foot close to each other, staring at each other.

Hilary felt sorry now, I could tell.

She felt sorry for ever slapping me so hard that the pain concealed inside me.

My heart, especially.

And now, I'm wishing that that slap would've told me that she hates me...

_Loathes me.  
_  
A tear trickled down her left cheek, lips trembling slowly.

"Don't worry, Tyson," she whispered to me.

She pushed her right hand hard on the cold grass.

But she just stares at me, while I stare back at her.

And before long, she brushes that hand of mine away from the pain I try to seal away...

And placed that right hand of hers over my cheek.

I just stared at her, confused and with the unanswered question in my eyes.

But I quickly shut my eyes for ten seconds, as that iciness that Hilary sucked through from the ground and unto her hand released through my aching cheek.

"Are you okay now, Tyson?" she asks me softly.

I didn't nod, or smile, or gave her any answer.

I just stared at her with glimmering eyes of confusion.

In my mind, I wanted to say "Hai, genki desu (yes, I'm fine)..."

But then I wanted to say "Kega shite shimaimashita (I'm hurt)..."

But then I might blurt out, _"What the hell are you doing, Hilary? You know I can take care of myself so why don't you just back off?"  
_  
But I said nothing.

_Hilary was healing the pain away.  
_  
She was easing that hot searing pain with her cold hand.

I try to shut my eyes again because the pain that tried to heal away throbbed.

I opened my eyes and continued to gaze at her.

_What is she doing?  
_  
Why is she trying to heal something she had wanted to hurt so badly? She blinked away her watery teary eyes.

And I was surprise by what color of eyes I saw...

_Ruby…_

Her eyes were clear crystal ruby.

_And it fitted her.  
_  
...

Her face was so gloomy I don't even think I could say anything to her.

"I'm sorry, Tyson," she whispered to me and smiled.

I didn't react.

I don't want to.

Because if I do, who knows what feelings I might start to feel...

Her hand was soft against my cheek.

For some weird reason, I tried not to look upset when she took her hand away from there.

My cheek was still red but I know it'll be gone tomorrow.

_And...  
_  
As if the world will stop soon and no hope will come between us,

Hilary delicately placed her head against my chest, eyes closed.

And without warning, she started to sob.

Loudly but sounded so painful that I had forgotten to push her away.

I sat rigid and frozen, unable to think of anything to do.

It felt weird having Hilary's head against my chest.

I know I should hate it but I can't.

_I can't seem to hate Hilary anymore...  
_  
_Chuckle_

And all I could do was rest my hand on her head and felt her soft brown hair.

My heart was beating like a crazed homicidal maniac running away from its enemy.

And I tried not to tremble.

And I know she could feel them.

I have never felt so scared in my whole life.

Before long, she took her head off my chest and stood up.

And I was looking up at her again.

"I'm sorry, Tyson," she told me.

She smiled at me, hopefully, a real one.

"You'll just have to figure it out yourself now..."

"Wakarimasen (I don't understand)..."

She smiled again.

"_That_," she answered softly. "If you take time to think you'll know... But since you aren't that kind of guy, you'll just have to wait..."

I still look at her.

But I know it's too late to find it out.

I also know that she would be right soon.

"Gomen nasai," she said, her final. "Sayounara, Tyson... _you slow baka_..."

With her final words, Hilary turned around and left.

I watched her... hand finding its way back to the cheek she had engraved her sadness upon on.

And left me sitting there...

Confused.

I shook my head.

_No...  
_  
She can't like me...

Hilary can't like me.

Or love me...

_She just CAN'T.  
_  
...

And I refuse to even try and...

And _love her_.


	12. HER :: all real…

i don't own Beyblade

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

_"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU SLOW-BRAINED DENSE BAKA!"  
_  
I stood up, trying to fight my hard tears away.

I was able to fight the upcoming tears that climbed off my eyes.

But although my tears didn't come out, my voice was shaky.

And with that only shaky voice, my tears popped out and I was sobbing quietly--no.

I was sobbing angrily.

_'IDIOT! IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!'  
_  
I stared at the dumbfounded face of that stupid boy I couldn't hate.

Couldn't hate..

_Chuckle_

_Just COULDN'T hate!  
_  
He looks at me, eyes confused.

_Now what the hell is that?  
_  
This baka is STILL too slow to figure what I just said!

This IDIOT is so SLOW that—that—

I clenched my fists real hard and walked towards him.

And with final thoughts about doing this, I smacked him hard in the right cheek.

I know he wasn't expecting that since I could see the amazed shock look in his face.

A large very visible mark strokes his whole right cheek where I had marked.

A mark where he would remember _NEVER_ to forget.

A mark where my misery and too much is engraved.

The mark that he will soon realize...

_Someday...  
_  
That red pain that reflects the pain in my heart...

Emanated towards him.

So he can feel what difficulties he gives me sometimes.

I don't know.

I just can't take it anymore.

I just can't argue with Tyson with jut words to get this devotion I feel from him.

It just isn't any use to distract myself by arguing with him by words.

And I hope—HOPE—that this slap that even I don't want to do but had to will make him figure out.

Figure out what I have kept inside for years.

Kept right inside of me when it's been wanting to get out.

_So it gave me obstacles.  
_  
And made me tag around with them.

With him.

When I gazed down at him, his face was somewhat unreadable.

But I know that deep down inside him, this pain I had strike him will change him.

Will not only physically hurt him.

But emotionally, too.

And I do hope this pain I had gave him will really make him figure it out.

But I do really hope that it won't change EVERYTHING in him.

And that is why I felt pity for ever slapping him.

But I just had to.

I had no choice.

And when I looked at him, my heart flipped.

I tried not to feel so sad for him because his bright blue eyes asked me a question I couldn't even tell him.

_... What did I do?...  
_  
My heart felt so heavy that all I wanted was to cry.

_What HAD I done?  
_  
What will happen when he really finds out that I—I like him more than just—just _Like_?

I won't even bear looking at him.

No...

_I can't.  
_  
But then, he didn't do anything.

He just sat there.

I try not to look so confuse.

What is wrong with this boy?

He should be pissed off at me for ever so slapping him so hard.

He should have yelled at me like never.

That angry voice I try not to let sink in me.

Tyson should just...

Walk away from me.

Leaving me alone...

Forever.

But he didn't.

And I was surprise.

Really surprise.

Hmmm...

Maybe this isn't over yet...

I stared at him still, with that strange look in his eyes.

_What had I done?  
_  
Why did I ever slap Tyson so hard?

Why did I ever let my instinct get to me?

Why is it that half of me wants to let Tyson know that I have feelings for him?

And why is the other making it so hard for me?

My angry eyes softened and I know I have been defeated by my own inner thoughts.

I hate losing over to Tyson.

Especially when my reasons are beyond what anything is.

With another final thought, I kneeled down in front of him.

He was looking at me with a weird look, maybe confused.

I look at him, trying not to show too much compassion in my eyes.

I know he hates pity.

I know he does.

But I don't look at him in pity.

Only in...

_Devotion.  
_  
_Laughs_

Weird, eh?

We were so close, _TOO_ close to each other.

But I don't care.

_'I must heal what I have caused...'  
_  
I know he could feel my ever so sorry fro ever slapping him.

Oh well, he'll get over it anyways.

Oh god, I really wanted that slap to mean that I HATE him.

_LOATHE_ him.

Oh god, seriously!

_I want to HATE him.  
_  
To yell at him in those words we say to each other when we argue with hate.

But I still can't.

I like Tyson.

Very much.

_And I HATE myself for saying it!  
_  
I put my right hand on the cold grass, to try and make my hand freezing and icy.

Enough to wash over that hot searing pain I gave him.

As soon as I'm almost shivering from that coldness, I try to gulp out all the nervousness that entranced through me.

Slowly, I graze the hand that he had placed over the red mark away.

And placed my own cold hand in there.

Placed it right there, where I have NEVER in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE would think of touching.

But I still eased the pain in his cheek.

His cheek was hot, probably because of that pain I seared through him.

But they weren't soft or firm.

Kinda like...

_Comforting.  
_  
_Laughs nervously_

Stupid, huh?

I guess my hand was too cold because he shut his eyes tight for a couple of moments then opened them.

"Are you okay now, Tyson?" I asked him softly, trying not to break that endless silence in our background.

He didn't answer.

But I know he should be telling me to step off since 'he can take care of himself'.

_Laughs_

I'm healing him.

Healing the pain I had gave him...

He closes his eyes again and opened them.

And I was surprised by how he had gaze at me, a moment after he had opened them, with that strange look in his eyes.

They glimmered a bit, those blue eyes of his.

I try not to look so offended by how he had looked at me.

It's like he had never seen eyes like mine.

_Chuckle_

Well... since I've got a pretty ruby eyes.

It should fit me.

_Smiles_

This meeting will have to end.

I look at Tyson when gloomy eyes.

"I'm sorry, Tyson," I whispered to him and tried a smile.

He didn't move or made any action.

Maybe THE Tyson is just too gullible to figure things out.

_Laughs_

My hand was still on his cheek.

It's strange because I never wanted to take them off from his cheek.

But I had to take them away.

So I did.

His cheek was still red.

But it'll be gone sooner anyways.

But then this meeting will soon be nothing to him tomorrow.

Just like the time I ignored him when he wanted to thank me long ago.

The thought tore my heart.

I wanted to cry so bad like never again.

To sob my pain away.

Without thinking, I slowly placed my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

'There,' I thought.

I hope this is actually the ever meeting we had that he will remember in his whole life.

I just hope that it won't be too late.

Without warning, I sobbed loudly.

I could feel him, rigid and frozen.

Oh well, who would argue?

I could feel his heart.

And , man, they were beating so fast I don't think he could even do anything when my head was resting on his chest.

I sniffed silently.

He smelled nice.

To my own surprise, he placed a hand on my head.

_Now THAT I was NOT expecting.  
_  
But, it felt so good to actually have Tyson do something so nice to you for a change.

Rather than yelling at me why in the hell I'm putting my head on his chest.

With that one hand of kindness that he showed...

It's just too much for me.

_Too much.  
_  
I pulled away from him and stood up.

Ironically, we were staring at each other again.

"I'm sorry, Tyson," I told him.

'I'm sorry for ever putting my head on your chest.

Especially that slap I gave you.'

I smiled at him.

"You'll just have to figure it out yourself now..."

"_Wakarimasen_..."

I tried another cheery smile.

"That," I said really soft, hoping he'd figure what 'that' I meant. "If you take time to think you'll know... But since you aren't that kind of guy, you'll just have to wait..."

He just stared at me.

"Gomen nasai," I said, my final. "Sayounara, Tyson..."—and added—" _you slow baka_..."

With that, I tried not to cry again as I turn and left him.

Left him there, sitting alone.

Left him to think things over...

_Hoping he'll realize._

How long will it take for Tyson to figure things out?

In beyblading, it takes him like—hmm, let see—any seconds to figure out what strategy to use.

And he always, always wins.

_That Tyson...  
_  
But when it comes to something he doesn't expect, his brain slows down like a rundown computer only able to be a quick thinker at sports.

Damn that Tyson!

I slowly walked homewards, as slow as I can go, so that my mind can clear up what happened an hour ago.

_Oh, god.  
_  
_Did I just slap Tyson?  
_  
_Did I just do something while my thoughts were unconscious that Tyson doesn't expect me to do!  
_  
_Oh, dear god...  
_  
I hope what just happened is some goddamn dream!

I hope every second that I was with Tyson was just a stupid DREAM!

But...

_A damn GOOD dream might I add.  
_  
Yes, I hope it was all a dream.

A dream that I had always wanted it to come true.

And...

_Has it?  
_  
I shook my head hard as I gazed at the ground.

But it's all real.

Everything is...

_All real..._

* * *

_tbc_


	13. HER :: dreaming of you…

i don't own Beyblade

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

Every single second of this event that occurred...

_Real.  
_  
Because, what good is it to allow tears streak through your cheek while you're walking towards home?

What good is it if what I'm bawling over about is nothing more but a so-called dream I had wanted to come true?

And when it really did came true.

I shivered and hugged my arms.

It's a cold early morning, maybe two in the early.

I could see the bright light of the sun's tails far to my left where I walked up the riverbanks.

I sighed.

_Maybe I can still wait.  
_  
Maybe I shouldn't let Tyson figure things out so quick.

Even if it's been years since I've ever had feelings for Tyson.

Even if I know two years is so long, it's like two minutes of seeing Tyson and falling in love with him so quickly.

And making him know what you feel three minutes later.

_Chuckle_

Stupid, huh?

Yeah, sometimes that's me.

Anything that just wants to get out of me just gets out.

Even if it hurts them.

Oh well.

Life is harsh, life is unfair, life has its payment.

_It's like love, actually._

_Maybe even like hate.  
_  
They are given, showed, and cared...

But they can also be unreturned, unrequited, and not known...

But hate has its payment.

Like hate, love, too.

When you feel the power, the strong strong power...

You will have to pay it price.

It's funny.

If _'Love'_ is what _EVERY_one wants...

If _'Love'_ was what all the people, living things crave like never...

If _'Love'_ was the only thing they long...

Then why do they still want it when they know they will _ALWAYS_ get hurt?

_Be heart broken..._

_Be torn apart?_

Why won't they see that inside them, they know they'll get severely hurt but still sticks on to _'Love'_?

Why must everyone be so obsessive?

_So desperate?_

_So... wanting of this 'Love'?_

_Shakes_ head

I just don't know anymore.

Can't think anymore.

Could Tyson be feeling the same thing, as I was since his heart beat like crazier than mine had...?

No...

_Chuckle_

What a stupid idea...

Of _COURSE_ he doesn't like me.

With that yelling, spitting back at me, how can I miss it?

But he didn't push me away when I lunge onto his chest.

I had desperately needed someone to cheer me, make me feel better.

And it was only HIM that could make me feel any better.

The thought made me want to cry again.

...Only him.

_Why only him?  
_  
Why not someone else like--like Kai or Max or Rei?

I shook my head slowly.

No, they just don't do it.

They're not the Right One.

_HE_ is.

I hugged myself harder and lowered my eyes.

"No fair," I mutter. "No fair..."

I thought back to what happened few moments ago.

Yes, he didn't push me away.

I was expecting him to.

Who'll care anyways?

I'm already filled with sorrow.

It's good enough that the one I love just fills it even more...

But, he didn't push me away...

_Why?  
_  
Instead, he laid his hand on my head...

Bizarre...

Even I know that Tyson—TYSON—would never do that to me.

But I felt it.

Felt the fingers of his touch my hair.

Felt as if he was about to stroke my own hair with his...

I could still feel the tingling of the back of my head, even the hand I had touched him in the cheek.

They both tingled.

In happiness and fear.

_Sigh_

What would YOU do if you love someone MORE than anything in the world...

And you could never (ever _EVER_) have them?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone—wanted _him_—

They would never be there?

And what would I do if he left me...

Left me forever, and I never got a chance to tell him how I felt?

I can't bare it.

I have never realized it but...

I love Tyson.

_Laugh_...

Heehee...

_LOVE Tyson—LOVE him!  
_  
_AAAARRGH!  
_  
I stopped and closed my eyes, fighting tears yet once again.

"Oh, god," I whispered. "What have I done...?"

I went over to a large tree right beside the riverbank and sat, leaning against it.

I hugged my knees and buried my face on them.

I just thought I liked Tyson a lot and I mean a LOT.

I just thought that Tyson was okay and maybe I should have a secret huge crush on him...

But, now...

I have done something that I'll be sorry someday.

I have done something that I can never regret or take back.

_I have fallen in love with Tyson.  
_  
...

But not just this night.

But after I had seen Tyson battle against a Psychic beyblader member from the Biovolt where we were once stranded.

Ever since I have seen his courage, his bravery, and his loyalty, I had fallen.

Fallen for him.

Yes...

Head over heels.

And I never knew how much it hurts.

_Sigh_

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying SOMETHING and wishing you hadn't...

Or saying NOTHING AT ALL and...

Wishing you had?...

I can't stop my feelings now like I had before.

It's like my heart's suddenly being automatically drawn towards something about Tyson.

Like Tyson's the Right One.

Yes, if you ask me, Tyson is okay looking.

Okay-looking?

No, good-looking.

His eyes are blue and deep and goes along with his navy hair.

I guess the hat fits him very much.

But you can't argue with his attitude.

That lazy, dense, low, pig...

_Why can't he figure it out quickly?  
_  
"Tyson, you dumbass!" I whisper angrily. "Why do I even like a stupid jerk like you!"

I keep my voice down a bit because I am beside the same riverbank where Tyson is and I'm not that too far away from him.

I turn my head to look at that far away bridge and turn to look at the ground in front of me again.

I shivered.

Why can't I go home?

Why can't I stop thinking that I know Tyson doesn't feel the same way as me?

_Why am I so stupid!  
_  
I know that he'll think that slap I gave him was a sign that I hated him.

Really hated him.

But it isn't suppose to be.

It was suppose to be a sign to tell him that I love him.

That I have fallen in love with his stubborn heart.

But I had showed it wrong.

You don't slap someone to tell them that you love them, do you?

You don't yell at him calling him names then slapping him.

That's not _'Love'_.

I grip my fists and shut my eyes.

"Oh god," I whisper. "_I'm sorry, Tyson_."

But it's useless saying sorry to a thin air whereas I am a lone dust.

It's useless to talk to nothingness when you know it won't answer back.

The only answer it'll give you is a silent promise of whispers.

Whispers that said nothing.

I brush the hair that fell over my eyes and bowed my head, face in shadows.

I hug my knees tighter.

Is there no place for humiliations?

I sighed and brushed that stupid hair that fell over my cheeks again.

I wanted to go home.

I wanted to leave this place and sleep on my comfortable bed.

But my body was numb like ice and I could hardly feel myself shiver with iciness.

I released the hair that tucked behind my ears and let them fly loose over the side of my cheek.

_Warmth.  
_  
It reminded me of him.

I looked up at the night sky.

_'You were warm, Tyson..._

_I thought I'd never leave that chest of yours...'  
_  
A single tear flowed down my right cheek.

They felt like a frozen dagger's blade, stroking my cheek.

I wanted warmth.

I wanted defeat.

I wanted nothing but soak my frozen body over his arms.

Would he embrace me back if I did so?

_Chuckle_

No, no of course not.

I was too foolish to thinking that he likes me.

Too foolish to lunge myself into his chest.

Into his warm chest.

But that was defeat.

That was sympathy.

For ever hurting him so much.

For ever engraving that pain inside him.

And he will never forget it.

But he had almost held me back as much as I wanted to envelope my arms around him.

No, he couldn't.

Tyson would never even think of touching anyone with devotion, especially me.

The girl whom he had loved to argue with.

Tyson knows me as a bossy bitch.

He knows me as the loud mouth bitch.

He hates me.

No doubt.

"If you hate me, Tyson, why didn't you just push me away?...

Why didn't you just tell me to leave you alone and go bother someone else who cares?..."

I lean my head against the tree's body.

"Why don't you just tell that me that you hate me, loathe me."

I cried silently.

"_Just tell me that you hate me... just tell me..."_

_I'm walking down a road. A road that led nowhere. Surrounding the road was nothing but desert. I don't know how long I've been walking in this road but my legs are tired. Really tired. I blinked away dusts that entered my eyes and continued on to my destination._

_This is a dream, yes. But I really hope it isn't. Somehow, this strange silent made me feel comfortable and I am able to think freely. It's strange because the silence in reality is so disturbing yet this dream silence is so calming. I'm looking down the ground, hands clasping together behind me. I look really innocent. But I'm not._

_Where am I going I don't know. But I do know that I should be reaching the ends of this road. I scanned around me and watched the blurry sandy wind pass by._

_When I looked ahead, my stroll was over._

_There are two doors that planted the end of the road. One was white and one was black. I walked on ahead and chose the black one._

_I have no choice._

_Goodness, happiness, cheerfulness does not fit me anymore in that white door and this black door just sucked me in. I opened the door and stepped inside._

_A bottomless pit._

_I stepped inside a bottomless pit of darkness. I plummeted hard down the pit, unknown where I was going to fall or land. I wasn't yelling, or screaming. Instead, my face was calm and normal._

_I know this was going to happen, so why waste your breath?_

_I waited until I stopped falling. Waited for my fate. Waited for me to end. What am I thinking, you asked? Well, I'm thinking what my mind is thinking. Either what it thinks in this dream or what it thinks in reality. Either way, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters when you are down, broken, and gloomed._

_Nothing..._

_"...There's no reason in doing this, Hilary..."_

_A familiar voice echoed around the bottomless fall I crash down on. My blanked eyes snapped and I looked around._

_"...Everyone lives in lies and false..."_

_I bit my lips._

_"...There's no point in hiding things you want to get out..."_

_Tyson. It was Tyson's voice._

_"...There's no reason in doing this, Hilary..."_

_I tried not to cry. I gave strength to hug my arms and shut my eyes. Oh god, please don't let me wake up._

_"...Come back to me, Hilary..."_

_I try not to tremble._

_"... Open your eyes and come back to me..."_

_With those last words, my heart pounded hard and I stopped falling. I opened my eyes and looked ahead of me. I have made my decision. A decision I wasn't sure if I can take. I blink slowly._

_Yes, Tyson. I will come back._

_"I'll come back to you..."_

_A door appeared in front of me. A white door. I hesitated a bit and opened it._

_I stepped inside._

**  
**_  
"...Tyson..."_

_Everything was black but it wasn't any match to the figure that stood motionless in front of me. I was crying but he wasn't. Why was I crying? This dream is too fast for me. And I'm too slow for it._

_Tyson's face was calm but his blue eyes were glimmering. And it made me cry more. Without thinking, I started running. Running towards him. Running towards Tyson. He just stands there, motionless with those strange eyes. I ran faster and stopped right close in front of him. Where was I? What is this place?_

_And all I know is that I am dreaming. Still dreaming. All my dreams usually is all black. I stopped right in front of Tyson and stared at him. I was waiting for something but what was it? A sudden wind came through us, making my hair lunge forward whilst Tyson's flew backwards. But it's still hid his eyes, though. I stared at him with sad eyes._

_"T--Tyson...? I--I--I..."_

_I stopped and turn my gaze away from him. My right hand clutched my left elbow and my shoulder rose. And I know I was going to cry next._

_"I--I--..."_

_I gave up._

_"I'm hurt."_

_I'm hurt because of you. Because of me. Because of everything that's happened between us. I wanted to say that but I just said those two simple but difficult words. I turn my eyes to look at him, head still turned away._

_To my surprise, Tyson smiled. I tilted my head to gaze at him with apprehension. Tyson was smiling. A smile that tells me it showed kindness. My eyes widens a bit with this strange thing he has never given me for a long time. Worse of all my heart felt as if it would blow from beating so hard. I'm so hurt because of what happened in the past, Tyson. I'm so hurt because of the past..._

_To my extreme surprise, Tyson lifted my chin by a finger and smiled. I'm blushing like mad but I let him do whatever he wanted. I came back, Tyson. I came back. I closed my eyes. All I could do was let him whatever he wanted. He was the only boy I would ever let do whatever he wanted to me. He is the only boy I have surrendered to..._

_And his words echoed through my very rising heart._

_"Let me heal you then..."_

_Without any hesitation, the boy I loved for years moved forward and found my lips with his._

_He kissed me._

_I kissed him back._

I had fallen asleep.

I don't know how long but I know it wasn't that long or short since the cold stabs of the wind woke me now and then.

I blinked and opened my eyes.

I groaned when a slight twinge of pain came from my back.

I looked around and groaned again.

"_Shit_," I muttered and lay still.

I had been lying down sleeping.

But not in a comfortable.

And to think I slept with this position the whole night!

Oh crap, how the hell am I suppose to get up now when I have morning cramps?

I sighed and closed my eyes.

God, the grass was cold.

God, the air was icy.

But it was morning.

I yawned and stretched my arms.

Was I back to reality?

I try to sit up but failed again.

I gave up and waited until I could get my strength back.

For some weird reason, that cold wind seem to not mind me at all.

For some reason, I wasn't shivering.

I looked at my chest.

Something was covering my body.

With a sudden feel of strength, I sat up and looked at myself.

A sweater was placed over me.

"What...?"

I grabbed the sweater and stared at it.

"How did this..."

I gasped.

**FLASBACK  
**  
_..."DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU SLOW-BRAINED DENSE BAKA!"..._

_...**WHAAPP!**!_.

_...'..W--what did I do to you...?'..._

_..."You'll just have to figure it out yourself now..."..._

_..."Gomen nasai," I said, my final. "Sayounara, Tyson... you slow baka..."...  
_  
**END OF FLASHBACK**

What was this sweater doing here?

How did this get in...

I stopped thinking and closed my eyes.

Oh, god, I'm going to cry again.

Tears stroke my cheeks and I hugged the sweater.

Why did you do this, I asked him silently although he is not around.

Why did you let me live rather than let me die...?

How could you!

How could that stubborn bastard have the thoughts of doing something nice to me!

_No.  
_  
I love him and he doesn't love me back.

An unrequited love, I feel.

A love never returned.

_No.  
_  
I don't take pity from you, I said silently.

I don't want any worrying from you when I know you don't mean it.

or feel sorry for me but I don't want your sorry.

I never want any of your sympathy.

All I want is...

Your love.

A love maybe you'll return.

I opened my eyes.

Oh god, I wish I was living in a dream.

_That dream...  
_  
It looked so real, _felt_ so real.

His kiss was soft and warm.

A strange feeling for a dream.

Yet... I wanted more.

I crave to kiss Tyson.

To let him know how much I really love him.

To let him know that every bad things I've done to him were all false to distract myself.

To let him know that I never hated him.

Dislike him, no.

Hate him, never...

God, I wish I was just a girl in a dream.

I stared at the horizon.

The sun was already set and it was morning already.

But I was too preoccupied thinking about someone else rather than this pretty sunup.

I closed my eyes and hugged the sweater tightly against my heart.

_"...Tyson..."_


	14. HIM :: a visitor just for me

* * *

** UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

I woke up with my back aching madly and my cheeks making these funny tingles.

The whole place was crammed with such damn bright light that I couldn't tolerate to open my eyes.

I groaned, rubbing my forehead.

"Where am I?" I mumbled, dumbly.

The ground was hardly soft, and I know I'm lying on something.

But it wasn't dirt ground.

The ground was smooth.

And that's when I realized I was back at the dojo.

I slowly opened my eyes but quickly shut them close.

_"AAARGH!"_ I cried, covering my eyes. _"SOMEONE SHUT THAT DAMN SUNLIGHT OFF!"_

Groaning angrily, I tried to turn to my back but—seeing as how it hurt—it made a soft cracking noise.

I quickly gave up trying to do so and lay there motionless, eyes close, trying to ease my back.

The edges of my lips twitched as the up and down wave of small twinges of pain wracked through my left cheek.

_My God, it still hurts?_

Did that damn girl worked out or something 'cause I'd never felt such girl power.

_Laughs_

Girl power.

Yeah, right.

Without warning, a shadow loomed over my closed eyes.

I could feel it since the oh-so-damn brightness of the sun made my eyes see all red when it's close.

"Wakey, wakey, sleepy, sleepy," someone sang, sniggering.

I grumbled and tried to find my blanket.

Where the hell is it!

"_Ungh_," I murmured.

"Wha?" the voice asked.

My annoyance came to me.

"I said _GET OFF ME, MAX!_"

I heard Max chuckling.

Rei's voice came next.

"C'mon, sleepy ass," he said. "Wake up."

I growled and turn away from them, screaming and winching in pain.

"Do you know what time it is!" I cried.

"Do _YOU_ know what time it is?" Rei asked.

"Yeah," I grunted. "Time for you to let me sleep."

"Tyson, _get up_. Did you know how _long_ you slept?"

I opened one eye and tried to look at Rei.

But since I just turned away from them, all I saw was the dojo's roof.

"No," I muttered. "And I don't care. I'm sure I slept like a baby."

"Actually, no," Max chuckled. "You were groaning so loudly in pain all through your sleep. You kept me and Rei awake through the whole night and day!"

I laughed.

"That's good," I mumbled softly, going back to sleep. "Can I go to sleep now?"

"NO. We have to practice," Rei told me, then added, "and besides, you have a visitor."

I huffed angrily.

"Tell him to step off," I rumbled. "No one disturbs the all mighty Sleepyhead unless he awakens."

I just _LOVE_ to exaggerate and be sarcastic.

Sometimes, it makes me laugh.

Sometimes, others.

But, really, this time I don't feel like going in for games these guys always played when I'm sleeping.

Don't they know where I've been last night?

And who I was with?

I could still remember what happened last night, like it was a dream I'm having right now.

Even when I'm fully awake.

It's like a memory that I can't get out unless I understood what it meant.

But, who cares.

It'll be gone soon.

SOON.

_Like, RIGHT NOW?_

I groaned and touched my cheek.

Damn, that girl can slap hard!

I know she's a bossy cocky girl but I never knew she ever had muscles.

_Laughs_

Hilary didn't really look like a girl strong enough to fight for herself.

Well, she _CAN_ fight with words with that _BIG ASS_ mouth of hers.

No offense, though.

No offense.

_Chuckles_

Yeah... 'Big Ass Mouth'.

Eehee-hee.

"Tyson," Max interrupted my memorable thoughts of happiness.

"What?"

"We said you have a visitor," Rei told me.

I growled with defeat and turn to face the roof, as always, screaming and twitching from back pain.

"Can't you see I've got back problems right now to deal with a damn visitor?" I mumbled softly, but angry enough for them to hear.

"Aren't you going to see her?—"

"Yeah, yeah. Take a chill pill and just help me, will ya?" I growled and stretched my arms upward.

Rei and Max took one hand each and helped me sit up.

Sit up.

The price you get when you got the aching in the back.

And, _DAMN_, it hurts!

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, _shit!_"

I rubbed my back and arched them.

It felt better but I don't think I can last looking this way for more than two hours.

I rolled my eyes when I heard Rei and Max laughing their butt off.

"Whatever," I mumbled. "I was sleeping against a cement wall last night, okay?"

"We can so tell," Max wiped the tears off his eyes.

I try to ease my temper away.

I looked at them.

They looked back at me.

I raised my eyebrows crossly and made a face.

_"AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME STAND UP!"_

"Oh," Max chuckled. "_THAT'S_ what you meant."

"I thought you had a stroke," Rei laughed. "Seeing as how your face looked right now."

I growled and spat when they finished helping me stand up.

What loyal friends I have!

_Sarcasm_

_OooOo-wheeee_, give them awards for being such loyal friends.

OoOo-wheeEEeee...

But then I remembered what Rei had said.

"You said my visitor was a '_her'_?" I asked.

Rei nodded and that was all they could say.

"Well?" I began. "Who is it?"

Max put a hand behind his head and smiled.

Rei placed his hands on his hip and beamed a little.

I hate it when they do this.

It always meant that bad news were coming soon.

"Well?" I repeated, rolling my eyes. "_Who the hell's the visitor?"_

"It's Hilary."

It's Hilary...

**FLASHBACK**

_Why are you lying there, sleeping on the cold grass, Hilary?_

_Why are you trembling and shuddering?_

_Why can't you notice how freezing this hour of darkness is?_

_How icy the grass is?_

_How wet and repulsive it even feels under my shoes?_

_Why are you lying there, sleeping silently on the cold grass, Hilary?_

_Why are you trembling and shivering so, so badly?_

_Don't you see how bitter the dark autumn night is?_

_How cold the grasses are?_

_How chillingly moist and sordid it feels under my shoes?_

_Under your skin?_

_When I walk towards you, you're trembling harder than I thought_

_And I worry_

_I admit it_

_I worry_

_When I walked towards you I see the pain and broken life in your pale face_

_When I walked towards you, I could sense that you're truly troubled_

_That you needed help, you needed something_

_Needed someone..._

_But who am I to know?_

_I'm just a normal boy like you_

_Chuckle_

_Girl, I mean..._

_But who am I to see?_

_How lonely and sad when you aren't suppose to be_

_Why are you lying there, sleeping on the cold grass, Hilary?_

_Why are you trembling and quivering?_

_Why can't you notice how freezing this darkness is?_

_How icy the grass is?_

_How wet and disgusting it even feels under my shoes?_

_When I walk towards you, you're trembling harder than I thought_

_And I worry_

_I admit it_

_I worry_

_Here you go, Hilary_

_Are you happy now?_

_I hope my sweater is good enough_

_I hope it's good enough to keep you cozy_

_To keep you secured_

_But who am I to understand?_

_I'm just a boy who loves to argue with you_

_And who am I to even see?_

_That I'm not a person you think I am_

_When I walk towards you, you're trembling harder than I thought._

_And I worry_

_I admit it_

_I worry_

_I hear you mumble and frown your brows_

_I hear you shake your head real soft_

_And I hear you whispering..._

_Whispering my name_

_But who am I to understand?_

_I'm just a boy who loves to argue with you_

_And who am I to even see?_

_That I'm not a person you think I am_

_But I hear you whispering..._

_Whispering my name_

_I'm shocked and surprise and maybe confused_

_But even more so, I hear the hurt in your subtle voice_

_"I--I'm hurt..."_

_I try not to change what I'm feeling right now_

_But it's hard to get angry with you..._

_When you're pained and hurt_

_Is that a tear that slid down your cheek?_

_Or is that just a glisten from the moonlight's shine?_

_But I know it is a teardrop_

_As I brushed it away with my fingertips_

_Here you go, Hilary_

_Are you happy now?_

_I hope my sweater is good enough_

_I hope it's good enough to keep you warm_

_To keep you protected_

_I do nothing but sit and watch your pain_

_I do nothing but stare at your pale face_

_But who am I to understand?_

_I've never been in love_

_"Let me heal you then," I whispered, finally breaking my trance_

_I don't want to be what I'm not so I keep it cool_

_I wrap the sweater tightly around your body_

_Hoping you'd forget what I'd said, or even hear of it_

_Hoping that I would forget and had never said it_

_Why would I want to love a girl like you?_

_Why would my heart choose over something that's about you?_

_But, most of all..._

_Why can't I get this strange feeling off my chest?_

_What is happening to me now?_

_Here you go, Hilary_

_Are you happy now?_

_I hope my sweater is good enough_

_I hope it's good enough to keep you warm_

_To keep you out of harm's way_

_I'm sorry I just can't stand it_

_To sit right here staring at you..._

_So close to you_

_I'm sorry I can't bare it_

_To have these feelings arise_

_So I forget them quickly as I stood up_

_To take one last look at your pained pale face_

_So I turned around, walking away..._

_Forget this ever happened._

_Why are you lying there, sleeping on the cold grass, Hilary?_

_Why are you trembling and shaking?_

_Why can't you notice how freezing this hour of darkness is?_

_How icy the grass is?_

_How wet and disgusting it even feels under my shoes?_

_When I walk towards you, you're trembling harder than I thought_

_And I worry_

_I admit it_

_I worry_

_I do nothing but sit and watch your pain_

_I do nothing but stare at your pale face_

_But who am I to understand?_

_I've never been in love_

_Here you go, Hilary_

_Are you happy now?_

_I hope my sweater is good enough_

_I hope it's good enough to keep you warm_

_To keep you safe_

_But one thing for sure, Hilary and Me:_

_Forget this ever happened._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

I frowned.

"Who?"

Max frowned next.

"You know who," he said.

"I know," I told him, sounding serious now. "But Hilary? Visiting? Here? Coming here? Again?"

"Well," Rei waved his hands. "She wanted to see _YOU_."

I raise my eyebrows.

What could she possibly want now?

"'Cha asked what she want?" I asked.

"Yeah," Rei answered. "She said she had to give you back something."

_Here you go, Hilary_

_Are you happy now?_

_I hope my sweater is good enough_

_I hope it's good enough to keep you warm_

_To keep you safe_

"Oh."

I remembered now.

I forgot I lent her my sweater.

Forgetting the sudden pain in my back, I scooped over to pick up my hat and place it over my head.

"She wants to see me, eh?" I asked them, also myself.

"Yeah," Rei said again. "And she told me she wanted to tell you something, too."

"What is it?"

Rei and Max shrugged.

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the dojo room.

Like a vision, the memory last night popped in my head again.

_WHHAAP!_

God, even that sound in my memory made my cheek hurt!

I rubbed them hard and crane my neck, stretching as I walked towards the place I always see her.

What am I suppose to wait as Hilary told me?

Am I really _THAT_ slow?

Jeez, even I know I'm not as slow as a dumbass turtle.

But the memory last night seemed like two hours ago.

It came to me over and over until I stopped near the pond.

Hilary was sitting on a large rock, gazing down at the fish underneath.

She was sitting sideways, and it made it easier for me to see my sweater clutched on her lap.

Her head was lowered.

Her brown hair veiled her face but I could tell she still had that pale face I saw last night.

But...

_But was that _really_ Hilary sitting there?_

Was that really her on the rock, staring down the pond?

Was that really her, the brown haired… the brown haired…

The ruby-eyed girl that I befriended with two years ago?

Because the sunlight seem to radiate something around her face, her hair, her skin...

_Something…_

That made that strange feeling inside me aroused and stumbled.


	15. HER :: what have i done!

* * *

** UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

After I had come back home, my mother was furious at me.

She asked me where I had been.

I told her—or at least _lied_—that I was at Tyson's place.

"We wouldn't have been so worried if you'd just tell us you're at your boyfriend's place," my mother told me.

I flushed with a tiny anger but I never showed my temper.

" Okaasan," I mumbled. "_He's not my boyfriend_."

I rolled my eyes in case she acted suspicious.

She fell for it.

Everyone always does.

They've known me as what I am right now.

Outside, they've seen, known, and talked to me as self-satisfied, benevolent, and the type who burst out when no one expects it to happen.

Yeah, I guess I'm the typical girl they think I am.

But I couldn't help remembering that I'm still the dust in the air.

Being carried by the wind's armless body.

And I'm falling.

And inside, it hurts me to have them think I'm what they think I am.

Maybe that's why I'm a new me now.

Maybe that's why I'm making Tyson and his friends worry.

_Worry..._

_Chuckles_

Why would Tyson worry?

Especially when it's me we're talking about?

_Shakes head_

He'd never worry about me.

_Never. _

My mother shakes her head.

"Well, at least you've got some fine boys as your friends," she told me. "I hardly hear you going there anymore. What's wrong, Hiromi-san?"

I shook my head.

"Nothing's wrong, okaasan," I persisted. "They're just busy with their stupid beyblading game."

Again, my mother shook her head.

"Maybe you should try those games," she smiled. "I hear they're really good."

I laugh at that.

No _really_, I did.

I laughed so loud that I know my mother heard that high-pitched tone somewhere in the midst of my laughter.

She frowned.

I stopped quickly and looked at my feet, blushing.

"What's wrong with playing those games?" my mother asked. "I'd love to buy you those _blayblade thinga mobobbers_."

I laughed softly.

"_Beyblade_, mom," I corrected her. "It's _beyblade_. And besides, why would I want to learn those _stupid child's toys_ anyways?"

"Child's toy?" my mother looked at me curiously. "I think you're good enough to start learning them. Why how old is Tyson? Sixteen? You're the same age, Hiromi-san."

I sighed inside my heart.

"And you could asked that good boy Tyson to teach you, too," my mother added with a smile.

I looked at her.

Inside, I gazed at her like she was a crazy woman.

But her eyes were telling the truth.

She really _DOES_ want me to play that stupid game.

I wanted to answer her correctly.

But instead, the wrong thing came out.

"Now, what _idiotic moron_ would _want to play those game_?" I blurted. "_I, a girl, don't play those kinda things, _okaasan_. A girl?_"

But my mother looked like she was expecting me to say this.

"Well, I've seen girls play it," she answered. "Even _older_ than you."

I blushed and stared at my feet again.

"Whatever, mom," I murmured.

"I even heard that Tyson and his friends are the world's championship?"

I nodded.

"I even heard them telling me that you're their some kind of training coach?"

I nodded timidly.

Had I forgotten to tell her that?

I should swear I've told her last year...

"Why don't you go ask Tyson to teach you how to play?" my mother told me. "He _IS_ a good _blayblader_."

"_Beyblader_," I corrected once more. "And no. Tyson wouldn't want to teach me..."

My mother looked at me, eyebrows rising.

"Why not?"

"Because," I tried to think of a good lie. "Because he'll think I'm too old to start learning those idiotic games, being sixteen as I am. You know."

My mother rubbed her chin.

"I never thought about that," she said.

Inside, I smiled.

_Oh, okaasan, you're so gullible._

"Besides," I continued. "I don't like those games."

Even if I _DO_ ask Tyson, he'd say no.

I can imagine the look of his face inside my head right now when I ask him that.

A big giant beaming smirk.

He would cross his arms and laugh hideously.

"_Teach you?"_ he'd sneer. "_Isn't it a bit late to teach you how to play the game?"_

And I'd be there, standing, just staring at him.

Dumbfounded and hurt.

"I just want to know how to play it," I would've mumbled but he would interrupt by laughing even louder.

"_Whatever, Hilary_!" he'd chuckle. "_Teach you? You're not the type of girl that should be playing this game_."

And I would just stare at him, while he keeps on laughing like a jackass maniac.

"_Hilary? Hilary Tatibana? Play Beyblade? That's a laugh, Hilary. That's the best joke you've ever told me!_"

Inside, I would be broken.

_Shattered._

Even right now, standing in front of my mother, my heart seem to be pushed down by a heavy weight of tears.

My eyes glistened and watered.

I squint them away but I couldn't.

_Could Tyson really say that to me?_

_Could Tyson be that cruel to me?_

_Could Tyson really hate me that much?_

The thought was too unbearable to me that I run passed my mother and headed up the stairs.

"Hiromi-san! Where are you going?"

"Up my room!" I tried to sound formal but my voice shook a bit. "I'm tired! I need to _sleep_!"

I ran towards my bedroom and fell on my bed, weeping.

It was bright enough so I didn't turn the lights on.

But to me, it seemed like the whole world had gotten dark forever.

Like a dark large cloud had embedded itself, replacing my ceiling.

Like the floor had turned into fiery hell and everything seemed so icy cold.

I buried my face on my arms and buried my face deeper and hard onto the mattress.

Again, I tried not to scream.

But I did.

Only, I didn't scream with my mouth.

I screamed with my heart.

The scream came in my heart.

It burst like a door swung drastically open, letting it bang against the wall.

The harsh noise of the banging sound of the door against the wall was similar to the scream that burst out of my heart.

I gasped with air and let the spot where my face was deeply buried moistened with unbearable tears.

I imagined Tyson laughing at me again, like I'm the filthy dust he had stepped on.

The dust that dissolved by that step of hatred and humiliation.

I hate Tyson.

I hate Tyson.

_I hate Tyson._

I don't like Tyson.

I _never_ liked Tyson before.

I loathe Tyson.

I detest Tyson so, so much...

_I..._

I still love Tyson.

Oh, God, the thought made my heart pound like hammers against a hard steel.

The sound so excruciating, I don't think I could bear listening to it.

I clutched my chest and turn to my back.

I was hoping I'd see the thunderous black clouds that had replaced my ceiling.

I was hoping I'd see the black thunder streak its way down towards me, electrifying me with hurt.

But, no.

I saw nothing but a creamy white ceiling.

I saw nothing so dark and dreary but a bright looking ceiling that blinded my red puffy eyes.

_I hate it. _

I hate it when my mood was the opposite of everything else.

Outside my window, the sun had came and shone brightly in my room.

So brightly that it compared nothing to the brightness of the light bulb up the ceiling.

The color of everything in my room was too cheery for me.

My bed so bright, the carpet so bright, and the stuff animals so bright...

Even my clothing.

Even my...

I stopped thinking and looked at the thing that was hung over my reddish sweat top.

It was a red jacket, buttons opened and sleeves so large that my hands were unseen.

The hood was annoyingly bothering the back of my head and the bottom end reached all the way down below my hips.

_"What the?"_

I don't remember wearing anything like this large jacket before.

I don't even think I remember buying a jacket like this.

The only person I knew who wears this jacket was...

I gasped and quickly sat up, forgetting everything that had happened minutes ago.

_Tyson!_

_Why_ did I have his jacket?

_How_ in the heck did I have it?

And _what_ am I doing with it?

I would never in a million years would I ask Tyson to borrow this.

_Unless..._

**FLASHBACK**

_I had fallen asleep. _

_I don't know how long but I know it wasn't that long or short since the cold stabs of the wind woke me now and then._

_I blinked and opened my eyes. _

_I groaned when a slight twinge of pain came from my back._

_I looked around and groaned again._

_"Shit," I muttered and lay still._

_I had been lying down sleeping._

_But not in a comfortable. _

_And to think I slept with this position the whole night!_

_Oh crap, how the hell am I suppose to get up now when I have morning cramps?_

_I sighed and closed my eyes._

_God, the grass was cold._

_God, the air was icy._

_But it was morning._

_I yawned and stretched my arms._

_Was I back to reality?_

_I try to sit up but failed again._

_I gave up and waited until I could get my strength back. _

_For some weird reason, that cold wind seem to not mind me at all._

_For some reason, I wasn't shivering._

_I looked at my chest._

_Something was covering my body. _

_With a sudden feel of strength, I sat up and looked at myself._

_A sweater was placed over me. _

**END OF FLASHBACK**

And I remembered now.

I was sleeping under a tree.

Having the weirdest—yet the most _remarkable_—dream ever.

I have to admit, that was the only time I had ever dreamt about Tyson, I swear.

And it moved me for some reason.

I don't how quickly I fell asleep but when I woke up, I found this sweater over me.

When I decided to go back home, I wore it to keep me warm.

To my surprise, it _was_ really cozy and secure.

I place my hands—hidden inside the large sleeves—and pressed them gently against my right cheek.

I closed my eyes.

I couldn't go back to sleep and continue that dream.

Maybe the ending was enough to make me stronger.

Maybe the ending was enough to give me strength to fight my own emotions.

Because, I decided to give this jacket back to Tyson today.

I walked along the pathway that lead to the dojo.

I was almost there since I could see the place just the size of a dollhouse.

I kept the jacket huddled close to my chest.

I didn't have the courage to even wear it.

What if Tyson sees me with it?

I can't go yelling at him again.

It would hurt my heart and the New Hilary I've become.

I watched my shoes kick each pebble they came across with.

I sighed, my shoulders quickly rising up and down.

What am I suppose to say to Tyson?

_"Oh, hi, Tyson. I was just passing by 'cause I thought you dropped your jacket and it tumbled on me while I was sleeping on the ground last night. I'm sure you want it back--duh, of course you do. Here you go, BYE!" _?

That was all my stupid brain could think of.

My second option was to stutter like an idiot.

_Laughs_

I'd rather go with the first one.

Yeah.

I think I'll do the first one.

Besides, Tyson has never seen me make up shit or even stutter right in front of him.

He'll find out that I like him!

"First one, the first one, _the first one_," I reminded my brain over and over.

I reached the entrance and found Rei and Max practicing their beyblade.

As soon as I stepped inside the dojo entrance, Rei's head snapped up and saw me.

Sometimes I wonder how Rei could sense people's arrival, even as quiet as they are.

But I guess those weird gold eyes would be a reason.

Maybe those fangs too.

I always thought Rei was either a cat or a tiger.

I've seen his bit-beast thingy and it looked like a tiger to me.

I tried my best smile and came towards them.

"Hi, Rei," I turn to Max, "Hi, Max."

Before I had entered the dojo entrance, I quickly held the jacket behind me.

But, being forgetful, I forgot to fold it into a small square.

Rei grinned his toothy smile.

Max beamed and greeted me back.

"Where have you been, Hilary?" Max asked.

I blushed faintly.

I didn't want to tell them why I haven't gone to the dojo for weeks.

Maybe they'll find it out themselves someday.

Someday, though.

_Someday._

I chuckled nervously.

"You know," I answered. "Just... _here and there_. How are you guys?"

Rei shrugged.

"The same," he answered. "Practicing and stuff."

"And Kai?" I asked.

No one answered.

I frowned.

"And Kai?" I repeated. "Did anything happen to Kai?"

Max place a hand behind his head and stared up the sky.

"He left the city," he answered.

I raised my brows.

"Why? People-problem?"

"Kinda," Rei answered. "I'm not really sure but he left pretty quickly and he sure was good at making us all clueless."

"But I doubt he'll be in danger," Max added. "At least, he still didn't retire as our leader."

"He loves being the leader," I said. "didn't he?"

"No doubt," Max said.

Then he turned to look at me.

He noticed something behind me and then looked at me.

My heart pounded.

"U—um," I began, hoping that I wasn't sweating. "Have you seen Tyson?"

To my surprise, Rei chortled.

_"Tyson?"_ he smiled. "He's been asleep ever since he came to the dojo."

"What happened to him?"

"You should see him," Max laughed. "He was groaning in pain when he slept beside us last night. He kept me and Rei up the whole night."

"Was Tyson hurt?" I asked, trying not to sound worried.

_Too much anxiety can lead to revealing secrets._

I have to remind myself that often.

"Yeah," Max said. "He kept mumbling about back pains and cold nights. I don't really know why he would forget his jacket wherever he was last night."

I flushed but quickly hid it by staring at my feet.

"A—actually," I stammered. "I—I found it."

"How? Was Tyson stripping off somewhere Max and Rei laughed.

I laughed with them.

You gotta admit.

Rei and Max were great to be friends with.

"No," I smiled. "I found it on... _the ground_. You know. I was taking my midnight strolls when I found a red jacket lying beside a tree near the riverside."

"Well, it isn't likely for Tyson to forget to leave his jacket when it's like fifty below zero out there at night," Rei frowned.

I tried not to blush furiously.

"Anyways," I began. "Is Tyson here?"

"Sleeping," Rei answered. "Tyson's not a morning person."

I nodded with agreement.

It usually takes me twenty minutes to get the slug off the bed.

"No kidding," I agreed.

"We'll go wake him up for you," Rei told me.

I shook my head.

"No, no," I exclaimed. "Th—that's okay. I can go back some other times—"

"No, no," Max interrupted with a grin. "I think the sleepyhead needs to wake up right now. He's had enough sleep for today."

"Don't worry," Rei winked. "He won't scream in tantrum. Unless you kick him in the sides. Never _ever_ do that, I advise you."

I saw him rub the back of his head, as if he had just been punched in there.

I smiled.

"Okay," I answered. "Got it."

Rei and Max grabbed their beyblade and headed straight towards the dojo.

Until I interrupted them.

I don't know what I was thinking but it just came out of my mouth.

"_Can you tell him that I have something really important that he has to know?"_ I shouted.

They turn their heads and smiled at me.

_Oh, God. _

_What the hell do you think you're doing Hilary!_

_Do you want to die and go to Hell or something!_

I clutched the jacket to my chest.

I hear Max tell me something.

_"Wait by the pond!"_

"_Okay_," I screamed back.

I left the dojo entrance and headed straight to the pond, hoping I wouldn't wreck what the plan I never had planned would do.

"Remember the first choice, remember the first choice, remember the _first_ choice," I repeated over and over as I turned left, heading straight by the pond.

_Hilary, what have you done!_


	16. HER :: all i want…

i don't own Beyblade

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

The clear small body of the pond looked so beautiful.

There were tiny lilies beside gigantic lily pads.

There were the gold and silver fishes that swam underneath.

A few water grass stuck out of the surface and it made everything about this pond so striking.

So resplendent I felt like crying.

But I lowered my head to calm myself down, clutching the red jacket on my lap.

I rested on a boulder larger than the most rocks that encircled the pond.

It gave me a better view.

The sun's light reflected all around, towards me.

I was so caught up in trance staring at the pond that I wasn't aware of anyone arriving.

"Hilary?"

I broke my daze as I quickly tilted my head up.

I followed the voice to my right, digging the jacket deeper onto my lap.

I don't know, but was that really Tyson?

My eyes witnessed a different sight of him.

In the past years of trying to train this guy's ass, I was surprise at what I saw.

Usually, he whined like a baby and ate like a pig.

He had even looked kiddish himself when I argued with him, especially when his face turned purple.

I chuckled at the thought.

From the past few years that I trained his ass, he had looked nothing but a baby to me.

But now...

He looked...

Different.

Like he had changed dramatically.

And I mean _dramatically_.

His navy blue hair seemed to cover his face and that stupid hat of his was on.

His large yellow shirt was—_no kidding! —_almost the size of the huge red jacket I clutch on my lap.

His figure seemed...

Mature.

His fingerless dark blue gloved hands were on his back.

I guess he did have back pains.

But that look on his face was no different from the look on my face.

Had Tyson worked out of something?

I hardly see him without a jacket and seeing as I now did, he looked like he's got Rei's muscles.

_Chuckle_

I couldn't help staring at him.

But I don't think he'd stared at me more than I stared at him.

The emotion on our face was equally surprise and dumbfounded.

All we did was...

Stared!

For who knows how long!

Like I'm seeing a whole new Tyson while he's looking at a whole new Hilary.

There was nothing stopping us from gazing at each other.

There was nothing in the world that could make me stop looking at him.

There was nothing between us that could snap my thoughts about him.

Well...

Except Tyson, of course.

Our gaze snapped back to reality when he chuckled, placed a hand behind his head, and looked away.

As if this is some kind of joke.

But I noted the neurotic and timid tone in his chuckle and I hinted this as a first good sign of our conversation.

I guess Tyson isn't use to staring at girls—like me—for a long period of time—or seconds.

It made me feel sad, so a I turned and gazed at the pond's surface again, thinking hard.

Both my arms were wrapped around the jacket.

Everything was quiet, silent.

I watched those gold and silver fish twirl around in circle, as if looking for something.

Looking for a hint.

Searching for it real hard.

Ripples were created beside the green lily pads and their pink buds.

One fish bob its head out to catch this air I breathe.

Another fish came again.

And then another.

Soon afterward, the pond was calm and serene again.

I could see my rippling faint reflection below me.

I noted the sadness that divulged in my every face.

I noted the half-closed eyes, gloom yet dreaming while awake.

I noted the brown hair that fell over the face.

_Look at you_, I thought to myself.

You look so lonely and depressed...

Suddenly, a second reflection came beside me.

I saw the hat, the yellow shirt, the blue hair, the boy.

It was Tyson's reflection.

In the pond, he was sideways.

He was turned facing me.

And I'm scared to face him up this close.

So close...

So, so close.

I felt my shoulders tremble and soon I was shuddering.

I wish I could've brought a jacket for this autumn.

I wish I could've worn Tyson's jacket.

But what would he think?

I shut my eyes then opened them.

Without doubt, I slowly turn my head and stared at Tyson.

I was confused at the sudden flinch of surprise that came from him.

I was puzzled to see the glimmer in his eyes while he stared at mine.

What's wrong, Tyson?

Something in my eyes that's bothering you?

Do I have tears?

If I do…

I can't seem to…

Feel them.

Am I crying, Tyson?

Tell me.

Tell me the truth…

Don't worry, I'll look away then...

I turn to look away.

"Hey, Tyson" I greeted, still looking away, trying to fight the stammers that revolved in my heart.

"Wussup," Tyson said. "What brings you here?"

I took the courage left inside of me just to stare back up at him.

I smiled.

"Oh, nothing," I answered. "I just came by to say _'hi'_ and..."

He frowned.

I know a little bit about Tyson.

And I do know that he doesn't like to play mind games.

It kind of pisses him off.

But I took no care for I had been in worse arguments against him.

"That's it?" he asked. "You came just to say _'hi'_? If you want to—"

"And say I'm sorry," I interrupted, hating to see the way he always makes our conversation into a debate.

What is wrong with Tyson anyways?

Every time I try to make a chat with him, he ends it up by spitting something at me.

And I could do nothing but to argue back.

What is wrong with Tyson?

I watched his eyebrows rise.

"Sorry?" He asked. "For what?"

I shrugged.

"You know," I began. "About school and not visiting your grandpa's dojo too often. You know, I had to... to do something."

I know Tyson doesn't believe what I said in the end because he could hear the lies that bore in my tone of voice.

"_Whatever_," Tyson mumbles. "What really bring you here?"

I blushed and looked at my lap.

The jacket lay there, unwanted but wanted by me.

I face him and stood up.

How long had Tyson grown?

It looked as if he was three inches taller than I was.

Maybe more.

I held out the jacket.

"I just came by to give this back to you," I replied. "I—I thought you might've dropped it or something. I—I guess it fell on me, huh?"

It sounded stupid coming out of my mouth.

But that was the only thing I could tell him.

If I'd told him I thought he gave this to me last night because I was cold, he'll go _delirious_.

He took the jacket from my hands and clutched it to his side.

"I thought it was someone else's," I murmured.

"Then how'd you know it was mine?"

I flushed and looked at my feet.

"Because I always see you with that jacket," I answered softly. "I don't think I've seen anybody else wearing a similar one like yours."

"_Oh_," I heard the disappointment in his voice.

There was another pause of silence between us.

I frowned to myself.

Oh?

What, Tyson was expecting me to say something else?

Because it shocked me a little to hear disappointment in the tone of his voice.

That was all I could say.

Or at least what I wanted to tell him.

What am I supposed to say?

I couldn't think of anything else rather than ask him how in the hell I got this last night.

But I couldn't put it in words.

But at least I tried to sound sincere.

"Am I right?" I turn to look at him.

His eyes were out of space.

I saw the glimmer of his grayish blue eyes stare right through my own eyes.

I gawked at him a bit until he found the energy to dumbly snap back to reality.

"Huh, what, sorry?" he asked, blinking.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

"I asked if I was right," I exclaimed.

"Oh, the jacket?" Tyson said. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's mine."

I smiled at him, hoping he'd understand that I'm smiling because I knew it was his.

Before I could find the time to gaze at him, he had imprison my reveries as he turned around.

He found a large rock and sat on it.

I was a bit irritated at how rude this was but I concealed my temper.

_No, Hilary_, I told myself. _Don't start again._

I stayed where I was, three feet away from his right.

I gently clutched my hands behind me and gawked at the afternoon sky.

I heard a faint shout from the opposite side where we were, Max and Rei shouting _'Driger'_ and _'Draciel'_.

I recollected the first time I had ever seen the structures of Tyson, Rei, Max, and Kai's bit-beasts.

I could remember clearly the form of Tyson's, a pretty dragon form he called _Dragoon_.

I remembered Max's turtle-like Draciel, Rei's tiger-like Driger, and Kai's bird-like phoenix Dranzer.

It was like _two days_ ago that I'd seen their ghostly figures.

Instead of _two years_ ago.

I thought beyblades were the mere toys of a child.

Only played for fun and games.

But having to hang around Tyson and the others for so long, I've realized that their goal were as different as the immature beybladers out in the street.

Like they not only put fun in the game, but also add in winning.

Like winning's the only thing that would make them stronger.

But not just winning.

But fun and freewill.

The only person I thought was strong enough to beat Tyson was Ozuma.

But I realized that Tyson was stronger than he is.

I don't think I hardly saw Tyson lose in a serious battle.

Is it true?

That they pour their own soul into these childish kid's toy and actually be one of it?

I don't know.

Don't ask me anything about beyblade... or beyblading...

I'm not a blader.

Nor intend to be one.

But even if I do want to become one, I wouldn't get the chance to become as good as Tyson and the others is.

I was right.

It's too late.

I closed my eyes and sniffed the air.

Tyson's dojo was unruffled and serenity.

And it was the best place to think and even practice.

But I don't think I should be found in a place like this thinking.

Tyson would come fooling around my business and he'll make me yell at him again.

I don't know why but I think I really am the one starting these arguments with Tyson.

I just don't know it but it was really my fault that I make Tyson scream at me so many times.

If only I could tell him I'm sorry.

But it's been two years now and I don't think I've the courage to—

"Why are you really here?"

A voice I had forgotten that was here beside me broke off my contemplation.

My head automatically turned to look at Tyson, far to my right.

His voice was faint while my thoughts were in motion.

"_Huh_...?"

I watch Tyson put the jacket on.

"I asked you why you're really here," Tyson answered.

I looked at the pebbled grounds and grasped my hands tighter behind me.

There was a long breeze that interrupted my reply.

There were Rei and Max's calls somewhere in the opposite of Tyson and me.

When I didn't speak, I heard Tyson's feet, standing up.

"Listen," he told me. "I don't like playing mind games here, Hilary. If you want to tell me something just _spit it out_!"

Don't be so cruel to me, Tyson.

I haven't done anything so bad to you.

And I never intend to do anything that would make our friendship break…

I shut my eyes tight.

My heart throbbed faster as thoughts poured over every beat.

Just spit it out?

Would you like me to just spit out what I really want to tell you?

I want to tell you that having to hang around with you guys for such a long time, I found a new strength of respect.

I want to tell you that having to hang around you guys for a long time made me realize that my life isn't nothing but being perfect in school and telling people what to do.

I want to spit out that doing things to people just to make them like you--chuckle even love--isn't really what's worth it.

I realized that having to hang around with people like you who knows what life is really about has given me a chance to live life.

To love life.

To even try and love you…

But instead, I gave him the opposite remark.

"Remember last night?" I asked him.

Tyson hesitated.

"Yeah, what about it?"

I took a slow seat on the white pebbled ground and hugged my knees.

"Um, about the slapping thing," I said, chuckling softly.

Chuckling _nervously_.

"Oh _that_," Tyson muttered distinctly.

I sighed and remembered what happened that night, as I scan my eyes through the white pebbles, as if looking for something.

As if looking for a sign.

"_I'm sorry_," I whispered, loud enough for him to hear from a far. "I don't really know what I was thinking. And—and I don't know what came over me when... when I did that..."

_I don't know what came over me when I kneeled in front of you and touched your cheek._

_The cheek that I had wounded._

Without knowing it, something wet slashed through my cheeks.

I felt the wetness slid under my chin and falling on my knees.

When I discovered that it was tears that ached through my cheeks, I gasped and quickly wiped them away.

What are you doing, Hilary?

I shouldn't be crying in front Tyson.

Again.

Tyson hadn't said a word for five minutes and I was getting worried that my butt would hurt from these tiny little hard pebbles.

But I had to make this right.

Just to make this one moment right.

To get everything back to normal again.

"How's the practice without me?" I crossed my fingers for the right moment to come.

"Meh," I saw Tyson shrugged. "Same as always."

_Even without me?_ I wanted to add.

"Who ever you're playing against with," I began. "All of you better win."

I heard the surprised tone in his voice.

"Why?"

I grinned and my eyes glinted back alive.

The Old Hilary has awoken.

"Stupid, for two years of my _hard-ass_ training _why_ should you guys _lose_?"

My heart leaped to hear him chuckle.

"I guess," he said.

"Why shouldn't it be?"

Tyson sighed and waved two hands defensively.

"Well," he began. "I don't think we remembered what you taught us when you _'left'_ us for two weeks."

I frowned, but couldn't help myself smile.

"So?" I told him. "You guys should know what to do."

"Well, duh, we do," Tyson rolled his eyes. "_BUT_. It's'll easy training from now when we don't got you anymore..."

I shook my head exasperatedly.

Please keep this conversation like this!

"Whatever, Tyson Granger," I huffed. "Like I'll ever give up keeping you all in shape for the next beyblade battle thing!"

Tyson spat.

"_Why don't you how us, then?"_

I grinned.

"_Why don't I then?"_

"Then _go_."

"I _will_."

"_Then go!"_

_"I will!"_

"Then come back to us then if you're so confident."

Come back to us.

That seem to echo right straight to my brain.

Come back to them?

I would do anything just to come back to them.

To come back...

To Tyson.

"_If you would let me_," I whispered.

"If you would let me come back, I'd love to come back"—_come back to you…_

* * *

**tbc**


	17. HIM:: …why hilary?…

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

For a moment there, I thought Hilary had done something to her hair or something.

For a moment there, I thought she had done something to her hair, her face, her feature, and her eyes...

But I knew I was looking at her a different way.

Hilary was still the same Hilary.

Hilary will always be Hilary, whether bossy loud mouth or not.

She had surprised me in many ways.

Actually, she had surprised me three times already this past hour.

It's strange how I suddenly became an easy surprise getter by this girl.

This girl that changed.

Changed _drastically_.

Dramatically _changed_.

She seemed shorter than me.

Or have I grown that fast?

Her hair looked longer, reaching below her shoulders.

Her skin was as pale as always, though, but her eyes were startling.

Startling that it scared me a bit.

And surprised me as more as ever than I first saw them.

It was like two large bright rubies had been pierced right through the whatever eyes she had before.

Or—to make it better—two ruby eyes that can pierce right through you.

As it did to me.

Shivers

Man, that's _freaky_.

But not as freaky as what I said next.

"Then come back to us then if you're so confident."

It just came right out of my mouth and it almost left me speechless after that.

I mean, what had we talked about a few mometns ago?

I've already forgotten what the subject was about.

Well, yeah, I get this memory loss coming through me.

But what I said?

That's something this Tyson would never say to a girl.

But Hilary had said something though I didn't hear her.

But I didn't care.

She didn't need to answer that.

She didn't need to answer a question she hardly hears coming out of my mouth.

But she still answered.

"Do I look like I've given up on you guys already?"

I chuckled and stared at her, the girl on the ground.

"Why, have you or have you not?"

The girl hesitated.

She knew she thought she had.

She thinks I think she's already given up on us.

I could see the way she stared at the pebbles on the ground.

That I thought I had given up on her.

Well, have I?

What kind of a dumbass moron would ask her to come back to them?

Psh, I feel like an idiot right now.

But I shouldn't press hard unto my anger.

If I get angry again like I usually do around Hilary, I just might ruin this conversation.

This conversation that's strangely working out better than the last every conversations we have had for the past two years.

even though it started out like a drag.

And you know what?

I'm kind of liking it.

Well, at least it's better than the rest.

At least it's better than bitching at each other for a goddamn no good reason.

Yeah, I like this converstaion already, strange.

But I can tell you I'm not talking about me changing views about Hilary.

I mean,

Do I like her?

Do I like her, this girl?

Hilary?

Tyson liking someone?

Laughs

I mean, it isn't the first time I've actually had crushes but—

Love!

Talk about Love!

I wouldn't even GO that FAR!

I mean—_WHOA!_

Me!

Being in Love!

With this girl!

Laughs

I gawked at Hilary. 

"Are you staying or are you not?"

Hilary didn't look at me.

She was too busy being _'out of it'_ again.

God, does she have to be so _'out of it'_ every time we had conversations that revolve around thinking hard?

Duh, she can think but the way she does it makes me _so_ uncomfortable.

"Of course I'm staying," she finally answers me.

Then, she turned to look at me.

With those weird jewel eyes that made me recoil a little.

"Would you like me to go away instead?"

_Would you like me to go away?_

_Would I like her to go away?  
_

Hmm...

Well, I actually do.

But that's one side of me.

The other side?

Shrug

I shrugged.

"Do you want me to?" I asked her.

She frowns.

"You know you're making things complicated," she tells me.

Complicated?

Hell yeah it's already been complicated all the way through the beginning!

But instead, I said something more different.

"I guess."

I shoot her a skeptical look then place my hands behind my head.

"You should stay, I guess," I shrugged again.

What can I say anymore?

I do want her to stay because she's actually been helping us win.

Would I regret kicking her out of the team just because of some stupid incident she had done?

Yeah...

I think I would regret it.

And I'm not denying it.

I feel the presence of stupefaction far beside me, where the girl is.

Like I could hear her thinking:

'What did Tyson just say!'

"W—why would you want me to stay?" Hilary asked me.

I turned to look at her.

She was staring at me.

With those freaky jewel eyes of hers.

I try not to winched any harder.

But I've seen stranger ones before.

Yet, hers were different.

Not only did I heed her eyes.

I also heeded her reaction...

And there's this point where you've seen something from the past and it shoots back to you right this moment.

There's this point where you've already seen something and it happens again.

But when you really aren't sure, you forget about it.

And I forget about it.

Almost immediately.

But it would come back anyway.

I know it will.

"Because you're a good trainer," I told her, then added, "I guess.", to make things sound normal for both of us.

Hilary turned to look at the ground again.

"Oh," she said.

Oh.

Was that it?

That's all she could say!

A damn 'Oh'!

Growling inside, I shook my head.

"I should at least expect a better answer," I told her.

Hilary sighed and rested a chin on knees.

"Never mind," she responded. "But I'll be glad to accept and be your trainer again."

"I think I already know that," I told her.

"How would you know?"

"Because I know that you'll never leave us all here hanging when we need someone to keep our asses together and working like a sack of crap."

I was relieved to hear Hilary chuckle.

At least it wouldn't end badly again, this conversation.

"You're finally smart, Tyson," Hilary tells me.

I waved a hand defensively.

"_Finally?_" I questioned. "I'm _finally_ smart? Since _when_ have I become dumb and stupid?"

Hilary changes her poise, crossing her legs and intertwining her arms.

She stared at me with a face of satisfaction but frowning.

"Since forever," she answered. "Sometimes you can be _so_ stupid, Tyson Granger."

I grinned evilly at her.

"If you mean putting our life in mortal danger and putting us all half to death," I began. "Then you're right. That _is_ a stupid thing to do, huh?"

"Not as stupid as sleeping under a bridge at night without warm clothing," Hilary pointed out.

I gave her a raspberry.

"But not as stupid as wearing nothing but a freakin' skinny sweater and that really short skirt," I told her.

"SO?" Hilary said. "At least my eyes were open. Unlike yours."

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh please," I told her. "Like sleeping under a tree on those clothes last night be a smart-ass idea."

She stopped and looked at me.

"H--How did you know?" she asked skeptically. "That I was sleeping under that tree last night?"

I shook my head with disapproval.

"Why do you think I slipped my jacket over you, uh?" I said. "You were practically shivering to death."

I took a strange hint at a faint pinkish blot on her cheek.

"Why didn't you wake me then?" she asked.

I roll my eyes again.

"After that _slapping incident_ I don't think I got the time to hear your apologies about it," I answered.

"Oh."

Oh.

Man, how many times can she say this shit?

"I said I was sorry," she mumbled.

"And I said _that's okay_," I remarked. "Besides, it looked like you wanted to sleep there so I let you alone."

Hilary looked down.

"Did I say anything while… while I was sleeping?"

Say anything?

Why that two-word thing she had mumbled that night felt like a thousand words of apologies to me.

As if she was really, really sorry.

For everything.

I mean, what am I suppose to do?

Tell her she mumbled something stupid and almost embarrassing?

When it isn't stupid at all?

Well, maybe I should tell...

I looked at her with straight serious eyes.

"Yeah you did."

Hilary's facial features looked like she had just seen something so horrific I don't think she'll be able to return them back to normal.

I almost choked a laugh at that face.

Her eyes glimmered with anxiety but she looked at me.

"W—what is it?"

I gazed at her eyes too seriously while my eyes looked far by serious that I felt her fear.

She gazed back, as if about to die an immoral death.

"I think I heard you mumbling '_Damn, Tyson, I've made you the greatest beyblader these past two years by torturing your asses together!_"

I laughed.

Standing up like a bolt, Hilary pouted at me angrily.

"_Tyson_," she uttered. "It's _not_ funny! What did I say?"

"_'Tyson, you're the best friend I ever had'_?"

"Tyson!"

"_'Oh shit, I just broke a nail'_?"

"Tyson!"

"_'What the hell is that heavy weight pressing under my body?_' then you wake up to find my jacket?"

"Tell me the truth!"

"_'I love you, Tyson'_?"

I laughed when I saw her blush like mad.

I think she bought that one but denied it.

Chuckle

She marched up towards me and looked at me straight.

"TELL ME!"

"Uuh…_'why am I sleeping under this tree? I'm such a baka!'_?"

"TYSON!"

"_'I wonder what Tyson's doing right now, I'm so worried about him!'_?"

"TYSON!"

Laughing hard, I put my hands on her shoulders and motioned her backwards a bit so I could lean forward and look at her straight in the eye.

She reddened at this position but I took no heed.

"You wanna know what you mumbled?" I asked her solemnly.

Still blushing a little, Hilary nodded hesitantly.

I heaved my chest up and took a huge breath.

A deep huge breathe so I could really tell her what it is.

Still trying to make my face look simple and grave, I exhaled and let out the words.

I gave her a serious look then whispered "I forgot" and smiled wide.

I put a hand behind my head and laughed real hard.

Hilary made a funny face where her cheeks become balloon-like and her eyes are demonic.

"Tyson," she fussed. "Did I even say anything at all?"

"Of course you didn't," I told her instead. "I was just foolin' around wiccha."

Blushing like she was embarrassed, Hilary crossed her arms and glared at me.

And to admit, she didn't give me a look of real anger.

It was as if she was playing along with me.

And it made things look way, way better.

And thnak god this girl isn't so somber.

And to top it all off...

Suddenly, she smiles.

And I mean _smile_.

SMILE.

Strange…

It sent a strange twinge inside me.

Hilary hadn't smiled like this—a real one—ever since we had that fight weeks ago.

Maybe it's because I'm actually glad to see someone who's been sulking for a while brighten up the day and smile sincerely.

Maybe---

Whoa

Did I just say that?

Is it still Tyson speakign or osmeone else inside?

I smiled back.

"You know you should smile more," I told her.

Hilary reddened again.

"Why?.."

I grinned.

"Because you don't look all that pretty when your face is all wrinkled with sullen sorrow."

Growling, Hilary whacked me on the head.

"TYSON! You aren't helping!"

Patting my hat, I gave Hilary a raspberry.

"Aren't I truthful enough?" I batted eyes innocently, pretendign to be an innocent looking Hilary.

Hilary rolled her eyes.

"Yes," she exaggerated. "Truthful enough it almost hurts."

I grinned wickedly.

"But truthful enough, eh?"

Hilary stuck her tongue out and slowly turned around.

"Sometimes," she said.

I raised an eyebrow at her back.

"_Sometimes?_"

I watched her head towards the small pond.

She leaped on a large rock that encircled the pond and turned a head to look at me.

That pang inside me came again when she smiled.

"Sometimes," she answered.

She turned to look down at the pond, probably watching the fish underneath.

I don't know how long those fish had been there but they seemed older than grandpa.

I adjusted my hat and sat back down on the boulder behind me.

I crossed my arms and legs and went to deep thinking.

Who is Hilary?

Hilary is this bratty girl.

Hilary is this sometimes-kind-sometimes-bossy girl.

Hilary is this strange jewel eyed girl I befriended with.

She's the girl that got my half of my tired ass worked up.

And actually got me winning most of my beyblading games.

_Strange._

What is Hilary?

Hilary is this girl.

Hilary is this human girl.

A human, just like me.

Hilary is someone I actually call a…

Friend.

_Strange._

Why Hilary…?

I don't know.

Why Hilary?

Chuckle

Because this girl I couldn't stand years ago became a friend.

This girl I hated having to always hang around with me non-stop years ago became my friend.

_Bizarre._

Why befriend her?

Because she's actually an okay girl.

Weird…

So what is this _thing_ lurching inside me?

What is this _thing_ going right through me?

What is this _thing_ piercing me every time I see that strange familiar face Hilary had shot me few moments ago?

And this Love.

What _is_ Love?

Do I _love_ Hilary?

No…

I _can't_ really go that far.

I mean, I just can't _LOVE_ Hilary for a reason I don't understand.

I mean, I just can't _LOVE_ her.

I just can't_ give_ her these feelings I feel.

I can't love Hilary.

I mean…

Do I love her…?

Would I dare love this girl?

Chuckle

...Would I?

_  
_


	18. HER :: more than words can say

idon't own beyblade

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

Is it just me or is this conversation going well?

I mean, sure there was that time where Tyson got me almost pissed off by lying to me.

But the rest was doing quite well, actually.

It almost made me wanna tape this over so I could listen to it every time we hit into an argument again.

_Laugh_

Tyson can say the stupidest things sometimes.

Stupid, yes.

Yet, they baffle me.

In a way, though.

It's not like I'm going to believe every joke he tells me.

Psh, whatever.

I know Tyson and he's not the kind of boy who goes all serious about Love.

Hell, I don't even think he's got _time_ to fall in love.

As well as, falling in love with me—

I widened my eyes.

What am I thinking!

Tyson!

Falling in love!

With ME!

Tyson heard me laugh.

"What's so funny?"

Blushing, I ruffled on my skirts.

"Nothing," I mumbled. "Just thinking back some stuff."

Here we are, near the pond at the front yard of Tyson's grandpa's dojo.

And here we are, talking at the longest time we had ever talked without arguing.

But I know I'm not here because of hearing Tyson tell me jokes and watch him laugh at himself.

And that's when I've decided.

Decided what I was supposed to do.

Why I'm really here.

I wasn't sure before and I thought all I'd do is return his jacket.

But there was something more.

Something that wanted to get out.

And I'm here…

I'm here to tell him.

Tell him what it is he can't even figure out.

I have this feeling Max and Rei and Kenny already know it already.

But this _stupid_ doesn't!

Just how many reasons does it take to have this dumbass figure it out!

Two reasons?

Two million simple reasons!

I can't even put this decision in mere decision!

And how am I suppose to tell him?

It isn't simple, I can sure you all that.

This isn't just a simple story about a mere love story.

A sheer tale of possibility of love and hate.

This isn't some plain fable you hear and read in your very day life.

This isn't any stupid tale that you think will happened so clear.

_Chuckle_

No, no, my friend.

This is real.

_This_ is all _real_.

And _this_…

…Is my story.

Our story.

This is my complex story of my own heart.

My thoughts, my moves, my ways.

My life.

This is Tyson's way of telling me something I should've known.

Telling me something I can't even read nor understand.

It hurts me to think so badly, yet hurts me even more to think it too obvious.

There are so many things that's happening to people.

So many beautiful, happy things happening to them.

But…

_Why is _this_ happening to me?_

Why is everything so, too complicated for me?

Why does everything, everyone—_Tyson_—have to make this so hard?

Why can't it just happen to someone else?

But I deserve this.

I deserve to know how harsh life treats me.

And this should be it.

And my destiny is to tell him.

Tell him what I feel.

I should've told him before but he is too ruthless and hardheaded.

I should've told him before but I, too, contain emotions called _'Rejection'._

And I don't like it.

'Rejection'

Who ever made this dumb and painful emotion sure is heartless and despicable.

How could you reject someone you love so dearly?

How could you betray someone you've love all your life?

Even if you've only met him three years ago.

I gazed at the pond in trance and wondered something.

Something I had never forgotten.

"If you didn't really need me, why did you ask me to come back?"

Tyson didn't answer.

But he did, and it should be clear what his answer was.

"Isn't it obvious?" he answered. "You were a good trainer. And besides, when I'm pissed off, I say things I don't mean."

I lowered my head.

Say things I don't mean.

Does that mean that you've never meant anything you've spat on me?

Hilary watched a goldfish twirled in circle.

"Oh," I answered. "Well… that should be a good answer."

But _hoping_ for more.

_Laugh_

He's not like any boy, true.

He's self-centered, self-satisfied, self-seeking idiot boy.

He's an arrogant, stupid, and mean person.

Despite that, he is smart, courageous, wise, and kind boy.

He can be a joker sometimes, a clown, I mean.

I stood to look at him, standing on the boulder, gazing down at him.

He gazed back up at me and it made me so jumpy all of a sudden.

I opened my mouth but something made me shut them up.

_No Hilary_, it told me, _not yet…_

Today, yes, but not yet, not now.

If you want this to be a good discussion, let it flow for a while.

Then, when the time is right, acknowledge, Hilary.

Acknowledge therewith admit.

Therefore, I changed the subject.

"So," I began, smiling. "Still losing against Rei?"

Tyson laughed maniacally crossing his arms.

"_Lose?_" he mocked. "I don't _lose_ against Rei!"

I chuckled.

"_Right_," I rolled my eyes sarcastically. "Even if I try training you, I don't think you'd win against him even three times in a row."

Tyson rolled his eyes after and chuckled mockingly.

"I could, you know," he answered with a smirk. "You just don't train me hard enough."

"And I _will_," I told him, "train you till you drop."

"Well, hmm, let's see," Tyson looked around, giving a derisive grin. "I do remember falling on top of you when I needed food last year. And, you know what? I think we should train you, too."

I gawked at him.

"Don't you think I already do?"

"_Well_," Tyson began. "Not exactly. You tend to lay back and relax a lot, _Miss I-need-to-train-your-ass-till-death_."

I tried to look shock.

"I do not!"

"You do," Tyson smiled. "And besides, you couldn't even carry me when I fell on top of you last year."

"That's because we started training early in the morning," Hilary shot back. "I didn't eat anything either, for your information, Tyson Granger."

"I knew that," Tyson answered. "Even _I_ would've caught you if you fell."

I stuck my tongue out.

"I don't have boy skills," I told him. "I don't even play those toys!"

"Well, I saved your ass last time," Tyson grinned.

I blushed faintly but turned to look away, pretending to look angry yet not wanting to end this play we're doing.

He was right about everything.

But I wanted to deny it.

"_Whatever_," I placed my hands on my hips.

There was a short hesitation.

"You know," Tyson began. "I _have_ to admit something…"

I slowly turned to look at Tyson, who was still staring at me.

When I looked at his eyes I saw sincerity and I knew whatever he was going to say was true.

"What is it?"

Tyson smiled and crossed his arms again.

"This is the first time we've had a nice conversation," he smiled faintly. "The other ones are just plain thoughtless arguments."

I couldn't help but weakly blush, hoping he wouldn't see it.

So he's thinking the same…

"Aren't you glad?" I asked. "If you want, I could say something to break this good conversation."

"I don't mean _that_," Tyson rolled his eyes. "I actually like it, for a change. Since I don't always have to get my ears all hearing this ringing tone after you finish screaming whatever it is you're telling me. And like I ever listen to you, though," he added with a soft chuckle.

I heaved a sigh quickly and faked anger.

"Well, _excuse me_," I uttered. "It's not like—_hey!_ '_Whatever it is you're telling me_'? Are telling me that you _never_ listen to me!"

Smiling, Tyson shrugged and gradually walked away.

I stopped to jump off the boulder and ran after him, as he gradually just sauntered there, as if waiting for me.

"Tyson!' I yelled. "No fair! Stop!"

He stopped and turned around, hands in his pocket.

"Yes, ma'am?" he asked.

"Tyson!" I complained. "You self-centered person! Are you telling me that all these years of my lecturing and not a _single_ word has _ever_ gone right through that damn thick head of yours!"

Tyson smiled and, seeing as how close I am, place a hand on my head and ruffled my hair slowly.

"Not exactly," he smiled, still ruffling my chocolate brown hair.

My face puffy with anger, I glared at him and pouted.

"Then why put me through as your trainer!"

Chuckling, Tyson took his hand off my head and gently tapped the tip of my nose.

"You silly girl," he told me. "I said '_not exactly_'."

I made a face.

"Well," I began. "What actually _went_ through your thick head?"

Tyson made an expression of contemplating.

I waited.

Would he really remember?

After, he looked at me, smiled, and shrugged.

"Tyson!" I wailed. "Sometimes you're so useless!"

"Thank you," Tyson answered sarcastically. "I appreciate your kindness."

He took a seat on the outer porch that was rimmed around the dojo.

I walked to stand in front of him, hands still on my hips.

I looked pretty pissed off outside but inside I had hopes.

Maybe I would have a chance today.

To tell him.

But not right now.

I enjoyed complaining with him.

It distracts me from wanting to do something else.

When I looked at Tyson, his eyes were close.

I couldn't help but just stare at him and commend on his maturity.

He really _did_ change.

Drastically _and_ dramatically.

He's a new Tyson.

And when he opened his eyes, he gazed right back through mines.

He looked like he had been thinking before.

Thinking hard.

And I almost felt startled at how luminous his eyes were.

His eyes were a strange sparkling grayish blue, brighter than a big sapphire.

I don't think even a precious jewel could compare to his brilliant ones, though.

Nothing.

And when I gazed deeper into his eyes as he did to mine I know that the way his eyes had stared at me was completely different from any gaze his ever given me.

And his gape somehow told me something that I should know.

Something he also wants to tell me but don't really know it until he could understand it.

My own jewel eyes glimmered a bit, nervous at how much he's watching at mines.

My face turned tranquil but no not my jewel eyes.

I bit my lips.

He was staring at me in a weird way.

And this gaze he was offering me right now was enough to make my heart thud faster…


	19. HIM :: wind of change…

* * *

UNREQUITED LOVE...

* * *

A strange something shot me like a missile of arrows…

Something went right through me before I even knew it.

This bizarre feeling that made my heart thud like damned hell.

It was strange because this thing happened as soon I grasped a closer look at Hilary's appearance, eyes a little harder.

And _then_—

SMACK!

Just like a hand slapping on my cheeks a second time.

This time, the hand was of invisible and unseen.

Which made it hard to dodge away.

A thud of feelings was arousing through my very insides.

And it scared me a little.

What is this I'm feeling?

Are these suppose to be good feelings or not?

I sure don't feel good or awful.

Probably not _yet_.

'Cause right when I saw Hilary's eyes, I stopped dead to my thoughts and thought to look closer at them.

They were jewel ruby, yes.

And also shimmering like a mirror that I thought I could almost see myself.

Something Hilary's trying to tell me.

But what is it though?

Did she just show up here to hand my jacket back?

Or is it something… more?

When I saw how her eyes tossed in light specks, my heart just—_just!_—started beating faster.

I mean, what was going on?

Why do I suddenly feel queasy to my stomach yet I don't feel the pain?

Why do I feel lightheaded and dizzy yet I wasn't twirled around like some immature beyblade.

And why can't I get my eyes off Hilary?

And why can't she look away?

Baffled, I felt my face changed into startle and I suddenly snapped out of it.

Like I was in a complete trance, I blinked a couple of times and frowned a little.

"Tyson?" a voice came into my breath of life.

I almost jumped in surprise.

What was happening to me?

Why am I so jumpy all of a sudden?

I turned to look at Hilary.

"Yeah," I replied. "_What?_"

I saw a tint of redness on her cheeks and I became a bit curious.

She seemed as nervous as she had been.

But…

I quickly studied her new features.

Was that _Hilary_?

Was that her voice that did something to my heart?

What did she do?

What had she done to me?

I stopped.

Something is wrong with her.

Then again…

Something's wrong with _me_.

Am I looking at her with new aspect or is this just me?

Suddenly… I don't know anymore.

I just don't know anymore.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I don't know what the hell's wrong with me.

I don't know why the hell I'm so jumpy.

And, most of all, I don't know why every time I look at Hilary I feel something.

What had she done to me?

"Tyson?"

I look up and saw the girl, a face of confusion in her expression.

"What?" I asked calmly.

Hilary put her hands behind her and smiled.

"Do you wanna go see Rei and Max?" she asked. "I bet they're wondering why you aren't training with them."

She was right.

How long had we been in here doing pointless things?

How long had we been talking like _real people_?

I nodded and stood up.

Hilary followed me behind as I entered the dojo and exited on the other side.

Rei and Max were busy beyblading to see us enter behind them.

When Rei asked me if I wanted to play against him, I said no.

Somehow I couldn't find the time to practice when there's something that's bugging me.

Something I can't quite figure out.

Something quite not right about me.

Something that's having a hard time getting out of me.

But I'm Tyson, and I shouldn't be feeling these things.

With years of experiences with beyblade, somehow something's telling me that this is something I have never even bothered to notice.

With years of beyblading experiences, I realized that I've _never_ experienced this before.

Strange, huh?

Is this what I really think the most?

Beyblade?

I'm sure something's telling me that I should know this new sensual…

But I know now that I won't let it out.

If I do, something unthinkable would happen.

And I wouldn't want to end up getting hurt.

Or getting anyone hurt.

Especially Hilary.

Laughs

That's strange.

Why would I be so worried about Hilary getting hurt now?

Why am I afraid to have her wounded not just physically?

But emotionally, too?

Why is there a skip in the beats of my heart when I think about Hilary getting injured?

And what kind of an _injury_ am I really thinking about?

I mean, I shouldn't care.

I should never care about Hilary.

I shouldn't even be near her too much.

I shouldn't get carried away with what my inside wants to feel.

No matter what, I mustn't let Hilary inside me.

Or closer than we are as friends.

No, I can't.

I shouldn't.

I wouldn't…

But when I looked at Hilary watching Rei and Max beybattle, I realize how much it means for her to have us around.

The way she cheered us on at tournaments and championships.

The way she cheered me on when I was about to lose at that one particular battle where the Unrequited became alive.

Unrequited.

Where the Unrequited began…

The spark in her eyes, the energy she pours out inside her.

Told me that she really wants us to win.

Wants _me_ to win.

And that's where I became confused.

That certain beybattle had her shook up a bit.

Even me.

I mean, how was I to know that I was just gonna go towards her and hug her?

I was too happy that I won.

This guy ain't like anyone else I've battled.

Not even like Tala or Zeo.

He was somewhat powerful.

Powerful, yet he lost.

I _did_ thanked Hilary.

Or I was supposed to thank her.

But what she did to me gave me an inconceivable thought that I shouldn't have done what I did.

It was only a hug, _right?_

So why was she so worked up about it?

Did she need to act so _uptight_ about it?

When she just turned and left, I was surprised, offended.

But there was something inside me that hurt a bit.

But seeing as how I always am, I didn't care.

I'm great at scoffing.

And the only way I can hide things inside me is by sarcasm.

And it helped me get rid of these stupid emotions I have.

But there would be a time where it would come back.

A time where it would haunt me, tell me that I shouldn't have thrown it away heedlessly.

And it did.

It _did_ came back…

I decided to work my thoughts out when I settled to play against Rei.

I didn't want anyone to worry about me.

I don't want anyone to know what I'm feeling right now.

So I hid them once more within my sarcasm.

We lounge our beyblades out of our shooter and began to compete.

"Go Dragoon and Driger," Hilary cheered lowly yet with a bit enthusiastic.

When the Real Tyson came back inside me, I frowned at her.

"_Sshh_," I hushed Hilary with a little jest, "Can't you see we're in the beginning of a play here?"

Hilary stuck her tongue out and kept a watch at the beyblades.

"I still don't know why you guys play these games," she told them. "What's so fun about them?"

"It's whether you win or lose that doesn't count, really," Max answered her. "It's how fun you can have. It isn't just winning or losing. But when time comes, both are actually important."

So losing's _important_ now, eh?

"Whatever you say, Max," I told him. "But you know, losing's important, too."

"I know that," Rei responded. "That's why I'm not losing over this game."

My eyes went back to the game.

"Are you sure about that now, Rei?" I grinned. "It seems like my Dragoon's kicking your Driger's ass!"

Rei gave me a smirk and called out his Driger.

I called out my Dragoon few minutes after.

We fought at the edges of the large beyblade dome.

We fought off the dome and landed on the ground, smacking each other hard.

Our bit-beasts were connected inside us, so I could feel the impact of Dragoon's bruise in my own body.

So would Rei.

Behind me, Max and Hilary were busy talking to each other.

"If you play this game, I would've practiced with you," he smiled.

Hilary blushed and shrugged.

"Oh well," she answered. "Beyblade isn't my type of game. More like something I'd rather watch than do."

Like she could play it.

Hilary can be so cocky about Beyblades, I wonder why she was our trainer.

But I do have to admit that she was a good trainer.

An _okay_ trainer, not _great_, though.

The first time she wanted to be our trainer, I ignored her.

I thought that training paper she had written with Kenny for us were useless—_stupid_, I mean.

Until Kai tried them out.

Goes to show you that this girl isn't all what she seems, being the president of the class and a smart-ass, and bossy mouth.

Come to think of it, where had Kai gone off?

He had left us a note that he was going away for a while and would come back one day.

One day.

He wrote it like he'd never come back.

We were loyal friends to him.

Even _I_ tried to be loyal to him, that _meanie_.

Our battle ended up everywhere;

On the tree branches, on the roof of the dojo, on the lily pads from the pond, and back to the dome.

By the end, we realized that we were both equal and evenly lost the practice match.

Hilary nagged me for being so conservative, since it was only a practice I shouldn't waste all my energy competing against Rei.

Hell, I haven't even use _any_ of my energy yet!

But I told her it's just me.

"For two years," Hilary began when Rei and Max decided to go back inside the dojo. "I think I've figure out what Tyson Granger really is."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at her.

"Self-loving, self-esteemed, self-conservative, self-pride, self-respect, self-proclaimed, self… need I go on?"

I stuck my tongue at her, but I smiled inside.

So I'm all self-_stuff_ now, huh?

It was way past afternoon and evening was falling quickly.

The spring dusk was cold but it didn't stand against me.

Grandpa had called us for dinner.

Hilary happily said yes to his invitation for dinner.

But she had to glimpse at me a bit to see if it was okay.

I shrugged and let her.

What?

It's a free country!

No one needs to look at me to get my permission.

It's not my responsibility.

It's Hilary's own reliability.

But I couldn't quite help the fact that she stared at me with skepticism.

It bothered me a bit.

Years ago, I didn't like Hilary much.

You could say, I had a tight aversion towards her.

That I rejected the kindness and bossiness she had given me years ago.

I _was_ only fourteen, young and me.

But I rejected her being there with us.

With me.

I cast out the invisible kindness she had shot me.

I discarded everything about her, actually.

She had only shown me what was outside her disposition.

Her outer personalities were opposite to what was inside her complexion.

Outside, she was lordly, commanding, big-ass mouth, sometimes rude, and always in my life.

I've never really seen what lay inside her but that moment at the bridge not long ago was enough for me to guess.

The gateway to within her disposition was through her eyes.

They shot me, as I've mentioned, like an arrow of pain through my own.

When I look at them differently, I can't seem to get my gape off hers.

It was _hypnotizing_, I tell you.

She's mesmerizing me with her gaze.

But inside I knew it couldn't possibly be hypnosis.

It was like I _wanted_ to look back at her.

And it freaked me out a bit.

I felt different.

I felt distinct and diverted when I look at this girl.

When I stare back at the glimpses she's giving me.

And I always wonder if this would change what I am now.

To everything, I'm cool, I'm calm, and I'm cynical.

That should be what I am.

I prefer to keep my sarcastic position outside and what I really am inside.

It's what I am.

When dinner began, I acted as usual, pigging out the food.

"_Tyson!_" Hilary barked. "Slow down, _you_! Or else you're gonna choke!"

Boy, does this girl love yelling my name or what!

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"What do _you_ care," I muttered and kept eating quickly, shoving every gohan my chopsticks can get and every torinuku it can grab.

"_Many_," Hilary responded sharply, crossing her arms. "_If you gobble that rice of yours any quicker, you're gonna—_"

I choked.

I made a face and turned purple, waving my arms violently, smacking Rei and Grandpa off their seat beside me.

I made quick silent languages for water and Rei quickly grabbed a gigantic jug of water and handed it to me.

I immediately grabbed it and chugged it all down, sighing with relief.

"_See what I told you!_" Hilary snapped. "_This isn't just the first time, pig!_"

_What_ did she call me!

Okay, that's it!

I was about to jump on her when Max grabbed me by my arms.

I took a breath and let it out hard.

Right, I had to remember one thing.

_She's a girl_, I repeated over and over, _if she was a guy I'd've flattened her._

She's a girl, she's a girl, she's a girl…

"Dude, listen to your girlfriend," Grandpa chimed in. "She knows what's good for ya, cha hear?"

Before long, Rei joined Max and pinned me down on the floor, before I could turn my main target at grandpa, screaming like a manic and struggling out their asses on my back.

"_WE'RE NOT AN ITEM!"_

Hilary and I yelled it in unison, loud enough that there were a couple of birds flying away outside the dojo.

"_We're just friends_," Hilary told them calmly, starting on her gohan and tea. "Just _eat_, everyone. Now, you wouldn't want to eat a cold torinuku, don't you?"

That shut us all up.

Even me.

We all went back to dinner, talking casually now about what happened today.

When I turned to look at Hilary, who sat beside Max whom sat in front of me, her cheeks her faintly glowing.

It was hard not to keep a blush hidden with that bleached face of hers.

She was looking down at her gohan, making it hard for me to see right through her eyes.

The fact that she told everyone that we were just friends, it was true, yes.

But the way she had said it was enough for me to notice what was wrong.

When she had said those words, she looked a bit… miserable.

It made me feel unusual also.

Something _is_ wrong with this girl.

Especially _me_.

And tonight, I have to find out about it.

Or else, tomorrow's too late.

I may be slow at finding things out but this time I need to know what it is tonight.

Or else.

Dinner ended quickly and as usual.

It was nighttime by the time I got step out of the dojo and into the front yard where the pond was.

Hilary was staying for a while.

For the past two years, I've also gotten used to having her hang around the dojo for a while.

And this would give me time to talk to her about what's her problem.

_What _is_ her problem?_

Did she have problems with _me_?

It was easy to tell 'cause we argued too much.

I was ordered many times by her and she was ignored many times by me.

That would count us as the best arguers in town.

But the last grating argue we had that had made Hilary changed into a different person occurred to me that that wasn't just any argument.

It meant something _more_ to her.

Arguments didn't really mean anything to me.

I tend to forget what we were yelling about.

When I stepped outside, I realized that I wasn't just the only person that wanted to get out of the dojo.

Hilary was sitting there, at the same spot I had seen her this morning.

Sitting, and looking down at the reflection of the crescent moon blurring on the surface of the pond.

She was trembling a bit, and I felt an urge to do something I can't seem to figure what.

"Hilary…" I said, but stopped.

Slowly, Hilary turned to look at me.

It was like she knew I'd be here.

Her face was of calm and something more.

She knew what I was going to ask her.

And by the look of that strange silverish glint in her ruby eyes tonight, she knew what I wanted to talk about.

She knew what I can't figure out.

And it occurred to me how clever she is sometimes.

Not smart, _clever—wise_.

If you know what I mean.

And there was something telling me inside.

Telling me how… brilliant she looked sitting under the moonlight.

Her whole feature seemed almost silver under the moonlight, even her jewel eyes.

But shadows crept through her face and showed a troubled looking Hilary.

She looked small to me, though she _is_ smaller than I am.

She was just there, sitting, staring at me with freaky ruby turned-to silver eyes.

It was strange.

Bizarre, actually.

How _beautiful_ she was under the luminescence of the moon.

What?

Me think she's _beautiful_?

My heart pounded a little but I shook this strange new feelings away.

"Yes?" she asked.

I took a step towards her surrounding.

It was like I can't bare taking a step any closer to her.

Like she's made a circle of her own territory.

And those who came upon to love her could only enter.

But I ask to myself;

Am I one of them?

Would I dare step into her region of affection and be one myself?

And then… I realized how much I've changed.

I realized how much I've changed the days where Hilary had made my heart thud quickly.

And it hurt me a bit.

Me? Tyson?

Why _me_, though?

Why did she pick me, instead the other million guys in the world?

Why did she turn her gaze into none other than me?

Why did she held my gaze on hers when she knows what I might do?

Why is she settling her heart on mine when she knows she could have it held by hundred others?

Why me?

I _will_ admit, I _do_ like Hilary.

There was a tiny hint where I thought I had a crush on her.

Where I thought I was _in love_ with her.

Chuckle, Laugh, Chortle

But when I thought I wrong…

I knew I was wrong to agree with my denials.

I thought I was _in love with this girl_.

Laughs

Before, I thought I _hated_ her so much.

I hated it when she was this annoying brat that wanted to ruin my everyday life.

I hated her…

Now I realize…

_How much I _love_ this girl._

This cocky, sometimes bitchy girl—no offense.

I knew my insults would soon turn into pity.

Would soon turn into sorrow and regret.

The wind of change danced practically all around us two.

It glided between me and entered my heart.

The wind of change has finally gotten me.

As it had already gotten Hilary.

Th wind of change slashed my Pretending Heart wide open and revealed what I should've felt inside.

Pain.

I suddenly feel pain.

I felt it when I looked at Hilary's own anguish.

Then, _regret_.

I felt regret of doing things I didn't really mean towards Hilary.

And it _merged_ with pain.

And at the end of the line, I knew I felt something called affection…

And I asked myself;

What is '_Love'_?

Before I didn't know what in hell '_Love'_ was supposed to be.

I thought it wasn't in my system.

I thought it never was.

I knew little about love for one and another.

All I wanted to know before was beyblading.

There are more tasks for me to realize what I really need to know right now.

And maybe I would know it a little more tonight.

I hated these feelings.

I hated the way the wind of change sliced opened my Pretending Heart and showed what really was inside.

But half of me told me that it _should_ be this way.

That there would be a way to cure it.

I just need help from someone.

It's strange how often you trust your thoughts instead of your heart.

Trusted your guts rather than what's inside.

One thing I know is that negativity is what makes it worse.

You always seem to think the different way of what the obvious subject is telling you.

Even though if everyone is saying the right thing, somewhere deep in your thoughts, you're saying no.

It's stupid, sometimes, yet, so…

Urging.

No one's perfect.

I don't think there ever was any one that is perfect.

Even if you never expect it.

Even if you never want to…

I looked at Hilary one more time, face emotionless.

With final thought, I stepped into her circle.

She knew she had drawn a circle of her area, the circle for that someone who loves her.

She looked at me with complete surprise.

I knew what she was thinking.

He took a step inside…

It was supposed to be dangerous stepping inside my ring but…

He stepped inside.

He's not wounded and he isn't hurt.

He took a step inside my heart…

Why?

Why Tyson?

Yes, _why_ Tyson? I thought to myself.

But I stood there motionless, staring at her startled ruby eyes.

Something wanted me to tell her something.

But I needed to know something else.

Something's that's bothering me so much.

"_Hilary_…"

I gazed back at hers, hoping that mine would enthrall hers instead of _I_ would be to hers.

My heart skipped a beat to see something glimmering at the bottom of her eyelid.

"Y—Yes, Tyson?"

"What_… what did you do to me?_"


	20. HER :: i know now…

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Chapter view: _LAAAAAAAAAAST CHAAAAAAPTER DOOOOOOOOONE!_

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LAST NOTE OF THE FIC: This is the first fiction that I have ever completed! I owe my completion to my reviewers! If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't have successfully finished this!

Well, I'll start with the complicated summery. Basically, this is the end. LOL. _DUUUH_. I really, really love you guys for reviewing this! I DO I DO I REALLY DO! Anyway! This last chapter is actually the irony of all the chapters. Well, actually, it's the irony of the first and second chapter. If you wonder _what the hell_ I'm talking about, please read this chapter! It made me depress because I know that this whole fiction is about my love life Except, there's no guy in my heart… at least I thought there was one particular person.

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PS: it's _long, too…_

**__**

RR PLEASE!

ENJOY LIKE ALWAYS!

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UNREQUITED LOVE...

¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤¨¤¤¨¤

I stared wide-eyed at the slightly shadowed figure.

He had an expression more likely as stunned as mine was.

My eyes glimmered with stupefaction, as his shimmered with utter surprise.

What did he do?

What has he done?

I looked at the boy with complete shock.

How was he able to proceed into my circle?

I made sure I placed obstacles in them.

But he's managed to get inside without even running through a single harsh impediment.

__

What is this?

Where and how did he get such power to diminish the obstacles like nothing into the palm of his hand?

How has self-esteemed Tyson capable of striding into my realm?

__

How did he do it?

Only those who are true to their feelings for me can only set foot in my heart…

And… and Tyson made it inside.

Something sparkled in my wide-struck eyes.

__

How did you get inside?

I thought you hated me…

I thought you didn't want me…

I grip my hands and try not to mourn.

But he asked me something.

Something I don't think I could answer.

Something that would take a while for the response to sink in.

"What…_What did you do to me?_"

__

What did I do to you?

What _did_ I do to him?

****

FLASHBACK

The air was currently humid. The sky was currently dim, for the afternoon was slowly fading away. The atmosphere was hot, the air cool, the sky calm, the clouds wild… but not as savage as the combat in the midst of the location where they often practiced near the shore.

Hilary gazed eagerly at the two Beyblades striking at one another. It seemed to her that each barbarous smack at one another was so brutal, both Beyblades should have been torn in pieces by now.

But, no, the Beyblades untimely collided each other like ten crazy bullets speeding through the main target: each other.

She flinched and recoiled back many times at the sounds of the two Beyblades rasping against each other, the awful sound of either victory or defeat unable to reach her soul.

Was Tyson winning? Or the other opponent?

She couldn't tell. Each blow seem to create a gigantic haze of sandy dust to cover as a vortex around the two fighting devices, never allowing anything or anyone in their way.

It was true. The closer they got to Hilary's surrounding, the more her feet seem to slid backward, her shoes sinking into the sandy ground.

She muffled a cry when the hazy sandy barrier of the battle scrape the skin of the arms she used to shield her face.

If she was any closer, she was sure that it would slit a bloody bruise on the spot. Hilary cried and stepped back, where her other friends were safely rooted fifteen feet away from the fight.

"If we don't stop this battle, the whole place is gonna be destroyed!" Hilary shouted over the smacking sounds.

But Rei, Max, Kai, Kenny… they weren't doing anything. They just stood there, watching the battle, with the face of abandoned and the feeling of uselessness.

"We can't," Kai muttered. "When a battle goes one like, there's a hundred percent chance that Tyson will never listen to a word we tell him."

Massive wind blew towards them, hazy sand obscuring their sight a little bit. Hilary smothered a frustrated growl.

How _could_ they! They leave Tyson in the worse condition ever! Just _look_ at him!

Tyson was bruised, not bloody, though, but bruised badly enough to look like he was bleeding. He and his opponent—name unknown and was never told—stood both opposite side within the barrier. The barrier, a tornado-like vortex, appeared to grow larger and stronger as the collision of both Beyblades slapped each other with hatred.

Compared to both of them, Tyson seemed to be the only one struggling not to fall back in severe plummet. The opponent just stood there, as still as Max and Rei and Kai and Kenny were, a grin smeared on his shadowed face.

The white and black Beyblades continued to play, as well as the enemy's shadowed eyes glimmered within the its shadow. Hilary watched as Tyson gripped his hat steadily on his head, trying to step closer to the game.

__

This isn't a game, she thought frantically; _this is a battle between life and death!_

"Tyson!" she whispered with fear.

How discouraged he looked. How perplex he seemed, knowing that he might lose. He had used Dragoon many times, yet his opponent never evens convene his own beast to appear and attack.

"_Don't lose!_" Hilary yelled over the hurricane noise.

If Tyson had heard her, he seemed to put aside her encouragement. She yelled for him to keep it strong, yelled for him to keep his mind in focus. But he wasn't listening.

The enemy had drunken him with the will to keep on fighting, intoxicated him to ignore everything but to win. Even if it meant sacrificing his life. How had he done it?

How had the adversary been able to befuddle Tyson with the power of winning? Tyson seemed to give in, and he had. Even the others were boiled in doing nothing else but watch. As if they could do nothing but let Tyson decide for his death and life.

Hilary stumbled on her rear and was weighed down as the barrier passed her existence. She gasped and clutched her throat with both hands, suffocating.

There was no air inside the vortex, only three beings unable to escape, as the other enjoyed the view of destruction.

Someone yelled but she couldn't hear it. She thought it had been Max but the voice was like a mumble, three miles screaming away from her.

She fumbled and stood up, trying to get the strength to hope for the better. Tyson saw her, and looked at her with absolute startle. He motioned his right leg forward and looked at her.

"_HILARY! GET OUT OF HERE!_" he yelled.

She slowly brushed the hair slapping on her eyes and cheeks and balanced up. When she made a move to get out of the maelstrom, the opponent's eyes targeted at her.

Hilary froze when she met the sinister eyes with her terrified ones. She couldn't move. He had appeared to stun her, making her strength to escape impair. Hilary shut her eyes.

"I_—I CAN'T!_"

****

END OF FLASHBACK

I stood up to where I was, on the large boulder.

I looked at Tyson below me with a face lifeless and dull.

__

Do I dare cry?

Do I dare say something that I would soon know would gloom the rest of my entire life?

I stared at the boy who gazed back at me, eyes still startled.

I dared not speak his name yet, for I know I would shed tears unwillingly.

__

Do I dare say a word?

Do I dare say something—_just_ the _tiniest_ bit of utterance?

And hope for the best that he wouldn't take it like a foolish boy he ought not to be?

But that look…

Tyson, that look…

Why are you staring at me like that?

__

Why is your face in stupefaction…

…Your eyes as startled as mine?

Why is it that your look is making my heart pound like hammers?

As if I'm believing that you actually realized what I feel…

…When you really don't?

Tyson blinked and shook his head a bit.

I couldn't move mine.

I just… stared at him like a statue.

Like I've got nothing else to do.

But to wait… for the best.

But that question…

That strange startling interrogate you shot me.

That question smacked me like an arrow through my aching heart.

"What did you do to me?"

How it hurts to tell you the answer…

Yet…

How I would love to reply it, to answer it with all my heart.

But I'm scared that I might say something he doesn't want to hear.

I'm scared that he wouldn't accept my love.

That he'll discard my devotion like an obsolete trash.

That he'll break my heart…

****

FLASHBACK

The massive barrier had engulfed her. It was painful. But she was able to stand up.

__

Is this what Tyson has to go through with all his Beyblade battles?

Hilary trembled with fear as she locked gazed with the unknown enemy. What was he staring at her for? She wanted to run to Tyson, to go behind his side. But she couldn't. The indestructible aura kept her from moving.

"_HILARY! GET OUTTA HERE! THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A GIRL LIKE YOU!_"

For a moment there, Hilary's mind snapped. But she had to remember that Tyson was right. She tried 6o withstand the power that froze her muscles. She stifled a cry and fell forward.

"You foolish girl," a nasty voice cut through her epidemic pain within her head.

Hilary fell on her face and groaned. She tried as quickly as she could to sit up, locking yet another gape between the stranger she now knew as the enemy did. Tyson still screamed at her.

"_HILARY! I SAID GET OUTTA HERE! DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE SITTING ON RIGHT NOW? ARE YOU TRYING TO DISTRACT ME OR SOMETHING? GET OUT AND LET ME WIN THIS FIGHT!_"

Usually, Hilary would oppose to him. But she knew too well that now was the time where Tyson was right at everything. She knew nothing of Beyblading, so why bother barge through on without any knowledge?

"_I—I TOLD YOU I CAN'T!_" she yelled back, falling on her knees.

The lack of oxygen, the wound the tornado-like barrier was giving her… they were too much. Oh, how she wished she had never even dared reached Tyson when she never knew the cost would worth so much. She clutched her throat and tried to stand up.

"You shouldn't have stepped here," the nasty voice cut off her attempt to try and step towards Tyson. "Now, you'll die with your weakling friend."

Tyson growled at his opponent and glanced at Hilary. What the _hell_ was she doing here! Doesn't she know he was in the middle of a fight?

"_DON'T HURT HER, YOU NASTY BASTARD! SHE'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS FIGHT, LET HER GO!_"

The stranger far in front of him smiled.

"Why should I not?" he asked merely, his half-shadowed lips grinning. "Do you not care for her? Anyone else? But to win this game?"

Tyson growled.

"Look at your beast," the stranger remarked. "It's gaining its weakness from your anxiety of someone else. Leave her alone and pay attention to the fight."

__

He's right. Tyson grasped his fists. _If I go and kick Hilary out of the fight, then I'll lose. I can't lose… if I do, someone might happen not to Dragoon… but me._

When he took another glimpse at the intruder, she was just staring at him, then at the two Beyblades fighting against each other. Probably a fight tills the end. This wasn't really the first beybattle Tyson had gone through, almost sacrificing himself and his power.

"Don't think of anything else, fool," the stranger continued. "You're making yourself weak. I'm already winning because of your foolish feebleness."

A voice came through his head.

__

Would you like to win? Would you like to defeat me once and for all so you can get back to relaxing, eating, and slacking off?

Tyson gazed motionless as the black Beyblade scraped Dragoon on the crest of its head. The white Beyblade toppled a bit, but it regained consciousness and spun wildly again.

__

Yes. I wanna win and get this thing over with.

__

Then, think of nothing else. Nothing else but me. But to win from me: the ultimate Beyblader of the Shadows. Focus on me… and…

Watch me win.

Tyson turned to glare at his rival, with anger and hatred. It was his voice alright, that bastard.

"Look, _buddy_," he snarled. "Nobody talks to me like I'm gonna lose some shit like this. I'm Tyson Granger, world's best Beyblader around."

Hilary frowned.

__

Don't suck it up, you stupid, she thought with frustrate.

****

END OF FLASHBACK

No.

__

I must.

I must say something.

I mustn't let silence take over me again and watch him leave me forever.

I mustn't keep my feeling hidden anymore, now that he is realizing it himself.

I clutched my heart with both hands and hung my head slowly, as it was hidden within the night's shadow.

"T—Tyson…"

Tyson must have been walking towards me, for I could hear the pebbles crunch and move.

But I hear the moving of the pebble stop.

As silence engulfed us both, I could hear his breathing…

Hear from afar.

But I could also hear my own heartbeat.

And I'm sure he could hear it, too.

There's no mistaking how loud it beat, louder than a jackhammer.

That was it then.

Silence.

Not one of us spoke after.

It seemed like a century when that silence came.

I was trembling, with cold and fear.

Fear of the inevitable.

Do I dare cry?

Why would I dare not, though?

But I don't want to keep this desiring tears inside of me.

It hurts.

I stammered suddenly and returned to sitting on the large boulder.

I don't know what to do.

I thought I did, but I'm clueless now.

I don't know what to do anymore…

When I looked at Tyson, he was still staring at me.

It made the beating of my heart pound crazily.

Like it would tear open my chest and jump out.

But he broke the utter stillness, thank goodness.

"Hilary? You… don't look yourself. Daijobu desu ka?"

I smile at him, to tell him that everything's alright.

But half of my smile told me I'm not.

That I want to tell him that I hurt.

I ache, and I feel pain right here…

__

…In my heart.

To my surprise… I shook my head, a smile still planted across my lips.

****

FLASHBACK

You want to win?

'Yes'

Are you sure about that?

'Yes.'

Then why doesn't it look like it? Why does it look like you're losing and I'm winning?

'…I don't know.'

Then forget about everything else and win it… or else, I will win it. You'll win it… won't you?

'No doubt I will.'

Then… why are you distracted?

Hilary reached to touch the side of her right temple with shaking fingers.

Who is making that sound? She thought skeptically.

She scanned her surrounding. There was nobody else but Tyson and Whoever in sight. And apparently, none of them seem to occupy the time to make chitchats against each other. Hilary brushed the hairs behind her ears and rubbed her throat.

It still hurt, and she could only inhale little air. But there was a voice… a voice that echoed all around her. A strange voice reverberating within the barrier.

__

'I'm not distracted.'

Yes you are.

'No, I'm not.'

Look at you. Look at yourself. Look at her.

To Hilary's surprise, she realized that the two voices were none but Tyson and his rival. She saw a glimpse of Tyson, turning to look at her then back to the corrival.

__

His eyes were blank, Hilary frowned.

__

She's in your way. She'll make you lose.

'I know…'

Then why not push her away and think of nothing else but win?

'I am.'

Are you sure? You don't seem like it.

Dragoon was quickly smacked down on the ground with a force of collision that could impact a tiny ocean wave to a tidal one. Tyson winced in pain.

Dragoon was near to giving up. But Tyson can't. He was too drown at the subtle voice that resonated all over his enclosing. He was too mesmerize to even realize that he was losing.

And Hilary could see it clearly. The look of exhaustion, wounded, and defeat was imprinted clearly as day in his eyes and face. His eyes gave no show of glimmer and he groaned as Dragoon sank in for more collisions.

__

What is Tyson doing! She thought frantically. _Why is he letting himself lose?_

"_TYSOOON!_" she screamed over the whirlwind's sound.

Tyson didn't move. He just gazed expressionlessly at whatever was in front of him.

"_WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" she kept on yelling. "KEEP YOUR MIND FOCUS ON DRAGOON, YOU DUMB BAKA!_"

It was no use. Generally, Tyson would've spat at her back for calling him a stupid baka. Hilary growled with rage.

****

END OF FLASHBACK

"Genki-desu, arigatou," I answered lightly.

Every word I spoke seem to create a mark inside of me.

It told me that those utterance weren't what I wanted to say.

What I wanted to hear from myself….

What I wanted to be heard.

But what was the use?

I can't tell him what I want to say anyway…

What's the use of that?

Tyson frowned at me.

I could see it, since I'm staring right back at him.

He's almost in his normal self.

Half of him is still confused.

Half of him just wants to get it over with.

But what do I tell him?

"You asked me what I did to you… right?"

Tyson didn't answer for a while.

There was another moment of silence but quick enough when he nodded slowly.

I smiled at him and looked at my lap.

"The thing is," I began airily. "I don't know either…"

"Well, that makes sense…" I heard him mutter.

I chuckled and stood up to where I was, this time on the ground.

"But I think I know," I said, closing my eyes.

Maybe I do.

Actually, I think I really do know what I did to Tyson.

Is should've have been that obvious but I didn't even realized it myself.

I _am_ stupid, she thought sadly to herself, I didn't even _realized_ before.

The moonlight shone down on us.

It must be midnight or something because the full moon was right above us.

The glistening stars forming into million glowing dots, some huge some tiny.

But the beauty never helped me.

The beauty of night, which I wanted so much to engulfed.

The splendor nightfall I wanted so much to blend in.

But I'm not too good enough for it.

It shines elegance and beautifies the world with dimness and silver luminescence.

I'm not compared enough for it, for I am not beautiful.

I am not pretty nor ugly.

I'm somewhat neither one of them.

Whoever says I'm pretty and smart are wrong.

I may do my homework, I may listen in class, I may look perfect…

But I'm not perfect.

I opened my eyes and smiled at Tyson once again.

__

… I know now what to tell him.

****

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****

NOTE: _HAHAHAHAA!_ Do you really think that this fiction would end at the twentieth chapter! When I said twenty-chapter fiction, I didn't really mean _twenty_-chapter fiction. The title didn't really talk about anything in this chapter but it WILL in the next and (HOPEFULLY) the last chapter. Sorry, everyone! **THIS IS A CLIFFY! **I'm not much on true romancey kind of fiction but I write fictions with similar kind of romance but a little different from what you want to think it to be.

****

2ND NOTE: REAL FINAL CHAPTER ON THE GO!

__

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****

HimitsuKokoro's Memoir:

Ok, this time, I've got nobody now. I've lost that last guy I thought was correct. It turned out that he was a player, chasing girls older than him. And you know what shocked me too? He's in this YFC group** raises hands up and says "_phrases to God"_** (_Yes_, I Love God!) I joined (people who are loyal to God) and I can't believe that he would join such thing and pursue women older than him.

I mean, sure he was HOT and NICE. I like guys with the looks and the attitude (Kind and generous) and I thought he was the right one, but he **WASN'T**. I'm now left alone and unwanted… only to fill my mind of unrequited memories.

Well, RR please.


	21. HER :: and… i fall into…

i don't own Beyblade

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE...**

* * *

**- Flashback -**

"_JERK, **FOOL**, BAKA, IDIOT, **ASS**! BAKA—_Y_OU **DUMBASS**, LISTEN TO ME!_"

After screeches and bellows of profanities, Hilary's throat gave in. She was tired and wearied. Her throat was near to its gorge and she would run out of air any minute.

Outside, she knew her friends were watching. She knew it, but couldn't see it. The barrier wall was beginning to look solid and oxygen was nowhere to be breathed.

Hilary inhaled deeper and faster. She needed to help Tyson. Max, Rei, Kenny, Kai... they were useless now. It was up to her to make it to Tyson and help him back to his normal mode. To help him win. She needed this win, somehow. She needed Tyson to win.

But it was less the fight she needed but more of the air coming less around her. Hilary groaned and swayed a bit.

_Tyson, wake up! Tyson, don't get distracted by him! Wake up, onegai! _

She couldn't tell if she was thinking this or saying out loud for her body became number and number. But she was capable to keep her consciousness alive.

_Baka, baka, baka! Stupid idiotic foolish ass! Wake up! Wake up... WAKE UP, JERK!_

Was Tyson being spellbind? Even Dragoon's harsh injury wasn't able to withdraw him from whatever it is making him expressionless.

But she could still hear voices.

_That girl..._

_She's distracting you. Why aren't you kicking her out of this fight? Why are you letting her get in the battle?_

Hilary's heart pounded. The voice was talking about her. And what was Tyson going to do now?

'_Girl...?'_

_Yes. There she is. Look at her. She's in your way of winning... and losing. _

Tyson turned to look at the girl, eyes blank and drowning in through the echoing inflection. Hilary gazed back at him, unsure of what to do.

_Why are you looking at me like that?_

It was as if her thoughts echoed around the barrier, and the two opponents heard her. Even Tyson must've since he kind of flinched a bit.

_Why are you looking at me like that, Tyson?_

Hilary widened her eyes. She gasped and turned to stare at Tyson's rival.

"_You!_" she croaked gasping with anger and shocked.

The stranger smirked.

"Hai?" he asked, a little too harmless.

Hilary clenched her fists and took a step forward.

"_You baka!_" she shouted. "You're the one that's causing Tyson to do this! You nasty, nasty jerk!"

The boy smiled and shrugged.

"I thought you were smart enough to figure that out sooner when you heard my mind," he merely stated.

Hilary growled.

"_Why you_..."

**- End of Flashback -**

The only thing I could do now was merely gaze at him, hoping this would last forever.

It would be enough for me to understand myself.

Enough for him to understand.

Enough time for me to gather up my courage to tell him what it is I really feel.

Why can't I just tell him right now?

Just - **snaps finger** - like that?

What did Tyson do to me that made so fidgety all of a sudden when it came to devote affections towards him?

What is it that makes me tongue-tied around Tyson when we do something that we would both cherish in our heart, secretly yet hoping for it to happen once more.

Sighing, I shook my head and gazed at my lap.

This is a mind game.

It'll turn out to be one, and I know Tyson doesn't like mind games.

It usually just pisses the hell out of his guts.

But...

This _is_ a mind game.

There's no fooling myself.

It's already been one from the beginning.

And I'm stuck here until I get this bizarre answer out of his body.

This damn mind games won't stop until we've had enough.

This stupid mind damn game we've been unknowingly playing from the beginning must stop soon.

And I'm getting tired of it.

Obviously, he's getting too worked up with this mime entertainment.

To him, it was just one of those ugly prank that played trick on him.

To him, it's just a joke.

But it isn't.

And for once, I don't _want_ it to be.

I don't want this to be a MIND game.

I don't want to waste an entire half of my life playing some FOOL'S game when all it might end up is Losing.

Worse: _nothing_...

The thought made me sad, but I can't show Tyson yet how weak I am.

He's known me as...

As someone I never was.

He knows me as this perfection-cocky-bitch.

He knows as this Bossy Loud Mouth.

He knows as someone I should never have been.

And I hate it.

I really, _really_ do.

"Uh... Hilary?"

I snap back to reality and looked at the boy in front of me.

The everyday-normal boy with everyday-normal eyes.

**-chuckle-**

Ask me why I don't think Tyson is normal, and I'll give you at least twenty reasons.

A good, and a bad.

What is there _good_ to say in him?

What is there _bad_ to say in him?

The answer?

It's simple:

_Many._

**- Flashback -**

It neared to die down, but it did not near to its end. She couldn't tell if they just started or were in the midway to ending. Her anger could not, would not try to go farther than the state she was already in. She felt anger and pain, all at the same time. She couldn't tell if it was the tornado-like barrier that had engulfed her and attempted to shred her skin and flesh or was it that some idiot she called a friend was allowing some stupid voice get the best of him.

Whether it was one of them or neither, the anger that rose to her soul did not stop rising. It slid like a hot snake, coated painfully in ember flames as it glided up through a tunnel of darkness, smearing the sensitive curves of walls with smudges of ashes.

Growling, she staggered towards him, towards the source of it all. Even power could not withstand the frustrations that embedded in her. She fought the strange telepathic ability that had kept her in one place and swung her legs forcefully, arms swinging with the movement.

_If he can't snap out of it... I'll have to do it myself. _

She turned to look what she could only see through the walls of sandy winds around her. The figures of what was suppose to be Kai, Rei, Max, and Kenny were none but solid blurred images, standing motionless, unable to do anything.

_And here I was, thinking myself but a trainer for them when I forgot that joining a group that loves to risk their own lives can mean that **I'm** a part of it. And to **think** I would nothing more but a normal girl! _

She snarled, clenching her fists. Within moments she had forgotten that there was hardly any air in this boundary. But she cared no less but to lecture him, that bastard, for letting some simple-minded stranger win against him.

"Tyson," she muttered, nearing to the boy. "Snap out of it, stupid!"

But as she neared enough to try and touch him, the blur of the stranger's beyblade slowed and set forth out a light bursting stop of it. It exploded towards her, sending her plummeting on her back, sending her further away from Tyson.

"Don't interfere, bitch," was the simple statement of the voice.

**- End of Flashback -**

How could _so_ many things from Tyson have an affect on me?

No, no, my friend.

It's not these many things.

It's none but _one_, one small, plain reason I had somehow fell head over heels in secrecy.

And that... is something I can't even explain to my self.

How can I?

I was blinded.

He blinded me.

How can I see him now that he's blinded me with both deception and torment?

How can I open my eyes and see to it that he will never blind me again when he's already crept behind me and place over gentle hands over of my eyes... concealing them.

And he asks me a question.

'_Guess who...?'_

And if I answer right, would he still let go?

Or would he reply with a chuckle and a _'nope. Sorry. That's the wrong person.'_?

How can I guess the right person when all I do is guess?

When all I do is tell things that aren't true?

When all I do is lie... and deceit?

"Hilary."

_His voice. _

It sends shivers down my spine.

Not shivers of fear.

Not shivers of confound.

But shivers of delight.

It lingers down to my spine, singing me a song I have never heard.

Singing a song I would want to hear again and again.

"Hilary."

_That voice. _

When I look at him, his eyes are confused.

_Those eyes. _

They make me happy, make me jump with joy.

But they can also make me sad, and heartbroken.

I don't know why I love it and hate it at the same time.

All I know is that I just _do_.

"_Hilary_."

The tone is forceful, as if he wants to get my attention.

When I blink and stare back at him, those strange blue eyes of his lose their glimmering confusion and begin to look like... they understand?

Oh_, I don't know_.

I can't read him, can't I?

Snapping back to reality once more, I look at the ground this time and answer.

"What?"

There was a pause.

Then a—

"What's the matter with you?"

I couldn't tell if he meant it in a rude way or in a caring way.

But, in any way, it offended me a little.

I shrugged, shake my head, and smile at my shoes.

Should I be offended?

Or should I get mad and yell at him?

I'm not sure.

I'm not so sure anymore.

"Do you want me to tell you?"

_You sound so desperate to know why the hell I'm acting like this. _

_Should I tell you?_

"Do you really want to know, Tyson?"

I look at him, to see a nod.

And if I tell him the truth what would he do?

If I tell him a lie what would he say?

How am I suppose to reveal these pent-up feelings when he wasn't ready to hear it yet?

Should I still tell him?

Should I lie?

Should I not?

I shut my eyes, confused.

My head hurts and I can't think.

All I hear is the word **_'GO'_** reverberating in my head.

And it tells me that I should escape from my prison and seize the day of my freedom.

Taking my time, I stepped back to take a seat on the boulder behind me.

I placed my hands to my lap and kept my gaze on the pebbled ground.

I smile faintly, unsure.

To my surprise, Tyson walks up to me and takes a seat beside on the same boulder.

He takes the same boulder as a seat, quietly waiting for my response.

And I feel dazed all of a sudden.

I feel as if I'm intoxicated by the closeness of his presence.

And if I just move my shoulders one tiny bit, I would be touching him.

He is _this_ close to me and it is making me nervous.

But it is also making me happy at the same time.

I just don't know why.

**- Flashback -**

"Don't interfere, _bitch_."

The statement was extremely crude and harsh, and it only made her anger arise faster. Hilary growled and quickly stood up, ignoring the searing pain the invisible weight was pulling her down.

"I... will... not—_not!_... have some... unknown jackass... beat those... I trained hard with!"

She ignored the remarked snarl coming from her enemy, and merely ran towards Tyson. She stopped in front of him, and grabbed a hold of his shoulders, fighting the urge not to slap his face hard.

"Tyson!" she gasped, catching breaths. "Wake up! _Snap out of it!_"

She shook him hard, enough that his hat fell off. His dull seemingly gray eyes shimmered a bit, but it reveled to blackness once more as she had seen it when his enemy was taking him over.

**- End of Flashback -**

I feel so dazed.

I look at him from the corner of my half-closed eyes, my head still gazing down my lap.

I try to fight the drive to sneak glances at him.

And to stifle back a giggle.

He looked so cute with arms crossed, bangs shielding his eyes, and especially that serious face of his.

It kind of makes him look like a little kid.

What can I say?

Tyson _does_ act like a kid.

I shook my shoulders to calm myself and let out a sigh.

"You know, if you just actually be patient I'll tell you."

Tyson rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh.

"You know, if you actually just _spit_ it out, I'll be patient."

He's complicated, stubborn.

Maybe that's why I liked him.

But it annoys me sometimes, to have him so.

I scowled to myself, maybe at him, but I hid it well under the shadows of my hair.

The night really is a great time to hide yourself from something and someone you don't want to be seen.

I still wish I were a night-creature.

That way I can hide from everyone.

Hide from him, when I want to and need to.

It's the best way to hide other things, as well.

Like feelings.

Feelings...

Emotions...

Emotions that's ready to come out.

That _wants_ to come out.

I can't force it back in.

It's already been cooped up inside me that it's so agitated to be felt and known...

I can't control it anymore.

And it wants to come out so badly; it's hurting my heart.

It's hurting me.

What am I supposed to do?

Surrender to it because I don't have the chance to hide it anymore?

To tell him since he's getting so suspicious?

**- laugh -**

It might sound that easy, but not to me.

They tell me how great I am.

They tell me how perfect I am.

They show respect to me, because sometimes I am willing to do what I can to help anyone.

They show me that they are kind to me, those who I am kind to.

They _say_...

They _see_...

They _listen_...

They **think**...

I clench my fist, gripping on the hem of my white short skirt that barely reached the midst of my pale thighs.

They...

"They _don't know_..."

**- flashback -**

She watched, dismayed, at the sight of his ever-so spirited being pushing away from his body. It provoked her to train this idiot's ass off after all these times and, now, he is ignoring it away.

And she will not have anyone making her docents look and act so useless by making some damn mind control at him just so that they can—

Snapping back to reality, Hilary gasped as realization shot her like a cold splash of water. Narrowing her eyes, she glared at Tyson, whom gazed right through her with blackening sight. She shook him as hard as she could, his cap falling off his head.

"_TYSON! WAKE UP! SNAP OUT OF IT!_"

She heard a growl of agony, as Dragoon was plunge down the ground by the other beyblade's bottom point. Dragoon fell hard on the impact, smashing unto the earth, causing the sands to severely move as the wild tides.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Hilary shouted over the windstorm.

Hillary scowled when Tyson barely even blinked. She was about to yell at him again when she felt continuous pain slapping her bare skin. Pausing to look below her, the inexplicable atmosphere within the barrier was erupting slashes of wind that playfully scraped her legs and arms as it could.

Wincing, Hilary turned to look back at Tyson, frowning.

"Tyson!" she whispered hoarsely. "_Tyson!_"

**- end of flashback -**


	22. HER :: …a ground unseen

**NOTE:** Sorry you guys, it's not the end. Like I mentioned, the last updation will be on Nov 14, later or sooner. I've just been trying out something that would help me remember what to write. And I think if I divide one chapter into half, I'll get the idea back in my head.

Criticism can be told in reviews if you want to or not. Please reconsider and don't flame me for doing this. I'm simply trying to remember.

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE**

* * *

I realize my mouth had worked, instead of my thoughts.

I quickly shut them, and glared at the pebbled ground.

I was not supposed to say that out loud.

I was supposed to _think_ that, not _say_ that.

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

But what I say, what I did, when I heaved a weary large sigh, did not affect Tyson.

He simply did not reply.

And when I stole a peek at him with the corners of my eyes, he is staring out what seems to be nothing.

He is staring at a distance, something I likely have rarely seen him do.

Usually, when he does that, it means his brain is actually working and he's thinking hard.

It makes me wonder why he can't keep it working in what you call 24/7.

But when I look at him through the angles of my eyes, he is still crossing his arms, which I still think is quite adorable.

I motioned to the sky.

How long will this silence last?

How long will it stay until it's damaged by pain?

How long do we—I have to keep pretending?

I am not perfect.

I am not kind.

I am not anything.

I'm like a robot, doing _anything_ to please people.

I try to be the best person I can.

I try to be the better human I am as now but...

It still led me nowhere.

Being a better character I attempt to be is... useless.

_Hopeless. _

I am _hopeless_, still.

I try to look hopeful to those I want to respect so much.

But they just push me away, and it hurts so much to have someone hate you for something you try so hard to accomplish.

And I am close...

To living into _nothing_.

"Why were you here, really?"

"To give you your jacket."

_Duh._

But he wasn't fooled.

"Sure it is. No, really. What made you do that?"

I fiddled on the hems of my skirt, unsure of what to say, of what to answer.

What made me do that?

I don't know.

I really don't know.

I thought I did.

But not I'm not so sure anymore, again.

A part of me wants to tell him real bad.

A part of me doesn't.

When I look at him, both of those feelings come to me.

And I can't decide what to do, what to choose.

I keep staring at my white skirt, now looking silvery at the moonlight.

"Aren't you gonna answer me?"

I bit my lip.

I fiddle don the hem of my skirts, pinching it and brushing my fingers on it.

If I didn't notice, I could have seen Tyson stare at what I'm doing.

If I'd've notice, I think my fiddling was getting a bit faster.

Blushing, I stopped and intertwined my fingers together on my lap instead.

"Well, you _did_ gave it to me," I mumbled.

"I thought you dropped it so I came by to give to you."

There was no other remark.

He didn't say a thing for the last couple of momentum.

When I looked at him, he was staring at the crescent moon above us.

Slowly, I turned to stare at the pebbled ground.

Maybe I shouldn't have came here.

Nothing good ever happens when I'm around Tyson.

Or when we're left alone.

Maybe I shouldn't have came here.

I should have just given the jacket to Rei and left then.

But, no.

I had to play stupid and stay here to tell him.

"That's not what I meant," Tyson broke the silence with his suddenly monotonous voice.

I didn't look at him.

If I do, I might know what he really meant.

"O—Oh... then what is it?"

I didn't want to find out.

"I'm asking you what happened."

_I didn't want to find out._

"I wanna know why the hell you're acting like this."

I shut my eyes.

"We all wanna know what happened to you, Hilary."

I didn't want to hear.

No, I don't _want_ to hear it.

"_Tell_ me. I'm not forcing you. I just wanna... know."

The last word was spoken so softly.

But I was suddenly blinded with frustration.

Gripping my hands together, slightly firm, I kept my eyes shut.

I was unexpectedly unseeing.

When I opened my eyes to look at him, he had been staring at me.

But what he saw in my face made him cringe.

I don't want to hear it!

I was sightless with tears.

I couldn't help it.

It just came out.

All I could do now was to keep what I want to really say to him inside.

Unfortunately, I couldn't.

"Do you really want to now?"

My voice was solid.

I don't know why, but now I'm angry.

Tyson scowled and grabbed me by my shoulders, shaking me a little hard.

"Yeah I wanna know," he growled.

"You've been bitchy ever since I met you and maybe even more bitchier. Now, all you are... are nothing!"

It's an impact.

It's a pretty hard thud to the ground.

It's an impact.

I see something, I see someone.

But now I don't.

I see something, I feel something.

But I didn't care.

All I did was let this strange substance flow out of my eyes.

These damned things that you do when you feel so sad.

When you feel angry.

When you feel alone.

When you feel _betrayed_.

"You wanna know?" I muttered loudly. "_You wanna know?_"

His face does not change.

I see merely this smirking, suddenly angry face.

But I don't see the shine.

I don't see the shimmer in his eyes.

For if I do, I'll break down even more and this anger will fade away quickly.

"Because. Because..."

_It's an impact. _

My voice is trembling.

_It's a huge impact. _

I must get the words out.

It's a hard fall from the black sky.

I have no support, no parachute.

I just keep falling.

Nobody is on the ground to catch me.

_Nobody..._

But I don't care.

"Stop caring then," I uttered, changing the subject.

"Stop _fucking_ caring then."

His facial expression changed.

His brows borrowed even more.

His lips turned straight.

But I feel confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

I laugh.

"Of course you don't," I mumbled.

_You're stupid, that's what. _

"Just stop caring about me! STOP IT!"

Tears streamed down my cheeks, falling on my cheeks.

_I HATE YOU!_

His grip on my shoulder loosens but he kept it there, as if for support.

"I—I cared."

I couldn't keep it in anymore.

It just needed to come out.

I just needed him to know what I had felt.

What I had _once_ felt now.

"I—I cared."

The smile on my lips shot him like a gun that he quickly removed his hands on my shoulders, as if I was poison.

"For you. _You_."

He was confused, I can tell.

The brows, the eyes, and the lips tells it all.

I don't think he was expecting this.

An _impact_.

This time, it was _he_ that felt it.

"W—What are you talking about?"

A smile couldn't help but creep up my face.

This guy...

This guy is...

_Stupid!_

"You never did understand do you?"

This time, he let go of me.

He stood on his feet and walked in front of me.

With a gaze like that, it was hard for me to not stare right back.

What happened?

His eyes...

They were so intense.

No...

They _are_ intense.

He was confused a moment before.

I could see the confusion glinting off his eyes.

Like he's got no clue what the hell I'm going to do to him soon.

**- chuckle -**

What am I going to do?

Even I don't know.

But when I look at his eyes right, I feel so weak.

The intensity, the hesitation.

They all made me weak.

And that's when I broke down.

That's when I just broke down...

And cried.

What can I do?

He was right.

He was so right.

"You—you're right... I am a fool."

I lifted my knees up to my chest and buried my face on them, sobbing.

"I—I'm sorry! I acted like a fool! I was so stupid that—that I just thought that I—that you..."

My shoulders shook.

My hair flew.

My body quivered.

My heart ached.

I don't want Tyson to see me like this.

I don't want him to see me so weak.

Even I'm used to having him see me as this tough bitch.

And now that I've finally broken down and wept in front of him, all courage wore off.

All powers faded away.

And I'm left with sympathy, with eyes that would stare at me with empathy.

Those are the emotions I hated seeing.

Those are the emotions I didn't want Tyson to use to me.

I hate having anyone see me cry.

Crying alone helps me conceal myself from others.

Crying alone helps me think things over.

And I wouldn't want to be seen crying in public, especially if it's Tyson that sees me.

I just want to be normal, like all people are.

That's why I act perfect in school.

That's why sometimes you have to be mean to others when it happens.

That's why you shouldn't be yourself too much because, to me, it makes things worse.

If you want to know the real me, I'll tell you.

I'm not perfect.

I'm not mean to everyone except those I should be hating.

I'm not trying to be myself sometimes.

Well, every time.

I never try to be myself.

It brings too much out of me.

I was halfway to falling down from my impact...

When suddenly...

I saw him.

I had my eyes closed, waiting to fall face down on the black ground.

But when I opened them, he was there.

As if he was waiting for me.

Why?

He was standing there... with arms stretched out above him.

Like...

He wants to catch me.

And in reality, I feel something warm touching my shoulder.

Warm I had never felt before.

But...

It wasn't enough.

"Hilary... don't..."

Gasping, I move my head up to gaze at him in shock.

What is this emotions I'm feeling?

What is this human emotions that's filling my heart so fast?

And why is my heart beating so quickly that it had before?

Am I feeling it again?

Am I feeling what I had felt for him again?

If I am...

Why?

My vision is blurred, fogged.

But I can see his figure, illuminated by the moonlight.

"Tyson," I murmured quietly.

Suddenly I smiled.

I give up.

There's no use hiding anymore.

There's no use pretending when it really hurts to feeling something you don't wanna feel.

"You know... I really like you."

And I said _like_...

Not '_liked'_

Smiling, I close my eyes tediously.

I will wait.

I will wait for his rejection.

It don't matter, at least he knows.

Even if it's all hatred towards this girl...

At least someone knows that I like him.

I will wait.

Because I have given up.

I have given in to this hungry feeling that needed more emotions.

But I know it won't be full when it knows the emotions it needed accept it to be swallowed.

Why me?

Why does it always have to be me?

And when I opened my eyes to look at him, I pursed my lips.

**flashback -**

_In this world, there's no such thing as losing. _

_In this world, you can only win. _

_If not win, be humiliated._

_Just so that the world can see how truly degrading you have become. _

_Don't you want to win?_

'_Hai_.'

_Don't you want to beat me?_

''_Course_.'

_Then what are you waiting for?_

_Defeat me, will you?_

_See how powerful you are to me._

_Let me see just how mighty this Tyson Granger is to the eyes of mine. _

_Defeat me._

_Defeat me. _

All she could see was blackness. As that she felt was nothing. All she did was blink and then it was as if she was transported into another place, yet still clutching unto Tyson's arms angrily. Looking to her left and right, she could detect the echoing voice coming alive once more. She could hear the sound of the one whom Tyson appeared to be sinking into.

_Why can't you defeat me?_

_Why?_

Hilary let Tyson go and turned around to face what lay ahead of her. Nothing. As if she was blind, hidden in the darkness, silver gray luminescence shooting down on her and Tyson's stance.

"Of course he'll defeat you," the angry threat came out as a gentle whisper. "Why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he!"

_You again. _

_Why do you manage to always hinder my way when it comes to my prevail?_

Hilary managed to laugh.

"You!" she questioned, tone still so low and hoarse. "Who said that _you're_ winning!"

_I do. _

"So you plan to win against cheating then?" Hilary glowered.

_Whoever said I was cheating?_

"Sure you are," Hilary pointed out. "You're trying to control Tyson's mind just to get Tyson to fall under your trap. Eh?"

There was a slight chuckle, then a sarcastic huff.

_So you're smart. _

_I must admit... you are a fairly good trainer. _

Hilary didn't say a thing. Instead, she placed her hands on her hips.

"So? What of it? Got a problem with that?"

_Hmm..._

_With an attitude like yours, no wonder your friends think you're a stupid bitch. _

Narrowing her eyes, Hilary curled her lips and scowled.

"_Damare!_" she yelled. "Stop playing cheat and let this game be fair, you coward!"

_Coward? _

_Me? _

_A coward?_

Hilary waited until the reverberating echo of laughter stopped, which seemed forever.

_I could tell you the same, fool. _

'_Cause I feel your fear. _

"Me scared?" she asked incredulously. "You gotta be kidding me!"

_Sure you are. _

_It doesn't take that many wise guys to hear that loud thud in your heart._

_It doesn't take a foolish old man to realize that you can't protect the one you love. _

"L—Love!" Hilary felt warm, not daring to find out if it was of the crimson tint of her face or that her surrounding seemed humid lately. Either way, she would rather die than know. "W—Wha—I—I—I don't—don't... love him! What sick mind would give you that idea!"

_It radiates all around you. _

_It's so obvious. _

_You love this fool. _

_Do you not?_

She couldn't hide the deepening flush creeping up her cheeks. Whether this is a lie or truth, she couldn't answer any of it. Such question was so out of her mind. Questions that tried to reveal what she thought she never felt.

Groaning angrily, Hilary crossed her arms, looking away to what was suppose to be a ground. Behind her, she felt Tyson's presence, still standing in a figurine state.

"How would _you_ know?" she muttered. "How would a low-life baka like _you_ know about that kind of feeling when all you do is deceive?"

_Many reasons, I may say so. _

"Right," Hilary rolled her eyes. "Like you know a lot."

There was a slight chuckle.

_You are interesting._

Then, from the blackness in front of her, a shadow appeared.

**- end of flashback -**

He...

He didn't accept it.

He—he didn't want it!

I feel it.

A knife darted through my heart, slicing what's still left.

But with all those pain and shattered heart, I still smiled.

And he cringes, moving his hand away again, like I'm still that venom he doesn't like.

"I'm sorry," I smiled, tears striding down my cheeks.

"I'm really sorry for saying that, Tyson."

* * *

(A/N: err... please review?) 


	23. HIM & HER :: i like you, tyson…

* * *

**UNREQUITED LOVE: **_Sequel Tally 1_

(please don't get bored!)

* * *

_I feel it. A knife darted through my heart, slicing what's still left. But with all those pain and shattered heart, I still smiled. And he cringes, moving his hand away again, like I'm still that venom he doesn't like. _

"_I'm sorry," I smiled, tears striding down my cheeks. "I'm really sorry for saying that, Tyson."_

**(Him)** –

Here I am, standing there, looking at her with this really stupid look on my face.

Well, it's not _really_ stupid.

Still... anyone would feel this stupid when you're looking at someone who just blurted out a secret they should've kept to themselves.

A secret they really aren't _supposed_ to have said a loud.

I mean... I was speechless.

I didn't know what to say.

And it's the first.

It's the first a girl had actually admitted that they like _me_.

Really, really _like_ me.

And...Hilary, too!

HI-LA-RY.

This cocky, bitchy, and always-complaining-about-me girl.

This girl that... that I thought _hated_ my guts.

This... this...

**Hilary**, for God's sake!

All I did was recoil away from her.

Like she was something I thought was disgusting.

I know it's a mean thing to mention but I can't help know it's quite true.

"I'm sorry, Tyson," she repeats.

"I'm really sorry."

She seemed to be regretting those words.

I guess she must've been thinking the same as what I had thought.

Well... she should've.

I couldn't do anything, or SAY anything.

I could only... _watch_ her.

What am I supposed to say?

What am I supposed to answer?

I can't tell her that I like her, too.

I mean...

That's just not me.

I... I...

I can't!

Even if I _do_ feel the same way—_I can't!_

I swore to myself that I would _never_ ever have this 'Love' crap invade my life.

I swore to myself that I wouldn't let a little friendship cross further than that.

I swore to myself that—

I will _never_ fall for Hilary...

But... what's happening now?

All these jumbled problems I couldn't answer a few days ago are coming back.

I can't do anything but let it get me.

And for the first time, I don't know what to do.

A just stare at her.

I could take a step back away from her.

I could walk away and leave her here.

Only that...

I couldn't seem to.

"Y—you... you—_what?_"

She removed her palms from her face to look up.

I wanted to see her face for the truth but now I regret ever wanting to.

Her teary eyes sliced me through and I felt frozen to my poise.

For a small, little, tiny confession, I can't clearly tell that she was taking this worse that I was.

Her body shivered, either from the night or something more.

Her shoulder shook up and down a little, and I guess she was sobbing a little bit.

I could step back if I want, walk away if I could.

I could just turn around and leave this trouble behind, forget this ever happened.

I could just forget she was here and forget she ever said that to me.

I would... I really, really would.

But the thing is, I couldn't.

I could only watch her and wait for anything else to happen, anything that isn't too drastic.

She didn't fully take her palms off her face.

She was able to slide them down below her chin so that her fingertips simply touched her chin.

I saw her lips quiver the slightest bit but I still caught the sight.

She was going to cry again...

-

**(Her)** –

Oh, god...

_What just happened?_

This wasn't what I was expecting!

I wasn't expecting this whole horror to come true like what my mind had imagined.

I wasn't meant to tell him what I felt right now.

No!

I wasn't planning right!

I wasn't supposed to tell him this soon!

I shiver a bit but it wasn't from the cold.

It was because I'm scared.

Tyson isn't saying anything to me so I'm guessing he was taking this as bad as I am.

When I open my eyes to look at him, he was beyond struck.

I start to move but my whole body began to freeze.

What... what do I do?

What do I do?

What do I say?

What do I think?

What... what do I feel?

"I'm sorry."

It repeats, rolling out of my tongue, rolling out of my shaky lips.

Instead of him walking away, I found myself surprise that he still hasn't left the spot he stood.

I guess he must want something clear before he leaves.

Whatever it was... he better be quick about it.

There isn't a time to be _dillydallying_ about things you thought were a good thing to do.

"Hilary, I... Hilary, I..."

"You what?" I demanded softly.

For some reason, I didn't want to hear it.

I didn't want to hear him say it.

No—no I don't!

When Tyson could open his mouth hesitantly, I opened mine first.

"Before you say anything, I just want to make clear of things first... is that okay, Tyson?"

It took an eternity before Tyson could give me a nod of approval.

I wasn't that quite relief.

It wasn't my fault I don't know what to tell him to make things clear.

What I want to tell him was that my feelings were mine.

That it wasn't anyone's suggestion.

They were all mine.

I want to tell him—_show_ him—how sorry I was for all the stupid things I did and told him long ago.

I want to tell him that even if he didn't agree to these feelings I'm feeling, it wasn't his fault.

Maybe then...

Maybe then...

"I'm sorry."

Although those words were the only things I could tell him, I know now that there were more.

If I open my mouth now, I could continue on about my speech.

And it was exactly what I want to do.

What I can do to make sure he doesn't say those ugly words to me.

"Hilary, there isn't anything to be—"

"There is—there _are_."

-

"The time I first met you? I didn't deny you were the most idiotic and laziest _moron_ I ever met.

Besides, I only bossed you around because you were so egotistical and you always seem to get your ways by stupidity while I got mine by being intelligent.

The time I thought you hated me because I only tried helping you and the others, I was sure you hated me more when you didn't do that training Kenny and I made.

What can I say? I'm always a positive girl.

But when I'm around you all...

When I'm around _you_, Tyson...

I always feel... _lost_."

-

**(Him)** –

"When I'm around you, Tyson... I always feel... lost."

_Lost?_

How can she be lost when she's around me?

How you be lost when someone knows you're there?

Sometimes, I couldn't understand Hilary.

Sometimes, I do.

It must be one of those friend-bond things.

Sometimes, I knew her.

Then again... sometimes, I don't.

Am I a pessimist?

The back of my head tells me I am because I'm refusing to do whatever it is that I want to do or say.

It took all my will to let my pessimistic subliminal self do whatever it wants.

Because my other half is unsure.

The part where I want to do something rather than run away from Hilary.

Something else... but what?

Still, my killjoy ego wins and all I can do was try and enjoy what little fun ride there is left in this moment.

"I don't understand. One minute you _hate_ me... the next, you... you... _you like me?_"

Both my feet stood on the same row, my arms loose to my sides.

My Prussian eyes stare at her intently, waiting for an answer, but the wind only replied by making the night air colder.

No.

This quietness really is irritating me.

But I would feel guilty to walk away from an unimportant subject.

"Answer me, Hilary. I don't understand..."

"_It's because you never do._"

I frowned when her voice reached the limit where she, too, was getting aggravated.

I pursed my lips.

I see I'm not the only one getting impatient.

"You never do, Tyson," Hilary repeated, "I don't think you ever will."

"If you just let me understand then I can," I objected, "there's no point trying to distant yourself so much nowadays."

"Says the one who does the same thing," the girl mumbled lowly.

I scowled.

"What?"

"I _said_," Hilary all at once spat, "that I wasn't the only one distancing myself."

"I wasn't 'separating' myself from others, if that's what you mean—"

"No," Hilary interrupted, "that wasn't what I meant."

She didn't say anymore, and I only got more confused.

My pessimistic mind sparked once again and I feel as if I really need to know what people think I don't know.

The more I looked at Hilary, the more something inside me wanted to do...

Wanted to say.

Only three words echoed in my head.

Three words that I wanted to tell her.

Three words that wanted to come out of my mouth.

Then again...

That wouldn't be my pessimistic self.

I was always so puzzled at things, letting my mind solve a problem by itself and not by others.

If I were to say those words, then... I'll understand.

"Why?"

I _will_ understand the problem.

"Why are you being this way, Hilary?"

But I can't.

"Why can't you at least tell me what's going on?"

If I say those words... then I won't be Tyson anymore.

"Why are you distancing yourself to me and our friendship?"

You might not understand it, but this Tyson isn't optimist.

"You aren't letting me understand, and that's what I don't understand."

I'm not a romanticist.

I gaze at Hilary with unresponsive eyes.

"You say I'm distancing myself—but just _look_ at yourself."

I can't be what any other typical boys can be.

I don't know why, but I just can't.

-

**(Her)** –

I did as he had told and regretted ever trying to obey it.

The smooth reflection of a flawed girl emerged on the pond behind me as I slowly looked over my shoulder to stare at what looked like myself.

I recoiled.

_No._

It...

It was—_It wasn't me!_

This weird looking girl isn't _me_!

It can't be!

I quickly look away and hide my face with my palms and buried them on my knees.

I didn't cry.

I just gasped.

"No," I whispered.

_No._

"No... this... this isn't what's suppose to happen," I mumbled to myself.

I never planned for this to happen.

I never ever did.

I only wanted to... try and understand myself—_me_.

I didn't mean for Tyson to start acting so suspicious.

I didn't mean him to dislike me even more than he already does.

I didn't mean for everyone to start getting questionable about me...

I...

"I'm sorry."

I wasn't just apologizing for what people have been thinking about me now.

I was apologizing for whatever I've made Tyson think of me.

All those time (in all those chapters...) that I've done, I never knew how it could affect my friends.

I never knew that it would cause a strange hole in our friendship.

Now that it had...

What do I do?

I kept my face buried on my knees until I heard footsteps coming closer towards me.

He touched my shoulder—I wasn't expecting that.

I recoiled away.

Why... why is Tyson...

"W—why are you still here?" I stammered, lifting my face a little to watch in surprise while Tyson took a seat on a smaller boulder beside me.

He let go of his hand on my shoulder and placed them on his knees, crouching low a little to look at a distance in front of him.

"I live here," was his visible response.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

_Well, duh. _

"I didn't... mean it that way," I murmured.

He didn't answer.

I wanted to see his expression but his face was covered underneath the shadows of his large bangs.

Instead, I propped my chin on both palms as my elbows rested on my knees.

"Why aren't you walking away?" I asked him.

I hope he'd give me a positive answer.

I've had too much negative responses for today and I needed some support.

Maybe Tyson can do that...

"I can't walk away when I sleep in this place."

I face-faulted.

Then again... maybe not.

I gave a sigh of defeat and closed my eyes.

Usually, when I get to anxious, I try cooking and eating what I made.

It didn't matter how awful or good my food tasted like.

Whatever it looks like or tasted, I eat them all.

It reminded me of what happened last month when I got so troubled about Tyson and my argument.

I obviously got sick for three days.

I always reminded myself that curry _and_ Mexican dressing does NOT go together when cooked.

The best part was when Tyson and the others skipped school and visited me.

It was a memory I couldn't forget.

I must have been daydreaming that I might've been silent for several minutes.

Because that then, when I opened my eyes, they widened with surprise but my chin didn't move from its spot on ms palms.

Tyson had managed to sneak and sit down crossed-legged on the pebbled earth less than three feet away from me.

I wasn't expecting him to do that too.

I gawked at him with a 'what the hell are you doing?' look in my cherry eyes.

-

**(Him)** –

I bit back a laugh when she gave me that look she always did every time I do something out of the blues.

But I had to make everything clear again.

Even if it meant trying to indulge Hilary into being a little contented.

I have to.

Just so that everything can be the way it was before.

I imitated her actions and propped my chin on one palm as my elbow settled on my right knee and leg.

That 'what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?' was still playing on her ruby eyes and I gave her a smirk.

"You know..." I began.

She mouthed a _what_, unable to bring out any voice out of her throat.

"You have a choice," I said.

That one eyebrow that had been raised pretty high on her forehead lowered down so that both of her brows made a small frown.

"We can have this so-called discussion tonight..." I began, "as adults... or as immature stubborn idiots."

Now that, Hilary found her voice.

Still, her chin never left their place.

"Wait a minute," she protested, "now look who's talking—"

"Okay, okay, okay," I scowled, "jeez. For someone who tries to be a _little_ smart, you sure find a way to put me back to being the idiot."

I knew she felt sorry then, so she didn't say anything.

"So... which one?"

Sarcasm reached her limits.

"I think I can decide that already, don't you?"

_Oh for..._

"Listen, smarty-pants," I spoke, "here I am trying to talk like an adult and you're still making things complicated."

I made a mental smile when Hilary's lips shot upwards a little.

It was better when we both weren't so dense and moody when we're talking.

After all... that would be the _rarest_ thing that could happen between us.

I had to mentally slap myself when a small memory of the past played in my head.

"All right," Hilary replied, "we can discuss this in a _normal_ adult way... right?"

That irked me a little.

"Well, excuse me," I rolled my eyes, "I can SO be a normal adult."

"If you want to, right?" Hilary suggested, "that is... if you can?"

I inhaled sharply and exhaled very loudly.

This girl is either trying to irritate me again or she's trying to play with me—which I SO don't appreciate.

"I'm trying to understand you, Hilary, do you get that?" I implied. "Why are you always trying to make things for me so difficult?"

It wasn't suppose to come out as a force, but my pessimistic ego couldn't help impel them out.

Hilary straightened her lips and gazed at me intently.

"Fine."

Her words were ground out through clench teeth behind a barely opened mouth.

All jokes were gone when I gave her an equal stare.

-

**(Her) –**

I am as immature and as stubborn as an idiot can get.

But what can I say?

My optimistic ego wants a rest and my mind wanted to be pessimist.

I could only hope that this would go well.

-

**(Him) –**

_God, I hope this'll go well. _

I don't even know why I suggested those things.

There's no point reminding ourselves that we aren't being immature right now.

We're just the simple sixteen-year-olds dealing through a rough time that one doesn't get at all.

And that person who feels a little confused, is me.

So I had to make it quick.

"If you want me to understand, could you at least spare me the lame details and get to the right point?"

Well _that_ question obviously wasn't the right thing to ask...

Her jaded face tells it all.

Is she ready to explode?

"That's the problem with you," she muttered.

I sighed.

Yep, she was ready.

"You can't even let me _try_ and get you to understand me properly—_that's_ what you can't understand!"

"Then what's to understand with you then! I can't even try and figure you out!"

"Do you even need to—_want_ to?"

"Do I look like I DON'T?"

"Admit it!" Hilary exclaimed, "you're TRYING to but you just aren't INTERESTED!"

"I _AM_, ALL RIGHT!"

"YOU AREN'T!"

New tears formed under her lids as they took a brisk stroll down her cheeks.

I cringed a little and wondered how in the hell did we start yelling so loud already.

I stopped myself from screaming again and sighed.

"Listen, Hilary. I just needed to know what's the problem."

She glared at me with daggers.

"Am I the problem?"

I relaxed a little to find that I was right since her glare softened and she made fists with her hands but still hadn't moved her chin the slightest bit.

"So... I am, right?"

She didn't answer.

A pretty great sign of 'yes'.

"Did I do anything wrong?"

I'm pretty sure that's another 'yes' considering that she didn't answer me still.

She closed her eyes and let the last teardrops fall off her cheek, down her palm and down her elbow to her skirt.

"Did I say anything wrong?"

Again, a 'yes'.

"Did I say anything really mean?"

Okay... that's another silent 'yes' then.

"Did I do anything, too, that's really mean?"

A 'yes'.

"Did I say something that made you act like this?"

'Yes'.

"Um... did I do anything that made you act like this?"

'Yes'.

"Then what did I do, Hilary?"

'Yes'—oh wait... she's not answering that one.

I don't think she wanted to answer that one so she isn't saying nothing...

Or...

She hadn't really answered a _single_ question I just asked.

"Look, Hilary," I started, getting a little annoyed, "if you think that—"

"You really don't get it, do you?"

I backed away a little at the sudden squabble.

Her tone was angry.

I don't get it... how did I piss her off?

"Here you are, trying OH SO **HARD** to—to _understand_ me but all you're trying to do is plainly putting stupid questions to just try and get me to answer them easily by just saying _yes_ or _no_."

She narrowed her eyes, no tin a furious way but to study me.

I could read her better if her lips weren't so much entirely covered behind her folded fingers.

"You're only making it more simpler to your case but really—it's not."

-

**(Her) –**

_I like you, Tyson, I really do. _

Can I tell him that again?

Would he understand it now if I say those words once more?

_I like you, Tyson... _

Will he understand me if I truly confess?

Will he truly know me better if I tell him what's the matter with me?

..._I really do._

-

**(Him) –**

When someone—_especially_ Hilary—says that things aren't looking the way they ought to be...

She is damn correct.

I want to understand her.

I _really_ do.

I mean, of course I like her but...

Why isn't she letting me understand?

Hilary's one of my friends.

She's one of those I trust the most as I do to the others.

She's one of those that really knows how to control me when I get insane and I'm not talking about being biological insane.

I really, really appreciate this girl.

But I'm always so far away now.

Our friendship's moving farther and I'm quite confused.

She told me that she likes me but I didn't answer.

She said I'm sorry but I didn't answer.

She says that I'm trying too hard to understand her and I didn't answer.

Then what the hell is left in there to try and understand a stupid thing?

It was then that she started telling me things in an angry voice and I can't yell at her in return.

"You want to know what's wrong with me?" Hilary started and slowly added, "EVERYTHING."

I frowned.

"Before, nothing was wrong. Then, all of a sudden, _everything's_ wrong! I want to understand myself, too, Tyson. And I want to understand you!"

I was taken by surprise.

I couldn't help but point to myself with wide eyes.

"Me?"

"Yeah, _you_," Hilary rolled her eyes, "how many years does it take through your thick head that I want to really know you, Tyson?"

_Quite a lot... actually..._

I didn't say anything.

"You want to know me... and I want to know you. But somehow, that seems too impossible to happen."

"No. It isn't," I objected quietly. "If I try to understa—"

"_That's_ what you can barely do."

"I can," I persisted, "but you just aren't letting me."

"Because _IT'S HARD TO!_"

That, I don't quite understand.

"Why not?"

Her hardened face softened and she looked at me with her full ruby eyes.

That would be one thing I wasn't expecting.

She looked like what she had looked like before she slapped me under the bridge.

But I didn't move away.

"Because..." she murmured gently, "because it's just hard to. I want to know you, Tyson. I know I've known you for two years or whatever but I didn't get to know you better."

I frowned a little.

"But you did. Didn't you?"

"No," Hilary shook her head, "I need to know the _real_ you."

I looked at her and my mind started to jumble.

I want to understand her...

I _really_ do.

But she had just said something that I don't know for sure myself that I _can_ do.

-

**(Her) –**

I fought the surprise look inside of me when Tyson's face contorted into something I couldn't read.

It was both readable and unreadable.

And whatever readable I can read... the emotions were mixed.

Had I said something that offended him?

I knew that this was impossible by the look in his eyes.

That Tyson will always be impossible.

_I like you Tyson..._

I regret it.

_I like you, Tyson. _

I regret whatever I have ever done.

-

**(Him) –**

"I'm sorry."

_There it is again. _

Those words were in the air again.

And I don't think I like those words.

I don't think I enjoy hearing those words anymore ever again.

And thankfully, I barely say them.

"I'm sorry, Tyson. I really am."

I looked at her.

"For what?"

For a moment Hilary said nothing.

I watched her as she pulled her position from her chin and placed her hands on her laps, clenching them.

She gave a small sigh and closed her eyes, thinking of something really hard.

I gave her her time because I knew that if I say something wrong she'll go ballistic and starts bitching at me.

I don't want that happening more than twice now tonight, don't I...

Then again, this silence would buy me more time to start thinking things myself.

Well...

Actually...

I would... if I had the slight chance.

Before I could even think or do anything, the sudden rush of hot breath came close to my face.

Slightly taken aback, I look up to see Hilary practically leaning towards me with a blank look on her face.

I couldn't move back.

How can I when her warm breathing was wrapping my muscles in one spot?

I opened my mouth to say the smartest thing my mind wanted to say.

"Uhh..."

Okay—well it's not that smart but it was the best I could say.

Likewise, her vacant façade also stopped me from saying anything humorous.

Before long, she gave me a soft smile and I was content enough that she couldn't see or feel my heart jump slightly.

It seemed to do just that from time to time.

Obviously about Hilary, too...

Strange.

The next smartest words rushed out of my breath quickly.

"Um..."

Okay... that's not smart enough as the first one, too, I guess.

When I opened my mouth again, the girl found a way to open hers first.

"You know..." she began, imitating my instructed voice when I said those previously.

I sat still to my rear, just staring at her.

It was hard.

I can't take my face off hers when she's so close to my space.

I don't know why.

Most of all, I don't know why my chest is thudding like mad...

"I like you, Tyson."

_Hold on a minute here..._

I was taken off guard at her sudden voice of nonchalantly.

She sounded as if those words were too casual.

As if she rehearsed them everyday and tell them to people she see down the road.

And it was weird.

Everything was weird, actually.

Unexpectedly, Hilary's unreadable face crunched into a facial expression of sadness.

I didn't have to look at her face.

All I had to do was read her ruby eyes and everything tells all.

She pursed her lips before she could do something that was beyond my imagination.

My eyes widened pretty much when she reached her hands out and touched my face.

The gentleness of her contact made the skin she touched prickle at her warmness and sent shivers down my spine.

I tried to move away—I _swear_ I did.

The fact is... I just couldn't.

There's this half of me that wanted to recoil away because I'm not use to being touched this way.

Especially when it's Hilary.

But there's the other half of me that... that didn't want to move away.

I have to admit...

It took me a long time battling the urge to close my eyes and actually enjoy this feeling I'm feeling.

I wanted to do that and I did.

_Almost_ did.

My Pessimistic mind refused to because it's telling me that if I do then Hilary will know the real me.

She'll soon know what had happened to me that no one had ever known.

And I can't have anyone giving me pity about it.

Still...

She gripped my cheeks as if it were something really fragile.

And I had to compliment her for her good intentions...

She knew the times when something felt tense and she knew exactly how to break them.

Quickly, my rigid muscles started to loosen.

"I like you, Tyson."

This time, her voice isn't too melodramatic.

It was as if she were saying them honestly.

I was about to say something but I nearly jump out of my skin when she placed a right thumb over my bottom lip.

That shiver that streamed down my spine contorted into something that felt so invulnerable to fight back.

_What was Hilary doing?_

Why... how the hell can she does things I can't fight back?

What does she think she's doing?

She was saying something.

I know she is.

But how can I really know for sure?

I can't hear her when my mind's whirling so instantly around and around, focused on that one finger on my lip.

She opens her mouth again and still I can't hear her.

I'm really trying hard to listen to whatever she's saying.

_Really I am_.

-

**(Her) –**

He doesn't reciprocate to my words.

I'm telling him things but he doesn't move his mouth.

His eyes are staring back at mine but they look far away.

I tell him the same thing and still he de doesn't answer.

My back relaxed.

Good.

I'm not expecting him to.

-

**(Him) –**

_What the hell is she trying to say?_

My mind falls into faintness whenever I try to think of something else rather than the feeling on my fold of flesh.

I also found it hard to blink, even though my eyes are starting to dry.

It was at that time that her thumb finally moved away from my lip that my head started to clear.

I was a little hazed and I still couldn't hear the words she just told me.

_Damn..._

"Hilary, I—"

_Damn..._

I could continue, yeah.

I could finish my sentence off if I want to and I really do.

But I stopped when Hilary opened her mouth slightly.

I closed my mouth and waited for her to say whatever she told me before.

But whatever it was, I sure _hell_ wasn't expecting it.

She opened her mouth and I thought she was going to argue with me.

But I was taken aback and blinked quite suddenly when she pressed her gentle hold on my cheek and brought my face closer to hers.

Her lips met mine and all things that moved stopped and my mind that had been whirling stopped dead.

The touch was brief and I barely felt it enough to battle my ego not to return it.

I hardly had the time to even feel her lips fully.

And I couldn't help but slacked when she pulled away.

I gave her a confused look.

"Hilary, I—"

I...

I...

There it is again.

_Say it! _

_Just say the damn words! _

My mind wanted me to but somehow it was hard to spill it out as easy as Hilary had done.

It was just too hard.

The look she gave me after that brief kiss only made it harder.

A tear fell from her cheek.

Then another.

But she gave me a sad smile and gradually let go of my cheeks.

I had to admit... my insides cried out for her to not do that.

I _admit_.

I watched as she studied me with a dreary look, rivers of tears falling down her already tear-stained cheeks.

For some reason... I felt as if doing the same thing to her face as what she had done to mine.

But I didn't.

_It's not me. _

"I like you, Tyson," she repeats.

Her voice is cracked and shaky.

"I really, really... do."

_Say it!_

_Say them!_

Only three words echoed in my head.

Three words that I wanted to tell her.

Three words that wanted to come out of my mouth.

If I could just say them and get this over with.

If I could just come clean and tell her that I... that I...

I...

"I don't understand."

_Idiot!_

But I mentally frowned when Hilary gave me a small smile.

Why is she smiling?

"You want to understand, Tyson. I know you really do."

She stood up and stared down at me while I stared up at her.

My face was black and poorly written but hers were completely smitten with small smiles and saddened look.

I felt something inside me but I don't know what it is.

I'm not used to feeling this kind of feelings.

I would never ever do.

"You wanted to understand me?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I want to but you're not letting me," I responded with the same quiet tone.

"I am."

With that said, she brushed her knees passed my shoulder gently and started walking away towards the gateway exit of my backyard.

I sat there, doing nothing, and hoping she would come back and try to make me really understand.

When she didn't, I slumped and looked at the ground, as if I'm really tired from a Beyblading battle.

She wasn't gone yet.

She was still in my backyard.

She was just walking pretty slowly.

I listened as her footsteps made their way through the pebbled ground.

Then stopped.

"I like you, Tyson. I really do," she restated gracefully.

She didn't turn around.

She left the dojo when her last words echoing inside my head.

I was there, wondering to myself.

I felt hazed, I felt confused.

Mostly, I felt somewhat...somewhat...

I don't know... empty?

So I just sat there, repeating Hilary's last words in my head while I closed my eyes steadily.

I wasn't aware how foolish I looked on there, along my backyard, facing the pond where I had first seen her look entirely different.

Where I had instantly... realized.

"_I like you, Tyson..._

_Why don't you understand that so much? _

_There isn't anything else to understand. _

_I like you, I really do. _

_There isn't anything else that can spell that out. _

_Nothing. _

_I like you, Tyson, I like you so much I think it's hurting me if I keep it inside me. _

_That's something you don't need to understand, because I already do. _

_I like you a lot—do you not know that?_

_I like you..._

_Do you want me to repeat it again and again just to make you truly understand?_

_Then... I like you, Tyson. _

_I like you, Tyson. _

_I like you, Tyson. _

_I like you, Tyson. _

_I really... really do."_

When I realized that then instantly—and too late...

That I felt the same.

-

-

**END  
**


	24. HER dearest HIM: summarize me

* * *

**Unrequited Love: a metrical version**  
- _a long poetic version of Unrequited Love._

_

* * *

_

I initiate with 'Love', pathos I crave  
Something that I want someone to grant—like you, I wish you had gave  
A feeling that is scarcely shared of  
So that I don't have to wonder, that I do not have to asked '_what is Love'_?

I am too desperate? I am too needy?  
Or is it just that you think me too poor? That I am just greedy?  
You fought a match I helped you gain  
From someone who is selfish, too vain.

But in the end I think I had given flee  
Just 'cause you had simply hugged me.  
I was too scared because I felt I would hurt  
In the end, it was me who acted like a dirt.

Yet that was the past, an unforgotten recollection  
Something both you and I will keep, a retrospection.  
So we move on lives like it was nothing at all  
Until you and I once again, start to fall.

It's not a fall of feelings, it's a fall of upset debate  
That finished where I begin to think it is me you hate.  
I am horrible, Tyson—I really am!  
I was too forceful I got us in this jam.

I am terrible, Tyson—I really am!  
Tell me, I'm too cocky, bitchy, that I'm a scam!  
However, you're idea is exactly opposite  
You say you don't need me, I shouldn't baby-sit.

It hurt, it broke me to pieces  
Because that is one of our awful sceneries.  
Did you want me to change, did you want me to be deviant?  
I will be what you want me to be—silent or vibrant.

Still… Tyson, don't forget, I cried so hard that night  
Because I still hurt, I am such a dreadful sight.  
Therefore I conclude to myself that I will change me  
That I will be someone, whoever it be.

I let my instinct, pessimist self derive  
To be what my soul wanted so hard to strive.  
Blank, and cold, and distant, and stark  
As if I am walking quietly in the dark.

Unintelligent, dense, quiet, and strange  
You would think that I've gone oh-so deranged.  
I won't know if it will work, because I don't want to be me  
I want to have some time for myself, so then that I will see.

Please leave me alone, I need to meditate  
This new Me which I have tried hard to cogitate.  
Are you happy, Tyson, that I can be want I used to want?  
Then again… I knew all along before that being that I just can't?

I was too good, I was too perfect  
Trying to be stupid, didn't affect.  
Because… because that time I saw you sleeping  
Under that bridge at witching hour, I started pondering.

Would I be good enough, just wishing to be the night?  
Would I do anything good if I stay out of the light?  
You're out cold, unconscious but dreaming…  
I knew it was you, you were murmuring _Go Dragoon_ when you were sleeping.

You must have woken very quickly  
Because I knew you spotted my eyes, they're ruby.  
You and I talk, we ask what we're doing here  
Answering with both just wandering around this river clear.

I don't know what happens but I know it isn't good  
When it was then my attitude changed, you nearly understood.  
You say things that made me oh-so snap  
I couldn't _help_ it, Tyson—I had to give you that solid slap!

You never understood, should you even care  
What these feelings for you I want to share.  
I never wished for any of this mishap  
I wished we could go back, erasing all these horrid crap.

So I run away, out of vision  
Near the same river, out of inspection.  
I sit by myself, and hug my knees  
I want to go to sleep so hard, let me, please.

Then I find myself falling because it begins to darken  
Down a bottomless pit, I can't see, it's blacken.  
I find myself landing on a road leading two doors  
Testing me which is better, these two doors.

One is white, completed with goodness  
The other is black, entirely of sadness.  
I chose what's right, what's my mark  
And opened the door, the one that's dark.

When I uncovered it, what I found is out of the blue  
There standing, facing me, is nobody else… _but you_.  
You tell me things that scarcely eased me  
I told you I'm hurt and you say you want to _heal_ me.

I'm confused, Tyson, was I in pure bliss?  
That time, you had given me a kiss?  
Ha! Was I ever so wrong!  
It was just a dream, strange but long.

I should be cold, give me no credit  
But I feel warm, inasmuch as I have this strange blanket.  
Realization hit me, my eyes a wide socket  
When I was blanketed with your crimson jacket.

I don't know what to do, I'm more confuse  
But keeping it, I certainly refused.  
I would feel bad if you didn't have it back  
Because it's your favorite, it's your good luck.

I ask myself _what is Affection_?  
Is it a never-ending type of devotion?  
I do not, I never really dealt with it  
Because right now, I want to feel it.

I am still hurt, by what you said  
It engraves my heart, etched in there with dread.  
I am perfect, I am flawless  
Everyone likes me but I am powerless.

I can't be a perfect girl infinitely  
I can't be someone too impeccable, permanently.  
I will be what I want, will be what I can  
I hope you, too, will decide, if you will become a better man.

Then again, you can't just do what you need to do  
They say you must confront your fears, they know it's true.  
So I did as told and came to him to return his outfit  
Wishing that my nerves of courage are brightly lit.

Rei and Kai and Max and Kenny are there for hello  
But they are not there forever with me for support, you know.  
Our meeting went well and our conversation was very ordinary  
Until he asks me the horrible thing, it nevermore is customary

What have I done to myself? Is that what he asks?  
What have I done myself… hmm, that is something I cannot bask.  
He says he can't understand, he says he couldn't figure it out  
Does the idiot not realize it before, or do I need to shout?

Why can't he be smart as Kenny?  
Why can't Tyson have a decent IQ rather than not having any?  
He doesn't understand me at all!  
Piece the problems together, he's still clueless in overall.

I think you will need many crowds to help him answer a riddle  
Of a simple question, or even a grade six puzzle.  
He is stupid, he's too dumb  
But why do I like him too much, the pain is getting numb?

What is it in him that attracted me so?  
Was it his hair, his eyes, or his style of solving, no?  
I love Tyson, it's all I can say  
I can't love anyone else, whoever cuter it may.

My heart is only set for just that one man  
And it has quickly agreed to cherish this odd human.  
I know I chose the correct and righteous path  
So why can't he understand it as simple as that?

Do I need to show him? Do I have to make him know?  
That I like him a lot, this feeling will always grow?  
I did as best I could, to show him I want to be his…  
I believe he will soon figure it out, with that brief gentle kiss.

I am too selfish, I am too cruel  
I cannot win alone this duel.  
I need Tyson beside me to this action  
So that it will be over soon—this confrontation.

I can't win alone, I can't do anything  
I need Tyson with me to say anything, something.  
So I will let him decide on the answer for his own mind  
So that my love for him, he will figure and find.

But all I can do is walk away and tell him I love him so much  
That it's hurting me a lot and such.  
There is little time left… so little, which he can silently, debate  
For him to reason his own feelings out… before it is too late.

I can't wait forever, I don't want it to break apart  
Please, Tyson… quickly _understand_ my heart.


End file.
